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Established Routines Reduce Discipline Problems

On May 17, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

How you structure an activity or arrange the environment can significantly reduce discipline problems with children.

In the elementary grades, this pertains to both indoor and outdoor activities. For example, establishing a “getting drinks” routine after vigorous playground activities is an example of an outdoor procedure. Children whose last names are in the first half of the alphabet will use the fountain by the restrooms. Those in the last half will walk to another designated drinking fountain. The person behind the drinker will slowly count to ten and then tap the drinker softly on the shoulder. Before initiating the procedure, have students experience it. Line up everyone for a dry run.

Another routine to curb discipline issues is to have … >>>

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Discipline: A Better Way than School Suspensions

On May 16, 2013   /   Discipline  

On May 15, 2013, the Los Angeles Unified School District decided to ban school suspensions as a measure of discipline for defiant students. The school board directed school officials to use alternative discipline approaches instead.

Offenses such as repeatedly tapping feet on the floor, refusing to remove a hat, refusing to wear the school uniform, and refusing to turn off a cell phone are classified as discipline acts of “willful defiance” and would no longer be grounds for suspending students. The new discipline policy would make Los Angeles the first district in California to ban suspensions for willful defiance. Activities such as these account for 48% of 710,000 discipline suspensions issued … >>>

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Parents and Role-Modeling

On May 15, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

The parent is the first teacher—and the most influential. In fact, you cannot help but teach because you are always modeling, whether you like it or not. And children are perceptive. They pick up everything you model, not just the good. Consider this example:

Every morning a father drove his three-year-old daughter to preschool. One day, the father was away at a conference and the mother drove the girl. The youngster, sitting next to her mother, could hardly see over the dashboard and asked, “Mommy, where are all of the bastards today?”

The mother replied, “I don’t know, honey. I guess they’re only out when your father drives.”

Every second of every day you are modeling something to children. What … >>>

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What I Owe My Mother

On May 14, 2013   /   Parenting  

This past Sunday, my daughter came over to celebrate Mother’s Day. During the visit, which was filled with food and joy, I reflected on my own mother’s influence on me—with a little help from Dan Poynter.

I OWE MY MOTHER:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother … >>>

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Responsibilities to Live By

On May 13, 2013   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

Instead of relying on rules, consider using the term “responsibilities.” This is much more than a mere word choice. In contrast to “rules,” “responsibilities” empower and elevate. They are stated in positive terms, whereas rules are often stated in negative terms. When communications are in positive terms, there is a natural tendency for you to help rather than to punish. So, rather than using the term “rules,” consider using a term that describes what you want to encourage.

For example, you probably have some rules in your home that state:

House Rules

  • No hitting.
  • Don’t make a mess.
  • Don’t blame others for my mistakes.
  • Stay out of my brother’s room.
  • Don’t be late.

All of these statements are meant … >>>

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Learning and Relationships

On May 9, 2013   /   Learning, Relationships  

Learning and relationships are inseparable.

How we feel affects and even directs how we behave and learn. As you have heard time and time again—with a great deal of truth—students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. With people, trust also carries with it an implicit message that the other person has your own best interests in mind. That is why we can accept criticism and even anger from those whom we trust. We know, deep down, that they really mean to help us.

Trust is an interesting quality because, once it is lost, it is hard to recapture. Many a relationship gasped its last breath on … >>>

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Before You Discipline, Check Your Mental Position

On May 8, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

When disciplining a child, only a noncoercive approach is effective. And the first step to being noncoercive is mental positioning.

When practicing any skill, putting yourself in position always precedes the action. This is as true when disciplining as it is when holding a golf club before the swing, holding a baseball bat before the pitch arrives, shooting a basketball, holding a tennis racquet, or playing any musical instrument. Therefore, the first step is placing yourself in a mental stance to employ noncoercion.

The mental stance should be one of curiosity, helpfulness, and kindness. Why? Because you do not shout to be noncoercive. Your tone of voice communicates at least as much as your words. Even a horse understands this, … >>>

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Paint Verbal Pictures for Better Discipline

On May 7, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

The old saying, “A picture is worth 1,000 words,” is so true, especially when it comes to discipline.

Let me give you an example of ineffective discipline.

I was in an airport, and there was a gate agent standing at the gate. A small child was standing near the entrance. The gate agent looked down at the child and said, “Don’t go down the ramp.”

Guess where the kid went? You are right! Just a few moments after the gate agent finished his sentence, the kid went down the ramp.

Why do kids always seem to do what you tell them not to do? It’s because the brain thinks in pictures, … >>>

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Rewards and Compensation

On May 6, 2013   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

People assume that an external manipulator, such as a reward, causes young people to change. As a result, many parents offer children money for doing something they ask. They equate it to earning a salary at work. But remember, salaries in the job marketplace are contractual agreements of compensation for service. They are not bribes to manipulate behavior. When was the last time you looked at your paycheck and thanked your employer for the reward?

Of course, if the compensation were not satisfactory, the person may choose to look elsewhere. As an aside, many studies have shown that “merit pay” is a poor motivator and low on a list of employee priorities. Rewards like these also create more problems … >>>

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Asking Is The Key

On May 3, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

One of the key ideas I suggest people write down during my seminars is this: “The person who asks the question controls the conversation” or “The person who asks the question controls the situation.”

Let me demonstrate to you how this works. You walk into the store and the salesperson asks, “How are you today?”

Isn’t there a natural tendency to answer?

Here is another situation. A friend with whom you are talking suddenly asks you a question. Do you stop and answer the question or do you continue with your monologue? Chances are you stop and answer the friend’s question.

If you want to discipline a student or child, you … >>>

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How to Discipline with Authority without Being Punitive

On May 1, 2013   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

The keys to the success of using authority without being punitive are in using positive communications, empowerment of choice, and reflection. These practices instill the mindset that the objective is to raise responsibility, rather than to punish.

Punishment fosters evasion of responsibility and also has the disadvantage of increasing the distance between parents and children. A far more effective approach than punishment is to treat the situation as a teaching and learning opportunity.

Elicit from the youngster what the youngster can do to ensure that the situation will not be repeated. In this way, the young person creates and maintains ownership. The implicit message is that a person is responsible for his actions and that inappropriate action is being remedied. … >>>

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PBIS and DWS

On April 30, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning, Responsibility  

When I presented seminars last week in Phoenix, Arizona; Denver, Colorado; Billings, Montana; Salt Lake City, Utah; and Portland, Oregon, many teachers told me that they were mandated to implement Positive Intervention Behavior and Supports (PBIS).

The question then is, “How can you use Discipline without Stress while at the same time implementing PBIS?”

The answer is as follows. First, there is nothing in PBIS that mandates the teacher must give the rewards. Have the students perform the task of handing out rewards. When the task is delegated to students, they soon realize how unfair it is to reward some students who do what the teacher desires but not reward … >>>

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One Phrase to Teach Patience to Children

On April 29, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

As any parent knows, youngsters are impetuous. They want to know an answer immediately. At any given moment, one child wants one thing and another child wants something else. It’s a constant pull for your attention, and few children have the patience to wait for an answer.

To get what they want, children often try to back you into a corner with non-stop questions (often the same one repeated over and over). When this happens to you, give your children your stock answer: “If you need to know right now, the answer is, ‘Not yet!’ But if I can think about it for a while, I might consider saying, ‘Yes.’”

Their usual response will sound something like, “Take all the … >>>

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Reflective Questions that Improve Decision Making in Older Children

On April 26, 2013   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

Four questions are particularly useful as a reflective activity to improve decision-making skills in older children. Although you can pose the questions orally, the responses can be in conversation or in writing. If the responses are to be written or typed on a computer, it should be the youngster’s decision whether or not to share with the parent. The parent merely requests that the written responses be kept should a future review of the situation prove necessary.

The set of four questions are:

1. What did I do? (acknowledgment)

2. What can I do to prevent it from happening again? (choice)

3. What will I do? (commitment)

4. What is my plan to help me fulfill my commitment? (procedure)… >>>

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Using Discipline in a Positive Way

On April 25, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

I met a gentleman, Eric, on an airplane. As we exchanged pleasantries, and he found out that I was a professional speaker in the field of education, he related the following experience to me.

He described himself as having been a rather loquacious youngster, and his teacher had moved his seat away from his friend. Eric wanted to send a message to his friend. So after writing it, he carefully folded the page into a very successful flying object. When he was sure the teacher was not looking, he jettisoned the plane toward his friend, and just then Mrs. Christenson looked up to see the missile grace the air.

She called Eric to her desk and said that since his … >>>

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The Importance of Manners in the Classroom

On April 24, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Edmund Burke, the 18th century British statesman, said that manners are more important than laws. According to George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, “Without good manners human society becomes intolerable and impossible.” Manners are what make civilization civil. Hal Urban, author of Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things I Want My Kids to Know, suggests holding discussions on manners.

Following are some questions that Urban suggests:

  • Would a society be better if people treated each other with respect?
  • How are classrooms and schools societies?
  • How can good manners be one of the most important keys to success in life?
  • What is the Golden Rule? How is it civilizing?
  • Which impresses people more: being cool or being courteous?

The following questions promote … >>>

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Learning and Cheating on Standardized Tests

On April 23, 2013   /   Learning  

I have written before about the use of standardized tests for evaluating educational progress and teacher effectiveness.

Commercial standardized tests were never developed to give feedback for educational improvement. They were designed to rank students based upon the theory that all students receive the same instruction in specified areas. They don’t.

The use of such tests promotes cheating because the teachers’  jobs often depend upon how well their students do on these tests. It almost hurts anyone who is knowledgeable about testing to see the educational establishment employing such measures.

The most recent case that came to light is an indictment against Michelle Rhee, the former chancellor of the Washington, D.C. school system. The chancellor failed to pursue evidence of … >>>

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Learning in a Montessori Environment

On April 22, 2013   /   Learning  

A friend of mine has two children (ages 5 and 7) enrolled in a Montessori School. As with most Montessori schools, this one does not issue grades. While my friend does receive a progress report for each child four times a year, it is devoid of the standard A, B, C, D, F grading system. Instead, it reveals which specific skills her children are being introduced to, which they are developing, and in which they have achieved mastery.

My friend revealed that while she is pleased with this progress report system, the rest of her family doesn’t understand it. They ask her questions like, “How do you know how they rate compared to the rest of the class?” and “What’s … >>>

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