Responsibility

2 Simple Ways to End Fighting and Discipline Challenges

On February 10, 2014 / Parenting, Responsibility

Any parent can attest that at times their children—and especially adolescents—simply don’t like them. This usually occurs when the parent won’t let the child do something (like go to a party), or when the parent asks the youth to do something considered “not cool” (like drive the old “clunker” rather than the sporty new car).

Of course, few children will go down without a fight. They’ll whine and even scream things like, “You don’t understand,” or “I’m the only one who has to,” or “I’ll die if you don’t let me.” These are simply the youths’ attempt to have the parent relent.

However, many parents fight back and try to discipline the youth by imposing punishments or offering a reward … >>>

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What Teachers Can Do to Promote Responsibility

On February 7, 2014 / Responsibility

I always say that responsibility is taken, never given or told. In other words, using outdated discipline techniques like imposed punishments and rewards won’t result in students acting responsibly. They must have the internal motivation to want to act a certain way.

With that said, there are things teachers can do to create an environment that fosters their students’ desire to be responsible. Here are a few:

When a student acts out, before resorting to the usual discipline techniques, remember that no one comes to school to get into trouble. Think of students as lacking skills to handle impulses—or that the behavior is the student’s best effort at the time to handle a frustration. Few students are maliciously disruptive.

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5 Reasons Why Rewards Don’t Reduce Discipline Challenges

On January 27, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

Too many parents and teacher rely on rewards. They believe that if they reward children for doing something good, the need for discipline will decrease. In fact, rewards don’t reduce discipline issues because they don’t teach children how to be responsible. Here are 5 reasons why rewards don’t work.

1. Rather than a discipline strategy, a reward is actually a bribe. Young people do not need bribes to be good.

2. Rewards can be great incentives—if the person chooses to work toward the reward. If the person is not interested in the reward or does not work toward receiving the reward, it is not much of an incentive.

3. Rewards can be wonderful acknowledgments. They serve to give … >>>

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Rules and Discipline

On January 17, 2014 / Responsibility

Rules are meant to control—not inspire.

Rules are necessary in games. Between people, however, rules result in adversarial relationships and actually increase discipline issues. Why? Because rules require enforcement. In addition, rules are often stated in negative terms and imply an imposed consequence if not followed.

Rules place the teacher in the position of the enforcer—a cop wearing a blue uniform with copper buttons—rather than of a teacher, coach, mentor, facilitator of learning, or educator.

Enforcing rules can result in power struggles that rarely result in win-win situations or good relationships.

Upon analysis, you will see that rules are either procedures or expectations. Therefore, rather than relying on rules, you will be much more effective if you teach procedures, … >>>

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Use Stories to Curb Discipline Problems

On January 10, 2014 / Responsibility

Stories are an excellent way to teach a concept, especially to young children. In my books, I recommend using stories to teach children about the various levels in the Hierarchy of Social Development.

Of course, some people aren’t natural story-tellers, especially when the story needs to convey a specific learning point. In fact, one of the common questions I receive is “What stories work best to teach young children the levels of social development?” In answering these people, I’ve found that they don’t just want general guidance on the types of stories to use. They want actual stories that they can read to their class or child word for word.

If you’re looking for short stories to read to children … >>>

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3 Ways to Promote Responsibility

On January 6, 2014 / Responsibility

In many areas of the country, school is going back into session this week after the customary winter break. If you’ve resolved to focus on promoting responsibility with your students this year, here are three simple steps to kick start the process. After you see some results from these suggestions, come back to this blog for more ways to promote responsibility in youth, which naturally decreases discipline issues.

1. Teach students to ask themselves questions: Encourage students to ask themselves questions. The questioning process starts the thinking process. When students begin to ask themselves “Why?” and “How?” questions, both alertness and interest increase. There are only three things we are more likely to answer than a question—the telephone, the doorbell, … >>>

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Teach Responsibility

On December 20, 2013 / Responsibility

Have you ever said in frustration, “What should I do with this kid?” If you have, you’re not alone. It’s probably one of the most common questions teachers and parents ask themselves.

Realize, though, that you don’t “do” things to people. A better approach—one that promotes responsibility and reduces discipline problems—is to teach young people to do things for themselves.

Using traditional approaches of discipline, such as imposed punishments and rewards, may make the parent or teacher feel better, but it does little to foster independence and self-discipline in youth. In fact, the external approaches of relying on rules, imposing consequences, rewarding youth for appropriate behavior, and punishing children to make them obey are all counterproductive. They may force compliance … >>>

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The Truth About Discipline

On December 18, 2013 / Discipline, Responsibility

In her book The Caring Teacher’s Guide to Discipline: Helping Young Students Learn Self-Control, Responsibility, and Respect, Marilyn Gootman writes that discipline is teaching self-control, not controlling or managing students.

And as Richard Sagor notes in his book At-Risk Students: Reaching and Teaching Them, an effective discipline program requires three particular, vital educational functions:

The maintenance of order
The development of internal locus of control
The promotion of prosocial behavior

All three are accomplished in an approach where the student acknowledges ownership of behavior, where the student self-evaluates, and where the student develops a plan. In the process, the student grows by becoming more self-regulated. As Sagor notes, the locus of control is internal.

This is in contrast to … >>>

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5 Reasons Why Rewards are a Poor Discipline Strategy

On December 4, 2013 / Discipline, Responsibility

Here are the top 5 reasons why relying on rewards for discipline is a losing strategy:

1. Rewards Can Promote Failure: Rewards open the possibility of failure—failure to obtain the reward and failure to please the parent. In addition, the possibility of failure inherently brings fear of failure. When a child is afraid, the emotion is so powerful that thinking and effort are diminished.

2. Rewards Can Diminish Self-Confidence: Giving rewards on a regular basis can prompt youngsters to think the only things that are important are those for which they are rewarded. The result can be a diminished appreciation and disregard for their natural talents and preferences.

3. Rewards Infer an Unpleasant Task: Why would someone take the … >>>

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Influence and Discipline

On December 2, 2013 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Here are four common ways to influence people (and the four most common approaches to discipline):

Coercion or force: Discipline by threat or punishment is the approach here. This works as long as the threat is more powerful than the desire to resist it.
Offering an incentive or reward: With young people, the incentives are generally those that appeal for immediate satisfaction, rather than to those that build responsible character development and mature values. This discipline approach is commonly used in homes and schools to get the young to do what the adult wants. It promotes a mindset of, “What will I get for doing it?” and leads to long-term selfishness, as many studies have demonstrated.
Cooperation: This is how

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Responsibility and Choice

On November 27, 2013 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Social scientists have determined that we accept inner responsibility for a behavior when we think we have chosen to perform it in the absence of outside pressure, such as a large reward.

The incentive or reward may get us to perform a certain action, but it won’t get us to accept inner responsibility for the act. Consequently, we won’t feel committed to it. The same is true of a strong threat; it may motivate immediate compliance, but it is unlikely to produce long-term commitment.

These conclusions have important implications for parents and teachers. It suggests that we should not use bribes (rewards) or threats (punishment) to discipline children or coerce them to do the things we want them to do. … >>>

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Self-Esteem and Discipline

On November 25, 2013 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

My concern with the current self-esteem movement we see in all facets of life is that it encourages approaches that address the person, rather than the action. For example, rather than saying, “I’m proud of you for getting such a good grade,” simply saying, “Well done!” is more meaningful and sends a more empowering message. Saying, “I see you made your bed” fosters feelings of self-competence. In contrast, saying, “I’m so proud of you for making your bed,” encourages making decisions to please the parent.

Acknowledgment accomplishes the intent of praise but without the disadvantages. It fosters feelings of being worthwhile, without relying on the approval of others. The long-range effect is to engender self-confidence, self-reliance, and self-discipline, … >>>

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Reduce the Need for Discipline

On November 22, 2013 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

When dealing with a disruptive child or student, many parents and teachers use rewards or punishments as a way to discipline the youngster. While this approach might give some short term results, it doesn’t help the child develop long-term self-discipline skills.

Rather than use rewards or punishments, try one of these three strategies to redirect youth. They are more effective discipline techniques and encourage responsibility.

Acknowledge On-Task Behavior: Acknowledge in private when the student is on task. Do not be concerned about interrupting the student at work; the student will let you know if it is bothersome.

Encourage: Encourage students. It raises their aspirations. Robert Danzig rose from office boy to president of his company because Margaret Mahoney, his office

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Instilling Self-Discipline

On November 20, 2013 / Discipline, Responsibility

The Hierarchy of Social Development, which is discussed in detail on this web site and in the book Discipline Without Stress, raises awareness for individual responsibility and promotes self-discipline. Teaching for a democratic society requires more than just choosing when to conform and when not to conform. When peer pressure is so compelling as to prompt people to do something that is personally or socially irresponsible, just knowing the levels of social development can have a liberating and responsibility-producing effect. As a result, discipline issues are diminished.

For example, a problem in many middle and high schools relates to studying and doing home assignments. Many students do not study or complete learning assignments because such effort is … >>>

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Discipline and Civility

On November 18, 2013 / Discipline, Responsibility

When teachers and parents discipline with stress, they are deprived of joy in relationships. Discipline, however, can be an opportunity, rather than a problem. As the French sociologist Emile Durkheim observed, discipline provides the moral code that makes it possible for the small society of the classroom to function.

Discipline is a tool for teaching responsibility. The ultimate goal of discipline is self-discipline—the kind of self-control that underlies voluntary compliance with expected standards. This is the discipline that is a mark of mature character and that a civilized society expects of its citizens. John Goodlad, one of my former professors, said that the first public purpose of schooling is to develop civility in the young. Civility can only be achieved … >>>

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