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STRESS MANAGEMENT for Living, Teaching, & Parenting

Responsibility

How To Create A Learning Community

On February 11, 2012 / Responsibility

A learning community is a place where teachers and students want to be and where teachers and students have positive feelings about what they are doing.

At the conclusion of a recent school staff development program, a teacher wrote the following comments on the evaluation form:

What I liked most: This program makes us look at ourselves as well as the children whom we touch each day.

What I liked least: I didn’t like what I saw in me.

This teacher (1) acknowledged the use of negative interactions with students, and (2) the teacher reflected and self-evaluated. She had discovered two of the three overriding practices in creating and maintaining a community of learners. The three practices are the continual

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How to Discipline without Stress® Punishment or Rewards & Promote Responsibility

On February 11, 2012 / Responsibility

Irresponsible behavior is a major problem for, teachers, parents and society.
Rewards, punishments, and telling don’t work with far too many young people.

Myths:

Rewards motivate young people to be responsible.

They don’t. The bribe becomes the focus, not responsibility. In addition, we are not honest with young people when we give them rewards for expected standards of behavior. Society does not give such rewards.

Punishments are necessary to change young people’s behavior.

Punishments satisfy the punisher but have little lasting effect on the punished. If punishment such as detention worked, why do the same students appear again and again? Once the punishment is over, the person has served the time and relinquished responsibility. Punishments engender enmity, not responsibility.

Young

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Motivation of Imposing vs. Eliciting

On August 2, 2011 / Responsibility

In a recent conversation I had with a father, he told me that when his sons were young he had attended a parenting seminar. He then related to me how using “natural” and “logical” consequences really helped him. He explained to me that the older son bullied the younger son. The father finally put the older son on the floor and with his foot upon his chest asked him how he felt when someone picked on him. The father said he never again had a problem with the older son picking on the younger son.

Regardless of what you label this approach, it is coercive and not the most effective one. The son stopped picking on his younger brother—… >>>

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Helping Young People Keep Agreements

On January 17, 2011 / Responsibility

I was asked the following question:

I work with parents in helping their children to keep their agreements. At school, I help the children to understand that if they say they will do something, it is their responsibility to keep their end of the bargain. If they do not, I tell them that I am disappointed in them and that I expect that they will keep their word when they give their word. Parents, however, do not go along with this. They look for punishments and consequences when promises (agreements) are not kept.

My response:

The way for a youngster to take ownership is to work with him/her by DEVELOPING A PROCEDURE. After the agreement (plan) is made, set up … >>>

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Victor Frankl and Responsibility

On January 3, 2011 / Responsibility

David McMillian hosts an hour-long weekly radio program entitled, “Strategies for Living.” When he interviewed me for his program, he mentioned Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl was a professor of both neurology and psychology at the University of Vienna and a prolific writer. Perhaps his most famous book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” describes what he learned in surviving three Nazi death camps. This short book has a profound positive effect on anyone who reads it.

McMillian commented that Dr. Frankl suggested that what America needed was a “Statue of Responsibility” on the West Coast to balance the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast.

Society’s emphasis on rights has not been balanced with an equal emphasis on responsibility. Many parents, having … >>>

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Teaching Responsibility

On December 17, 2010 / Responsibility

Parents and teachers have a responsibility to promote appropriate behavior. Promoting responsibility is more than a one time occurrence.

A rich woman walked up to the golf pro at an expensive resort and said, “I’d like for you to teach my friend here how to play golf.”

“Fine,” said the pro, “but how about you?”

“Oh, I learned yesterday!” she replied.

I share this rather humorous story to illustrate that learning to promote responsibility is something like learning to play golf. You can’t master it all in one day. But I can tell you that, like golf, prompting people to act responsibly by asking reflective questions is a skill you can learn. As with any skill, the more you … >>>

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An Empowering Story

On November 18, 2010 / Responsibility

The old story told of a banker who often dropped a coin in a beggar’s cup bears repeating.

Unlike most people, the banker would insist on getting one of the pencils the beggar had with him. The banker would say, “You are a merchant, and I always expect to receive good value from the merchants with whom I do business.”

That daily routine went on for some time, but one day the poor street beggar was gone. Time passed, and the banker forgot about him.

Years later the banker walked by a little store, and there was the former beggar, now a shopkeeper. The shopkeeper said, “I always hoped you might come by some day. You are largely responsible for … >>>

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Self-Esteem and Self-Acceptance

On October 25, 2010 / Responsibility

Many people are searching for acceptance outside of themselves when they haven’t yet learned to accept themselves. Self- acceptance means being O.K. with WHO you are and WHERE you are. It means being kind to yourself even when you make mistakes, fail, or do really stupid things. It requires developing some self-discipline and should be a parenting priority.

Self-acceptance is a close relative to self-esteem. It is difficult to have one without the other, and, if you have one, you will tend to have the other.

There may be many reasons why people have low self-acceptance but most fall into one or more of the following areas: a perceived desire to be perfect, a focus on imperfections rather than … >>>

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Over-Responsibility

On October 6, 2010 / Responsibility

QUESTION:

I am a recipient of your “Promoting Responsibility” newsletter, and I would like to pose a question.

I believe in responsibility; however, my problem is feeling OVER-RESPONSIBLE for many things which shouldn’t be my responsibility. However, fearing that I may be looking for excuses not to do something, I take the blame for things that aren’t really my fault or shoulder tasks that I shouldn’t be doing.

Where is the path and method of knowing the difference of knowing when it is my duty and when I should impose the responsibility or blame on others?

My other problem is related to that of being responsible, I have become independent, not trying to look to others to blame or solve … >>>

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Victimization

On September 8, 2010 / Responsibility

Avoid the victimization mentality for yourself—and for others. Victim type thinking is toxic and disempowering. Empowerment is so much more effective. And even if it were not, you would still be happier in an empowerment mode than in a victimhood mode.

Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking. Certainly, some home situations diminish optimum learning, but they do not prevent learning.

Regardless of the situation, people can be taught that they can be masters of their fate, that they can be victors rather than victims. Students can be taught that they have the power to choose to learn or … >>>

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Happiness

On August 4, 2010 / Responsibility

You have a responsibility to yourself to think and participate in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life, one that brings you happiness.

Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”

Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor.

What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of ecstasy are wonderful moments. But happiness comes from being content most of the time. This occurs when you have thoughts and feelings of well being, an inner sense of balance and … >>>

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B.F. Skinner vs. Marvin Marshall

On July 29, 2010 / Responsibility

“Several years ago, I had the opportunity to do a lengthy interview with B.F. Skinner. I concluded that I do not subscribe to much of what he taught—for example, his rejection of all inferred states such as attitudes and motivation.

“Dr. Marvin Marshall’s book addresses a fundamental problem that every society must solve: how to produce individuals who will take responsibility for doing the important tasks that need to get done. He focuses on what is the essence of good citizenship in the home, school, and nation. Using some of the latest findings of social science, Dr. Marshall has developed an approach that enables parents and teachers to help young people grow into responsible citizens and live satisfying and rewarding … >>>

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Self-Esteem

On July 7, 2010 / Responsibility

While finishing my dinner after a presentation for the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD) in San Antonio, a few years ago, I thought I recognized one of the three people sitting at the next table. Their order had just been taken, and so I took advantage of the time before their food was served. I approached the table. The result was a most interesting conversation with John Glenn, his wife, and a representative of the W.K. Kellogg Foundation.

The former astronaut (first American to orbit the earth, 1962, and former four-term Ohio Senator) recently initiated a "service leadership" program, a joint effort of the John Glenn Institute for Public Service and Public Policy and the Kellogg Foundation.

I … >>>

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Responsibility Finds a Way

On April 28, 2010 / Responsibility

Whenever my students gave me an excuse for something within their control, my standard comment was, "Responsibility finds a way; irresponsibility finds an excuse." The purpose of this mantra was to encourage responsible thinking and behavior.

Since being responsible requires thinking, effort, and choosing from a range of difficult decisions, many young people nonconsciously convince themselves that it is too insurmountable a challenge. Some blame others for their problems without any thought as to responsible responses to their problems (challenges). Others hope that someone will come along and make everything right.

People can operate more responsibly if they have a strategy.

One strategy is to ask young people the following question: "If you wanted to be fully responsible right now, … >>>

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Responsibility, Stress, and Procedures

On April 15, 2010 / Responsibility

A thought to keep in mind in promoting responsibility with the young is not to do something for them that they can do for themselves.

When we want the young person to do something and he or she does not, oftentimes stress is induced—on the adult. The youngster is aware of your emotions and (nonconsciously) derives a sense of power from it. What the young person is doing—or not doing—is seen as directing your emotions.

Let's assume the young person has a number of things to do and is lackadaisical about doing them. You remind the youngster to no avail. Time passes. Another reminder is forthcoming with the same result.

Rather than become increasingly stressed, have a chat. The conversation … >>>

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America the Beautiful

On April 13, 2010 / Responsibility

Years ago my family and I took the cog railway up to Pike’s Peak, just outside of Colorado Springs, Colorado. Cartographers named the peak after Zebulon Pike, who first reported the 14,110 foot peak in 1806. The view of the majestic purple mountain range was so inspiring that I easily understood why the view prompted a Massachusetts teacher to compose a poem.

Since the singing of its first stanza has recently resounded across the nation, you may enjoy the poem written by Katherine Lee Bates in its entirety.

Notice that the second verse is about self-control, a key factor in both national and individual responsible behaviors.

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
by Katharine Lee Bates

O beautiful for spacious skies
For amber … >>>

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Fostering Social Responsibility

On March 26, 2010 / Responsibility

At a meeting of representatives from the schools, a very interesting comment was made. A
representative said that her school did not have major discipline problems. The concern of the school had to do with the social skills and responsibility that students would carry with them
when they left the school, i.e., the influence the school would have on them in the future.

The comment struck a very tender spot with me—one that brought to mind how I got started and
why I am doing what I do.

I returned to the classroom after 24 years in school counseling, supervision, and administration—looking forward to the joy of once again working with young people. The prime factor that struck me more … >>>

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