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STRESS MANAGEMENT for Living, Teaching, & Parenting

Responsibility

Modeling Responsibility

On December 3, 2015 / Responsibility

Regardless of the character trait—whether it be self-control, respect, kindness, tolerance, fairness, honesty, empathy, integrity or any other—every trait relies on responsibility. No positive character trait can exist without it. In addition, none can be mandated or given.

These traits are not inborn. They need to be learned. This requires teaching.

Part I of the Discipline Without Stress Teaching Model is the foundation for promoting responsibility. WHEN WE OMIT TEACHING AND PRACTICING PROCEDURES, WE ARE ACTUALLY DEPRIVING YOUNG PEOPLE OF THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE.

Following is a good classroom management checklist for schools. DO YOUR STUDENTS KNOW:
• How to enter your classroom quietly?
• What they should do right after the bell rings?
• How to pass … >>>

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Questions About Work Ethic

On December 1, 2015 / Discipline, Responsibility

Here are a few of the most common questions I receive from teachers regarding students’ work ethic. Some of them may resonate with you.

Question 1: Is your system of promoting responsibility connected to work ethic or just behaviors of following the rules?

My reply:
First, I always say, “Rules are meant to control, not inspire.” I became a teacher for the latter, not the former. Second, I refer to character education on seven pages in my book. The foundational principle of any character education or work ethic is responsibility. Without it, nothing else stands.

Question 2: Does your system work well with secondary students?

My reply:
The teaching model works with anyone, of any age, in any learning situation.… >>>

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Questions About Rewards

On November 19, 2015 / Discipline, Responsibility

Here are a few of the most common questions I receive from teachers regarding rewards. Some of them may resonate with you.

Question 1: “I am aware of your stance on giving students rewards. However, when students do their work and get good grades, isn’t the grade a reward?”

My reply:
Yes, the good grade is a reward, and there is nothing wrong with this reward. Neither is anything wrong with rewards as acknowledgments.

What I object to is giving rewards for expected, appropriate behavior. Grades are an incentive and they work to motivate only if the person is interested in a good grade. Many students are. But some could care less about the grade given them by a teacher.… >>>

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Do Teens Need Discipline?

On November 12, 2015 / Responsibility

I often come across articles about how an incompletely developed brain accounts for the emotional problems and irresponsible behavior of teenagers. It is true that teenagers, by virtue of their hormonal changes, are prone to be emotionally volatile, unpredictable, self-absorbed, and hypersensitive. However, the IMMATURE BRAIN that supposedly causes teen problems is nothing less than a myth. Most of the brain changes that are observed during the teen years lie on a continuum of changes that takes place over much of our lives.

In addition, some of these myths are based on studies of brain activity of teens as compared to adults. But snapshots of brain activities have nothing to do with causation. A person’s emotions, such as stress, continuously … >>>

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Stress and Learned Helplessness

On October 20, 2015 / Responsibility

We know that when stress overcomes us, choices seem limited, thereby decreasing effectiveness. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction: learned helplessness.

This phenomenon has been studied in laboratory rodents whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans. Here is how one experiment works. If you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the … >>>

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Choice Redirects Behavior

On October 15, 2015 / Responsibility

Here is an example of how choice can be used to redirect an impulse toward more responsible behavior—even with a very young child. It is part of a communication from a friend.

“I marvel at what my grandson understands and how he manages to communicate. The other night his parents went to dinner, and he started to cry real tears and scream. I picked him up and gave him a hug and proceeded to explain to him that mommy and daddy went to dinner and they would soon come back. Then I asked him if he wanted to keep on crying until they returned or play with his trains. The tears shut off like a switch! He loves Thomas the … >>>

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Experiences Promote Responsibility

On October 6, 2015 / Responsibility

A generation or two ago, parents promoted the characteristics of initiative and perseverance to their children. In other words, parents thought twice before doing things for young people that the youngsters could do for themselves. Of course, without the presence of 24/7 technology permeating every aspect of life back then, times, in general, were slower and perhaps even less stressful. Today, most people (young and old alike) want things done now—quickly and correctly. This may explain, in part, why adults tend to do more things for youth.

We can promote initiative and perseverance, which are part and parcel of responsibility, by asking ourselves, “If I do this for the youngster when I know that the youngster is capable, will I … >>>

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Modeling Choice

On September 17, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Many years ago, a reader from Australia sent me the following note:

If we want kids to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible, we have to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible ourselves. As has been said, “Modeling is not just a way to teach; it is the only way to teach.”

Choice is essential to the teaching and learning of values. You cannot mandate generosity, caring, responsibility, honesty, etc. These values can only be promoted in an environment of choice.

You can only show honesty, caring, responsibility, etc. when you can choose not to behave in these ways. Many kids these days have huge amounts of freedom, but they do not have the responsible behavior to handle their freedom.… >>>

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Promote a Positive Mindset in Youth

On July 30, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets.

For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone could easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 20 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.

Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They believe and feel they can accomplish the task. Off the … >>>

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Stop Trying to Control Youth

On July 16, 2015 / Discipline, Responsibility

When parents and teachers first learn about the Discipline Without Stress methodology, they often ask me, “What sort of consequence would a child with level ‘A’ (Anarchy) behavior receive?”

The answer to this is in a prime difference between Discipline Without Stress and other approaches. Whether the consequence is referred to as logical or natural, as long as it is IMPOSED it will prompt a negative feeling and, therefore, one of resistance.

Rather than imposing a consequence, ELICIT it. The conversation goes something like, “This behavior is on a level that is simply inappropriate in our classroom (or home), and it is unacceptable. What do you suggest we do so that you will not continue to be a victim of … >>>

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Positivity Promotes Responsibility

On July 7, 2015 / Responsibility

Positivity (conscious optimism) induces responsibility. For everyone, including children, a positive attitude begins between the ears.

In fact, the most important thing people can control is their state of mind. A state of mind is something that one assumes. It cannot be purchased. It must be created.

Therefore, thinking and acting responsibly (or irresponsibly) begins with how a person shapes their own thoughts and communicates with others.

As leaders, teachers, and parents, we have an obligation to help young people shape and control their thoughts so that their impulses and tendency to blame and complain don’t control them. That’s when they will feel empowered to take responsibility for their actions and choices.

What techniques have you used with children that … >>>

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The Discipline of Classroom Collaboration

On June 25, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Rather than having students work in isolation on a project or problem, instill learning and working communities that collaborate.

To foster the discipline of collaboration, here is a simple technique to try: Have students volunteer to relate something that SOMEONE ELSE has done successfully. Then decide on how often this activity should be conducted, such as weekly or monthly.

You’ll find that trust and a collaborative spirit grow by having others share positive incidents of someone other than him/herself. Examples of incidents could be helping someone with an assignment, using a new procedure, or being a friend to someone in need.

Rather than the usual approach of the teacher recognizing one person above the others, sharing activities or incidents empowers … >>>

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Change Takes Time

On June 18, 2015 / Responsibility

One of the most challenging things about moving to the Raise Responsibility System is remembering to use the three principles of being positive, asking (rather than telling), and empowering by giving choices.

It doesn’t happen overnight, and no one will tell you that you can be an expert when first starting. We’re all struggling to change previous mindsets, to pause before we blurt out automatic phrases that are negative, to get rid of those “old teacher stares,” and to be proactive instead of reactive. It’s not easy, so just try to take the pressure off yourself by not expecting perfection. That route leads to discouragement.

Instead, just set little goals for yourself. For instance, try for an hour to always … >>>

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Discipline Online

On June 17, 2015 / Classroom Management, Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning, Parenting, Responsibility

Discipline Online is now available for teachers, parents, and anyone working with young people.

If you are at a school, home, or youth setting where discipline and behavior are out of control and where young people are not acting responsibly, then Discipline Online will be of great assistance. If you are a leader, teacher, or parent that imposes punishments, lectures, nags, or uses time-outs or detention, then Discipline Online is for you. If you are still rewarding young people for things they should be doing anyway, learn a better way.

You owe it to yourself—and to the people with whom you work—to use a more effective approach than any of those mentioned above. Learn how to deal with behavior challenges … >>>

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Youth and Friends

On June 11, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

It is a hard fact of life but a true one: We can outgrow friendships just like we outgrow shoes.

Understanding this concept can significantly help young people who have a strong desire to want to be like others and want to feel that they are their friend’s “best friend.” It is often “painful” for a young person to see their “best friend” associate more with others than with themselves.

Some good advice for young people (and for older ones, too) is to:
• Find new interests
• Make new friends
• Find fun things to do

By being your own best friend, you will always have one friend you can rely on. Therefore, learning to like yourself—HAVING A GOOD … >>>

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Promote Responsibility with Small Steps

On May 14, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Although fear is usually just negative self-talk about a perceived situation, there are times when it is most difficult to think that it is not real. So rather than attempting to eradicate your fear, warm up to it.

We can learn from our children. Children don’t say, “I can’t because I’m afraid.” For example, a youngster will get on a high diving board and dive off even though she has never done it before. She’ll run to the parent with a great smile, and the parent will ask, “Weren’t you afraid?” She’ll respond, “Yes, I was afraid; I was really scared.”

But a grown-up won’t do the same thing. If you say to a grown-up, “Are you going to dive … >>>

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Action Leads to Responsibility

On May 7, 2015 / Responsibility

If you reflect on your self-talk, you will conclude that your thoughts often involve past experiences or future visions. However, what you are choosing to do in the present is often done nonconsciously.

Taking action is a current activity—not a past or future one. In addition, action requires more than thought. For example, if there are three frogs on a lily pond and one decides to jump, you may conclude—in error—that there would be two frogs left. However, deciding to jump is not the same as jumping. In this situation, three frogs would still be left.

More than thinking about the past or the future, it is taking action in the present that leads to responsible behavior.… >>>

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