Posts Tagged Problems With Lecturing

Why Telling and Lecturing Don’t Work

Many parents and teachers rely on telling and/or lecturing as a discipline strategy. It certainly seems to be a better choice than imposing a punishment or offering a reward. But using telling/lecturing as discipline is equally ineffective. Following are six reasons why telling/lecturing is a poor discipline strategy, and what to do instead.

  1. After childhood, telling is often interpreted as an attempt to control.
  2. Whenever we tell people what to do, we convey a subtle, negative message that what they have been doing is wrong or not good enough.
  3. Even if you have an excellent relationship with the person, telling often creates defensiveness—even when the person feels that what you are telling is in the person’s own best interest.
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Telling and Lecturing are Ineffective Discipline Techniques

Telling and lecturing as discipline are generally ineffective with young people who are trying to assert their independence. Besides, when young people become adolescents, they become “experts” in everything. Just try telling a teenager something and see how far you get. This phenomenon is captured in a quotation attributed to Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years.

You can visualize the scene. You are talking to your teenage son and attempting to inform him of the disadvantages of what he wants to do. You make your … >>>