Recently I was glancing through a book from the public library: THE BOOK OF NURTURING–Nine Natural Laws for Enriching Your Family Life by Linda and Richard Eyre.
In the chapter on discipline, a little story caught my eye because it contained a very PROACTIVE and POSITIVE suggestion that could be used by anyone who wanted to make changes in their life or wanted to develop new habits.
I find that many people are first attracted to the DWS Teaching Model because they like the idea of acting positively in discipline situations with young people, yet initially they find that the habit of positivity doesn’t come to them either naturally or automatically. Most people find that it’s something they must consciously and patiently develop over time.
The strategy offered in the following story, that of composing a written description of habits that one would like to eventually develop, would be a very effective strategy for those who are learning to use the DISCIPLINE without STRESS approach. Creating a written “vision” is a project that could also be used with STUDENTS who express a desire to make positive changes to their own patterns of behavior.
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Quoted from page 89 of THE BOOK OF NURTURING written by Linda and Richard Eyre:
One of the most inspirational things you can see in this world is a parent who, by the sheer force of will breaks a destructive pattern of behavior that has gone on through many past generations and starts a more positive and respectful parental behavior that will carry forward into future generations.
We have a friend, now a single mother of three, who was physically and verbally abused by both of her parents throughout her childhood, just as they had been abused by theirs. She’s a large and somewhat gruff woman, qualities that make her highly effective in her factory supervisory job. Yet with her children, she is an amazing example of tenderness and patience.
This friend told us that her parents’ bad example motivated her resolution to be the opposite with her own kids. Many parents have made this kind of vow, only to fall into the same patterns as their parents. This mom, though, went a step further than vowing to be different. She actually took the time to write a careful and thorough DESCRIPTION of the kind of mom she wanted to be. She didn’t include what she didn’t want to be or the mistakes her parents had made that she wanted to avoid. She just defined and described, completely from the positive side, the kind of tender, nurturing calm, and controlled mom she wanted to be. She reads that description, and sometimes adds to or edits it, nearly every week. It has crept into her subconscious and influences how she responds to and treats her children.
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