The Parenting without Stress Model
Assume nothing. Assumptions are guesses. Show, practice, and reinforce the behavior you WANT, rather than telling what you don’t want.
II THREE PRINCIPLES TO PRACTICE
Practice changing negatives into positives. “No running” becomes “We walk in our home.” “Stop that!” becomes”Show me the right way,” or “What should you do?”
Choice-response thinking teaches impulse control & responsibility. Questions such as, “Do you want me to make the decision for you, or can you make it yourself?” promote maturity.
Since a person can only control another person temporarily, and because no one can actually change another person, asking REFLECTIVE questions is the most effective approach for prompting change in others.
III THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (The Discipline System)
TEACHING THE HIERARCHY (Teaching)
The hierarchy engenders a DESIRE to behave responsibly. Young people learn the difference between INTERNAL and EXTERNAL motivation. Young people learn to rise above inappropriate peer influence, bullying, and irresponsible behaviors.
CHECKING FOR UNDERSTANDING (Asking)
Young people reflect on their chosen LEVEL. This approach SEPARATES THE PERSON FROM THE BEHAVIOR, thereby eliminating the usual tendency to defend oneself. It is often this natural tendency to self-defend one’s behavior that leads to so many confrontations.
GUIDED CHOICES (Eliciting)
If disruptions continue, a CONSEQUENCE or PROCEDURE is ELICITED to redirect the inappropriate behavior. This approach is in contrast to the usual coercive approach of having a consequence IMPOSED that promotes victim-hood feelings.