Although there are things in life that are out of our control, it is how we perceive them that is critical. This understanding is not new; it’s just not common. Centuries ago, the Greek philosopher Epictetus (55-135) proposed that we are disturbed not by events but by the views we take of them. In other words, it is not the event itself that is the problem; it is our perception of the event that creates our suffering. Is it a problem or a challenge? “Victimhood thinking” is a perception and the opposite of choice-response thinking.
Besides creating unhappiness, victimhood thinking is also counterproductive to developing responsibility. A cartoon shows a young boy explaining his report card to his parents, as … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Punishment is based on the idea that a person needs to be hurt in order to learn. This is fallacious thinking—especially when dealing with young people.
When punishment is imposed, the person being punished feels like a victim. Victims take no responsibility for their behavior. In addition, IMPOSED punishments evoke negative feelings on the part of the punished towards the punisher.
A more effective approach is to ELICIT a consequence (or a procedure to prevent future such behaviors) from the youngster by asking, “What should we do about this?” If the response is not satisfactory, then ask, “What else?” “What else?” until what the youngster says is acceptable.
Using this approach, the child is taking responsibility for the consequence. This … >>> READ MORE >>> →