Volume 2 Number 5
IN THIS ISSUE:
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING:
Using Breath Management to
and Saving and
Improving Your Voice
6. The Failings of Punishments and Rewards – Tips
7. Your Questions Answered
8. What Others Are Saying About The Book
“DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS
How Teachers and Parents Promote Responsibility & Learning”
My website at
http://www.MarvinMarshall.comhas been on the
Internet since 1995. Time has come for an upgrade.
You will find
articles easier to locate and download.
ONE SET OF ARTICLES
pertains to PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY. These articles
explain my approach and give suggestions for
empowerment –rather than overpowerment. Simply
stated, when you empower people by INFLUENCING THEM
TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE, your stress is reduced and
you chances of obtaining what you desire is
This path follows
the approaches of Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly
Effective People), W.Edwards Deming (Quality),
Albert Ellis (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy),
William Glasser (Choice Theory), Alfie Kohn
(Punished by Rewards), Douglas McGregor (Theory X
and Theory Y), and Monty Roberts (Join-Up, the
approach of this famed horse whisperer). It is the
path of noncoercion.
The paradox with
this approach is that most people are concerned
about giving up control–not realizing that the more
control you give to others, the more effective you
become. The conditions, however, are that the
control is given with high expectations, in a
positive manner, with options available, and with
the encouragement of reflection.
THE SECOND SET OF
ARTICLES offer suggestions for PROMOTING LEARNING.
PAST E-ZINES are also easier to locate.
I hope you will
find the redesigned website
http://www.MarvinMarshall.comof value to you
and will share it with others.
An added note:
Having worked in many industries and possessing a
masters in business administration, I know that the
approach is equally effective in all theatres of
relationships. If you know people who want to
increase their effective in influencing others
without using coercion and in a positive way, please
share the site with them. They may appreciate your
effort to share with them.
You have a
responsibility to yourself to think and participate
in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life,
one that brings you happiness.
Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote,
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty
of being happy.”
Here are a few
thoughts that may assist in this most important
What is important
is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy.
The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy
of a personal encounter, or having a peak of ecstasy
are wonderful moments. But happiness comes from
being content most of the time. This occurs when you
have thoughts and feelings of well being, an inner
sense of balance and purpose.
Good news such as
getting a promotion or winning a lottery prompts
happiness for a while. Then we adapt.
Bad news such as
ending a relationship or losing a job brings sadness
for awhile. Then we adapt.
why people can be happy after physically disabling
accidents and tragedies.
with an aim to be happy. This sounds obvious, but
often we don’t make happiness a priority. Here is a
simple procedure. Write the words, “I intend to be
happy today,” on a piece of paper and stick it on
the bathroom mirror. When you look at it in the
morning, stop and reflect. Ask yourself, “What can I
be happy about today?” Vary your answers for a week.
Posting the note
and taking time to reflect will remind you to be
grateful during your day for that which contributes
to happiness–be it joking with a co-worker,
stopping to gaze and smell the splendor of a flower,
drinking your favorite cup of coffee, or spending a
special moment with a child.
Happiness hides in
life’s small details. If you’re not looking, you
will not see them.
As a youth growing
up in Hollywood, California, I would hear Al Jarvis,
a disk jockey on radio station KFWB, often say,
“It’s the little things in life that mean the most
to all of us.” I was lucky. I listened and learned
this wisdom at a young age. And I am grateful for
The brain thinks in
pictures, not words.
Not that you
remember your last dream, but if you asked yourself
whether you visualized the dream in words–as you
are reading now–or you visualized in pictures
(images), you will conclude that you dreamt in
visuals. (Remember that in human history reading is
a relevantly recent development, and only in very
recent times has the printed word become available
to the “common folk.”)
Being aware that
people think in pictures–that they construct
visuals in their minds–can help you become more
When recently in an
airport and hearing the gate agent say to a young
boy, “Don’t go down the ramp,” I knew a problem had
been created. Just a few minutes after the airport
official finished his sentence, I saw him chase
after the youngster down the ramp.
Can you picure
Think of the parent
who has a challenge with the child who wets his bed.
After tucking him in, the parent said, “Don’t wet
your bed tonight.” What will the child visualize
upon falling asleep?
How much more
effective would be the statement, “Let’s see if you
can keep your bed dry tonight.”
conjures up the image the parent wants?
Chances are the
airline gate agent would have had less stress and
more success saying to the youngster who was curious
to go down the ramp something like, “You need a
special pass to go there.”
While waiting in
the office to present a seminar to a middle school
faculty recently, I glanced at the school rules–all
phrased in negative terms. My mental exercise was to
immediately rephrase them in positive terms. The
process is so easy once you become conscious of it
and practice changing negative pictures into
My experiences have
taught me that people do better with positive images
rather than with negative ones.
Let’s not forget
that we adults are grown-up kids in this regard. We
also communicate and process information best in
picture form. Communicate your message by painting
the picture you WANT to have created, not the one
you don’t want.
4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
is the most valuable tool we have for enriching the
quality of relationships. Yet, it is often
means listening WITHOUT DISTRACTION. I have met very
few people who have practiced this approach to the
point of making it a skill.
planner was one such person. Cory had the knack of
conveying the feeling that, when you were with her,
you had her undivided attention. I don’t know if she
learned the skill or if it was just natural with
her. But I remember the charismatic impression it
made on me.
On the other hand,
I also remember the negative feelings engendered
while attempting to converse with a principal with
whom I once worked. I felt I had just 30 seconds to
get my point across; after 30 seconds, his attention
I know of one
person who was constantly interrupted whenever she
was with her boss. One day she simply said, “Could
you give me 10 minutes of uninterrupted time?” After
the meeting, her boss told her that it was the best
meeting they ever had. She agreed.
As the chair of an
accreditation team representing the Western
Association of Schools and Colleges, I was sitting
in the principal’s office. The meeting was in a
large urban high school in the second largest school
district in the nation. That year the school was
celebrating its 100th anniversary. As I was
conversing with the principal and the accrediting
team, the principal kept answering the telephone.
Aside from the rudeness, the implicit message was
that the accreditation team’s evaluation of the high
school was less important than his compunction to
answer the phone.
We send implicit
messages by the way we listen.
If you have a
tendency to wander after listening for a few minutes
but want to improve you relationships, use this
technique: Listen as if you were going to repeat
back what is being said to you. This technique can
help you resist any tendency to multitask–and that
A novel technique
to help you is described in my article this month on
It is important to
give young people your undivided attention when
conversing with them. It sends the message that you
acknowledge them. Almost above anything else, young
people want to be acknowledged–especially
teen-agers. Don’t lose precious few moments of
connection. In addition, your modeling will help
them learn this important communication skill.
children, if you are playing with them, let them
know that you may have to take an urgent phone call
so they will understand ahead of time that their
time with you is not secondary.
When it comes to
listening, walking the talk means being conscious of
and practicing the skill of attentive listening.
5. TEACHERS.NET: PROMOTING LEARNING:
Use the Language You Want Learned – “Responsibilities
My PROMOTING LEARNING article on
<teachers.net/gazette> for this month shows how teachers can have students
become better listeners. The approach also shows teachers (really, anyone who
uses the voice a great deal) how to speak so that there is less strain on the
The failings of
using coercive and manipulative approaches–such as
punishments and rewards–are described at:
The first link is a
one-pager of “Tips for Parents.”
7. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I heard your
presentation at the California League of Middle
Schools conference in March.
I concur with your
ideas. I have applied many of your concepts during
my long coaching tenure without any formal system
like yours. However, I have been labeled as having
How do I counter
claims from traditionalists who believe punishment
is mandatory? They believe that if a coach does not
punish, a coach doesn’t have any discipline.
I would appreciate
hearing from you.
Great question and
Standards must be
kept. However, I focus on the positive and use
contingencies–rather than focusing on punishments,
which are negative.
As a former
athletic director of a large urban high school, here
is how I approached it: It is a privilege to be on
an athletic team. Membership on a team can be one of
the greatest experiences a young person can have.
Second point to
students: This is a team endeavor. The team comes
first. Therefore, only those things that add to the
team’s best interests are allowed.
Here is the kicker
and what a contingency looks like: You may continue
to participate if you. . . . (to be completed).
thinking imposes punishments. Contingencies, in
contrast, focus on the positive and put the
responsibility on the youth.
If a person does
not live up to the contingency, the follow-up action
begins. It is not the action but rather the
positive, internally motivational approach that is
Note also that with
a contingency, the responsibility is on the
youngster. With punishment, the responsibility is on
Now, if the problem
has to do with regular physical education classes,
rather than athletics, we are in a different
curriculum needs to be looked at, viz., are
athletics the focus or physical education the focus?
Although not mutually exclusive, they are not
If a student
refuses to dress or participate, the student has a
very personal reason for it. Forcing obedience will
not be successful with a person whose personal
feelings and beliefs are more important than a
teacher’s request. In such cases, a student will
questions and then empowering and encouraging will
go further than forcing obedience.
Finally, you have a
personal and professional decision to make. You know
from your experience how to build youth. Let your
fellow coaches get on your train. Don’t leave yours
to join them.
8. THE SHORTCOMINGS OF PUNISHMENTS AND REWARDS and Tips for Parents
“Dr. Marshall has
provided both new and experienced teachers with a
comprehensive and thought-provoking resource–one
sure to be used with great frequency. The breadth of
information covered might prove daunting were it not
for the practical and concise nature with which it
is delivered. This text should prove to be an
invaluable tool for educators.”
Staff Development Specialist Anne Arundel County
Public School, Gambrills, MD
STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS is carried by:
National Association of Elementary School Principals
National Association of Secondary School Principals
National School Boards Association Phi Delta Kappa
International Performance Learning Systems The Brain