All parents and teachers want children to keep their end of agreements. For example, if a child says he will take out the garbage, the parent expects that’s what will happen. If a student says she will do her homework, the teacher expects her to follow through. When the youth doesn’t do what he or she promised to do, adults often try to discipline the child, dishing out punishments or imposing consequences. This approach is ineffective.
Why? Because punishment is based on the idea that a person needs to be hurt in order to learn. This is fallacious thinking. When punishment is imposed, the person being punished feels like a victim. Victims take no responsibility for their behavior. In addition, … >>> READ MORE >>> →
People of all ages want security; they want to know where they stand. A prime reason that young people “test” adults is that young people want to know their limits. With this in mind and with the belief that it is only fair to tell people the consequence resulting from an inappropriate behavior, many parents (and schools) inform young people ahead of time of the consequences for specific actions. In other words, children know how they will be disciplined prior to misbehaving.
A typical school example is the consequence for coming to a class late. It’s common to hear teens say that nothing happens until the third tardy; therefore, as their thinking goes, it is okay to come to class … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Punishment is based on the idea that a person needs to be hurt in order to learn. This is fallacious thinking—especially when dealing with young people.
When punishment is imposed, the person being punished feels like a victim. Victims take no responsibility for their behavior. In addition, IMPOSED punishments evoke negative feelings on the part of the punished towards the punisher.
A more effective approach is to ELICIT a consequence (or a procedure to prevent future such behaviors) from the youngster by asking, “What should we do about this?” If the response is not satisfactory, then ask, “What else?” “What else?” until what the youngster says is acceptable.
Using this approach, the child is taking responsibility for the consequence. This … >>> READ MORE >>> →