Stress Management for Living, Teaching, & Parenting

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Stop the Stress of Being a Helicopter Parent

helicopter parents and stress

Can being a helicopter parent cause stress for the children being hovered over? According to researchers, the answer is yes. Helicopter parenting can cause anxiety and stress for both the parents and the children.

To help alleviate this stress, implement the following tips on how NOT to be a helicopter parent:

  1. Have the mindset of raising young people to be secure yet empowered to have wings.
  1. Realize that every time you do something that a young person can do, you are depriving that person of taking responsibility and developing positive self-esteem.
  1. Understand that if you want a young person to be mature, you must ask yourself if what you are doing is in the young person’s best interest or is
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Stress Management for Parents

stress management for parents

Most parents I know are seeking help with stress management. Between work and family, there is always so much to do. No wonder so many parents turn to rewards and punishments in order to get their children to comply. Unfortunately, using such techniques actually makes the parent’s stress level rise. If you want true parental stress management, you need to focus on responsibility, not outdated parenting models.

Here’s why.

Social scientists have determined that we accept inner responsibility for a behavior when we think we have CHOSEN to perform it in the absence of outside pressure, such as a large reward.

While an incentive may get us to perform a certain action, it won’t get us to accept inner responsibility … >>>

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Your Words and Stress Management

words and stress management

The words you choose to think and say play a big role in stress management. That’s because language shapes thinking. And what you think dictates how you feel.

For example, saying, “I am angry,” communicates a state of being. And the more you say it, the angrier you will likely get. In contrast, as soon as you change the language to an action verb as in, “I am angering,” you immediately become aware you we have a choice. When you feel that you have a choice in a situation, you will feel less stress. Changing the adjective to a verb empowers you to choose your response to an emotion and aids in stress management.

Taking conscious control of your self-talk … >>>

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Stress Management Advice for New Teachers

stress management for teachers

Stress management is key for all aspects of life. However, I find that new teachers feel an enormous amount of stress as they enter the profession. That’s why one of my overarching goals is to help teachers gain some stress management techniques that will make their new profession much more enjoyable.

The philosophy behind my book Discipline Without Stress includes three objectives: 1) Empower students by communicating to them in positive ways, 2) Reduce coercion by offering choices, and 3) Have them improve by asking reflective questions. This same message comes through in my other books, Parenting Without Stress and Live Without Stress.

Unfortunately, too many teachers—new and seasoned alike—do not realize that they are in the relationship, marketing, and … >>>

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Use Your Memories for Stress Management

Memories and Stress Management

While we all have both good and bad experiences in our life, the fact is that your memories can play a big role in your stress management. Which memories are you allowing to replay in your mind? Are you focusing on the good memories or the unpleasant ones? While I’m certainly not suggesting that you try to erase your negative memories, you can use the power of positivity to lower your stress when recalling any memory.

Science tells us that our emotions engrave the brain with memories, but our emotions also distort it.

Memory is a three-stage process. The first is the actual experience—the original information. The second is the storage or consolidation of the information over many hours, days, … >>>

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Reduce Relationship Problems by Giving

Reduce Relationship Problems by Giving

The key to solving relationship problems is to give. And while you can give without loving, you cannot love without giving.

At the root of so many relationship problems is the fact that people just stop giving. The type of giving that I am referring to involves giving of oneself—not necessarily “things.”

This is especially the case in parent-child relationships. Parents often give “things” rather than experiences. They mistakenly think that’s what the kids want. Then, when the kids grow up, they have little to remember.

Years ago, Charles Frances Adams, a 19th-century diplomat, wrote in his diary one day, “Took my boy fishing today. A wasted day.” His son, Brook Adams, wrote in his diary the same day, “Went … >>>

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Teaching the Hierarchy of Social Development

Hierarchy of Social Development

Rather than reacting after a behavior problem appears, you can use the Hierarchy of Social Development to be proactive. As soon as your child can talk, you begin with the easy teaching of four (4) concepts of the Hierarchy of Social Development. These four concepts are the foundation of the system that handles all behavior problems while promoting responsibility.

The first two concepts (Level A and Level B) refer to behavior and are both unacceptable. Level C and D refer to motivation and are both acceptable.

Note: Having young people learn the concepts is critical because reference is never made directly to a child’s behavior; reference is always referred to the level the youngster has chosen.… >>>

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Winner of the Week – May 21, 2017

winner of the week

It’s time to announce the winner of the week! Each week I choose one winner to receive a free copy of the winner’s choice from one of my electronic publications listed here.

The winner is chosen for the best story or experience from one (not each) of the following topics:

  • Live Without Stress,
  • Parenting Without Stress,
  • Discipline Without Stress, or
  • Using authority without coercion (Not using bribes to control, telling, threats, or imposed punishments) to achieve a goal

Here is this week’s winning story:

It was a beautiful afternoon and instead of playing inside with my kindergarteners, I took them outside on the playground. My students ran wildly out the door and began to swing, slide, jump, and laugh. … >>>

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Stop Being the Victim of Emotional Hijacking

emotional hijacking

Have you ever felt like you’ve been the victim of an emotional hijacking? In other words, have your emotions ever overridden your brain in a particular situation? Perhaps you acted from your emotions and later realized you could have handled the situation better.

The following story a reader sent me about her realization of her own emotional hijacking may ring true for you too:

“When I read your recommendations in handling discipline problems, I can agree. But when it comes to implementing them at the time of need, I find myself overcome with anger and forget your recommendations. In other words, theoretically, I agree with your recommendations of behavior but when it comes to practice I have to deal with … >>>

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Choose Positive Words

Positive Words

Positive words have a positive effect on your life. The fact is that the words you choose can help you win or lose. They can put you in a positive mood, or they can enable you to free fall into a downward spiral. Your words can make you feel empowered, or they can burden you with stress. In any case, you get to choose the words you think and say. That means you have total control over your outlook and stress load.

Here’s a simple example of how your words—even a single word—can promote a positive mindset and why positive words are always the best choice. Consider the following example that a 14-year-old student sent me:

“When I think of … >>>

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Grading Student Behavior Doesn’t Work

grading student behavior

I have heard of teachers grading student behavior. But I was thunderstruck when a parent informed me that a teacher was using the letters of the Hierarchy of Social Development to have students grade themselves.

When you ask children to grade themselves on their behavior, the inference is that this is necessary because they may behave irresponsibly. This, by itself, is contrary to the Discipline Without Stress model. Teachers should be positive and assume that students will act responsibly.

The Perils of Grading Student Behavior

We all know that on a grading scale the letter “A” represents the highest. Unfortunately—AND WITH GREAT MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE HIERARCHY OF SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT—this teacher was asking students to grade their own behavior each day, … >>>

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The Perils of Praise

perils of praise

I often talk and write about how acknowledging a person’s behavior is more effective than offering praise. For example, saying, “You treated your bother with real consideration” is more empowering and has a greater positive emotional impact than saying, “I am so pleased by the way you treated your brother.”

Reinforcing and empowering self-understanding is much more useful for the person than praise, which shows no indication for judging progress.

HERE ARE TWENTY POTENTIAL PERILS OF PRAISE

  1. Praise prompts a dependence on others for approval.
  2. Praising youth can increase learned helplessness if young people rely on approval in lieu of their own motivation.
  3. Praise can generate disappointment for those who don’t receive it when others do. Experts call this “punished
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Tips for Behavior Management

behavior management

Many teachers ask me for behavior management tips. They complain about “unpredictable” or “problematic” students and want to know to minimize these challenges.

I’m sure we all have experienced “unpredictable” or “problematic” student behaviors in our classes. The key question is how can we respond to them in positive ways that are helpful to the student exhibiting the behavior, to the rest of our students, and to our own sanity?

In order to foster positive, not punitive classroom management strategies, teachers need to always keep this question in mind: “Will what I am about to do or say bring me closer or will it push me away farther from the person with whom I am communicating?” This is the most … >>>

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How to Praise Children the Right Way

praise children

We all want to praise children for doing good things. But not all praise is created equal. The following points address how to effectively praise children.

1. If you would not use the same praise to an adult, resist using it with a young person.

2. Eliminate starting with, “I’m so pleased that….” The inference is that the youngster’s motivation is to please YOU.

Here is an alternative to praise: acknowledgments. They are more effective than praise and accomplish what you want without praise’s disadvantage.

(Please keep in mind that I am NOT suggesting NEVER praise children; just keep it to a minimum and acknowledge more.)

Saying, “I’m so proud of you for doing your work” implies that the student … >>>

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How to Influence People

influence people

What is the best way to influence people? Every day of your life you are influencing others in some way. But which way is best? Here are common ways to influence people:

  1. Using coercion or force.
    Threat or punishment is the approach here. This works as long as the threat is more powerful than the desire to resist it.
  1. Offering an incentive or reward.
    With young people, the incentives are generally those that appeal for immediate satisfaction, rather than to those that build responsible character development and mature values. This approach is commonly used in homes and schools to get the young to do what the adult wants. It promotes a mindset of “What will I get for doing it?”
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Stress Management is a Life Skill

life skill

Did you know that stress management is a life skill? Unfortunately, from my own research and the findings of others, it seems that the general public’s stress management IQ is painfully low. This is unfortunate because being able to manage stress is a key factor for a successful life.

Some experts suggest that a little stress is good, but high levels of stress are harmful to most people. Too much stress adversely affects health, mood, and productivity. Some people perform and feel better when faced with moderate levels of stress. And some people are able to perform well under highly stressful conditions (Olympic athletes). However, it is also possible to perform well when relaxed (masters of kung fu). In my … >>>

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Dr. Marvin Marshall
P.O. Box 2227
Los Alamitos, CA 90720
Phone: 714.220.1882
marv@marvinmarshall.com
Piper Press
P.O. Box 2227
Los Alamitos, CA 90720
Phone: 559.805.1389
order@piperpress.com