Offering choices significantly reduces stress and is remarkably more effective than attempting to force change. If a parent coerces or forces a decision upon a child that the youngster does not like—and if the child does not respond as the parent desires—the youngster is making a choice. Call it defiance, but nevertheless a choice has been made. Conversely, if the youngster does comply, a choice also has been made. So, since the child has choices anyway, providing options diminishes stress and is more effective than not offering them.
The most effective number of choices to offer is three. With some young people, offering just two choices seems limiting and restrictive. Giving three options eliminates all perceptions of coercion and encourages … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Choices are a critical component of fostering responsibility and influencing behavior. The reason is that choice brings ownership; it fosters a sense of independence and also empowers. Offering options engages a youngster in cooperation and is much more effective than giving commands.
The choices can be limited, but the sooner a young person starts to make choices, to exercise decision making, the more responsible the youngster becomes. Of course, the choices must be ones that satisfy both parties. Suppose a youngster is asked to suggest a chore he will do. If the chore the youngster offers is not satisfactory, then the parent asks, “What else?” The same two words “What else?” “What else?” are repeated until both parties agree. Offering … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Throughout this blog and website, and in the Parenting Without Stress and Discipline Without Stress books, you’ll find much written about the importance of offering choices to young people. Why? Because offering choices eliminates coercion simply and easily. By implementing this one practice, you will enable your children to make wiser decisions, become more responsible, increase their cooperation, reduce stress on all concerned, and increase your joy of parenting.
Chances are that you would like to bring about some change(s) in your family dynamics. Two requirements are necessary for change. The first is the awareness that a change is necessary. The second is ownership. Choice brings ownership because people do not argue with their own choices. Lasting change only … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Regarding the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM, when checking for understanding do you use a referral if the student does not give appropriate responses to the teacher questions?
Just ask the class, “What level do we call it when someone makes his own standards of behavior?” The class will give you the answer and you continue teaching. The point of this phase is to have acknowledged that there was an unacceptable level of behavior.
If disruptions continue, then move into phase III, Guided Choices (using authority without being punitive) where a procedure or consequence is ELICITED. Another approach is to give the student an assignment with a choice, e.g., completing the essay or self-diagnostic referral by oneself, with … >>> READ MORE >>> →