PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY & LEARNING
Volume 15 Number 9 September 2015
Newsletter #170 Archived
IN THIS ISSUE:
- Promoting Responsibility
- Increasing Effectiveness
- Improving Relationships
- Promoting Learning
- Discipline without Stress (DWS)
- Reviews and Testimonials
This newsletter has been distributed by a new system. Your comments for improvement are appreciated.
The Statue of Liberty on the East Coast (of the USA) needs to be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast —Victor Frankl (psychiatrist, Nazi death camp survivor, and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning”)
If you use Twitter, you may enjoy my daily thoughts at twitter.com/MarvMarshall (@MarvMarshall)
Also, you may be interested in my blog, which appear more often than this
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“Listen up!” is an effective phrase to getting attention. Obtaining attention is the first step in influencing others for any reason—including changing behavior and improving self-discipline.
We tend to think of smooth talkers as having the most influence on others. Although the gift of gab is a nice characteristic, being a good listener provides even more of an advantage.
In a study from the Journal of Research in Personality former work colleagues rated participants on measures of influence, verbal expression and listening behavior. Results indicate that good listening skills had a stronger effect on the ratings of influence than talking. The authors suggested that listening helps people obtain information and build trust, both of which can increase influence.
Being a … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Some scientists say that about every 11 seconds our minds talk to us. When we’re listening to someone else speak to us about 250 words a minute, our minds, which are capable of dealing with thousands of words per minute, go wandering off, as in, “Did I turn off the coffee maker this morning?” “Do I remember where I parked the car in the parking structure?” “What shall I wear for the event tonight?”
One way to tie up our self-talk or to continually focus on the speaker is to use the rapid repeat technique. Like anything new, it takes some practice. Here’s how it works: As you’re listening to someone, … >>> READ MORE >>> →
If you want to increase your effectiveness with others, you need to develop a “listening attitude.” In fact, your listening attitude is more important than anything you say in response to someone. Your attitude of respect and understanding is more important than your ability to formulate brilliant responses, as the following slightly abridged thought by Ralph Roughton, M.D., illustrates:
When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me, and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to
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If I were limited to one recommendation that would improve relationships between parent and child, especially with teenagers, it would be listen to learn. Listening and valuing young people’s feelings and ideas is what promotes the ability of parents to effectively communicate with them.
Listen to learn means not inserting one’s opinion and not judging what the youngster says while the youngster is speaking. Parents have a natural tendency to approve or disapprove of young people’s statements. Parents’ first reaction is to evaluate from their own point of view and then approve or disapprove of what the youngster says. This is listening autobiographically. The tendency to make evaluations is common in almost all conversations, but it is much … >>> READ MORE >>> →
How to Help Kids Learn and Comprehend
Listening is a largely untaught skill that applies to every subject in school and is of paramount importance in good relationships.
I recently spoke to 65 middle level students in a major urban area. The students were using a section of my book as a source for their conflict resolution discussions. I was there by their invitation and was treated as a celebrity. Almost all wanted my signature. Nevertheless, during my presentation, I felt it necessary to use an attention management approach five times with two variations just to bring their attention back after I made a point or told a story to emphasize a point.
The principal commented afterwards that poor listening … >>> READ MORE >>> →
A key strategy to parenting and influencing others is to be a good listener.
But there is a paradox to this skill because in order to have influence with another, the influencer has to be open to being influenced. Simply stated, the more a person is open to others, the greater is the ability to influence. This may seem a paradox, but if you understand this paradox, you can be more effective in influencing others.
Here is the point: Listening can also refer to oneself. Warren Buffett, the ace stock picker and empire builder, gives credit to his partner, Charlie Munger, for the Orangutan Theory:
“If a smart person goes into a room with an orangutan and explains whatever his … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Listening is the single most important of all communications skills. It is more important than stirring oratory, more important than a powerful voice, more important than the ability to speak multiple languages—more important than a flair for the written word.
Good listening is truly where effective communications and relationships begin. It’s surprising how few people really listen well. Those who do are the ones who have learned the SKILL of listening.
The simple truth of the matter is that people love being listened to. It’s true in the business world. It’s true at home. It’s true of just about everyone we come across in life.
Dale Carnegie wrote that the secret of influencing people lies not so much in being … >>> READ MORE >>> →