Discipline Without Stress Newsletter – July 2012

Volume 12 Number 7


  1. Welcome
  2. Promoting Responsibility
  3. Increasing Effectiveness
  4. Improving Relationships
  5. Promoting Learning
  6. Parenting
  7. Discipline without Stress (DWS)
  8. Reviews and Testimonials



An attitude of gratitude may be a platitude, but it still remains one of the best ways to view one’s life.

–Dr. Mardy Grothe


For summer reading, the second edition revised of my education book is now available as an e-book from my site and other e-book sites.


After years of research and personal experience, I will be launching a PERSONALITY BEHAVIOR ASSESSMENT next month for parents, teachers and anyone who just wants to learn to get a long better with others.

In my education and parenting book, I lay out the personality styles of thinker, feeler, doer, and relater.
Being aware of your particular style enhances your effectiveness with others.

For example, discovering that my styles lay in the “thinker”
and “doer” areas and my daughter’s are in the “feeler” and “relater” areas significantly increased my relationship with her and helped me become a much more enjoyable and effective parent.

Personality behavior assessments have successfully been used in many industries to improve interpersonal relations between employees, customers, management, and other types of interactions.

Although my assessment is labeled for parents, it is also ideal for teachers–really for anyone–interested in becoming aware one’s own styles. An added dividend is that children, parents, friends, students, colleagues (or anyone else you ask) can take an anonymous assessment of how they perceive you at no additional charge.

After taking the assessment, you will receive a comprehensive, 20+ page report that details your behavioral and personality tendencies in various situations, information on how others perceive you, and suggestions for increasing your effectiveness with others.

You can look forward to taking the highly fruitful assessment within the month from the parenting link at http://marvinmarshall.com/parents/


I am now “blogging” on a regular basis. You can see the articles and subscribe free at http://marvinmarshall.com/blog/

Please notice that the posts are divided into various
topics: discipline, learning, effectiveness, responsibility, relationships, and parenting.


I had the privilege of presenting the opening keynote session at the 16th Annual CHARACTER MATTERS CONFERENCE held on June 25 and 26, 2012 at the University of San Diego.

The program for June 25 read as follows:

“In the morning session, Marv will share his Discipline Without Stress Punishments or Rewards Teaching Model that significantly reduces discipline problems while fostering student responsibility and a desire to put forth effort in learning.

“Included in the session will be:
-a system for reducing conflicts and stress -innovative strategies that foster respect and
-proactive methods for creating and maintaining a motivated
learning community”

Among the numerous comments given me after the presentation were two that I often receive: (1) “If I learn nothing else, your ideas made the conference worthwhile,” and (2) “This was the best staff development I have attended in my many years of teaching and attending conferences.”

One reason that the invitation was extended me to present again at this annual conference was that the Discipline Without Stress system promotes responsibility, the foundational characteristic of any character education program.

All of the information I presented is available free on my website http://marvinmarshall.com/website. There are also inexpensive e-books at the STORE from the site –including the 100-page Resoource Guide that I use in my presentations.


As a parent and educator, whenever a young person gave me an excuse for something within their control, my standard comment was, “Responsibility finds a way; irresponsibility finds an excuse.”

I then asked, “What can you do?”

The purpose was to encourage responsible thinking and behavior. Since being responsible requires thinking, effort, and choosing from a range of oftentimes difficult decisions, many young people convince themselves that it is too insurmountable a challenge. Some blame others for their problems without any thought as to their own options for responsible responses. Others hope that someone will come along and make everything right.

While I was having lunch one day with one of the world’s eminent psychiatrists, William Glasser, he posed the following question to me: “In the sport of baseball, when is an out an out?” He then answered his own question, “Only when the umpire calls it one–and not before.”

Following this line of thinking, when is a problem a problem? Answer: when it is labeled a problem. When a youngster refers to a “problem,” immediately replace that word with the word “challenge.” Young people quickly catch on and start to do the same because the word is empowering.
This simple approach changes how they deal with challenges.

Quoted from:


Heads of state, chief executives, parents, teachers and other leaders are not born with the power to inspire.

For much of human history leaders have been depicted as having various characteristics. The topic has been of interest to me since my masters’ thesis included a study of leadership characteristics.

Leadership is now commonly defined as a social process, as opposed to a trait, that enables a person to motivate others to help achieve group goals.

Leaders often have some kind of charisma by using language that establishes a sense of shared identity, such as referring to “us” and “we” rather than “me.”

Charisma is the outcome of careful craftsmanship. Recent findings suggest we all can learn to cultivate our own charisma. The trait is not something that we either possess or lack. Rather it is something we can actively construct.

When President Franklin Delano Roosevelt died, a reporter asked one of the mourners waiting to see his funeral train at Washington’s Union Station, “Why are you here? Did you know Franklin Roosevelt?” The mourner is said to have replied, “No, but he knew me.”

In short, charismatic leaders are those who succeed in making us matter.

This brings to mind the old teaching aphorism: “Young people don’t care how much you know until they know you care.”


The wise person never looks for perfection in others because humans, by our very nature, are imperfect.


In a conversation at a recent family gathering, a relative told me that she was tutoring. I asked her how she was able to acquire clients. The following is what she shared with me.

“Tutors seeking clients and people seeking tutors both sign into the website http://www.wyzant.com/

“The big advantage for me is that Wyzant does all the bookkeeping and fees collection. I get paid by direct deposit, in my case 65 percent of what I charge the client.

“The website contains a permanent record of my hours, clients and earnings to which I can at any time refer.

“Wyzant does background checks and qualifying exams for each subject certification.”

The site may be of assistance for teachers and students during the summer months (and during the school year).


Here is a two-word motivating tip that you can use for encouraging your children.

“Extend yourself!”

Of course this can work in any situation and with anyone.
Kerry Weisner in British Columbia related how she used it in her classroom.

She wrote, “One boy is actually quite a good reader but rather a lazy fellow. I just introduced one of our reading exercises by saying, ‘This is the section I have planned for you today but there’s a further part that you might want to read if you would like to extend yourself.’ Right away he sat up and read twice as much as he would normally read.”


Eli Kashman has been using DWS for many years. He related to me how he introduced his discipline approach that was different from others in the middle school.

He started by describing a Tony Roma Restaurant where the customers sit down and the menu is given them. After ordering, the meal is served, and the customer pays after eating.

In MacDonald’s, the menu is posted, you stand to order, you pay before you receive your food, and you serve yourself taking your food to a table.

His purpose is to inform his students that his style is different from what they experiences with other teachers.

See what he says in the next section.


The EDUCATION book: 

Dear Dr. Marshall,

I’d like to share with you how your Discipline without Stress system has worked for me.

I started my career in education as a substitute teacher. I thought that being tough and enforcing rules was the way to control a class. However, in my first year of full-time teaching I noticed I was only getting about 20 minutes of actual instruction time in a 55-minute instructional period.
The rest of the time was spent telling students what to do, how to behave, lecturing, and even threatening with punishments. By the end of the day I was exhausted!

In my second year of teaching, I heard you speak at a conference, bought your book, and for the past eight (8) years, I have been using your method with tremendous success. My students get so much done in an instructional hour that we have time to do all the fun projects I’ve always wanted to do but thought I couldn’t. My relationship with my students became much stronger (they ask how it is that I never raise my voice), and perhaps most importantly by the end of the day I still have energy for the other people in my life who want my love and attention–my wife and two children.

My student Lexie (not her real name) serves as just one example of your system’s effectiveness. Lexie learned the Hierarchy of Social Development and took pride in aiming at Level D motivation. When she acted inappropriately, I simply asked her to reflect, “Lexie, on what level are you choosing now?” She simply looked down and said, “I’m sorry. . . . B.
I’ll change it.” Lexie stood out as a natural leader who helped others learn and rise to Level D. I learned that in previous years, Lexie hated school, received poor grades, academically and behaviorally, and was considered a “trouble maker” who was sent to the office for disciplinary reasons numerous times. What a shame!

Using your system has not only improved my lifestyle and that of my family’s, but also that of my students. They have learned life-long lessons about making choices, responsibility, and internal motivation.

On behalf of myself, my family, and over 1000 students who have been in my classes over the years, thank you!

Eli Kashman, M.Ed.
Los Angeles, California


The PARENTING book: 

I am delighted that Dr. Marshall has finally written a book specifically for parents. I have been using his approach since my daughter was five years old. His principles are right on the mark.

Jodi Walker
Southern California


The following is from a recent SEMINAR evaluation:

I really enjoyed the workshop. I am excited to start his program in my classroom right away and feel that the workshop prepared me to do so. I have new motivation to change my students lives.

Heather McCammon
Wood River, Illinois