Volume 11 Number 3
IN THIS ISSUE:
- Welcome
- Promoting Responsibility
- Increasing Effectiveness
- Improving Relationships
- Promoting Learning
- Parenting
- Discipline without Stress (DWS)
- Reviews and Testimonials
1. WELCOME
MONTHLY QUOTE:
When I returned to the classroom after 24 years in counseling and administration, the lack of responsibility on the part of some students glared out at me. That’s when I asked myself, “How can I promote responsible behavior.”
The outcome was the Raise Responsibility System, now part of the teaching model at http://marvinmarshall.com/teaching_model.html
In developing the program, I decided to be PROACTIVE, rather than always reacting after an inappropriate behavior. That’s when I developed the Hierarchy of Social Development.
Every so often someone writes me about the problems the person has with using the vocabulary with young people. Here is my response about two of the terms.
Regarding the term “democracy”:
I carefully explain that I use the term “democracy” or rule by the people (demo = people; cracy = rule)) because my focus is to promote responsibility and the two are inseparable. There can be no rule by the people unless the people are responsible.
I also emphasize that once the concept is introduced, I do not refer to the word–only to “Level D.”
Regarding the term “anarchy”:
A young girl was arguing with her mother. The mother was explaining to her daughter that the car was running. The girl insisted that the car was not running. After numerous explanations, the mother asked her young daughter the reason she didn’t think the car was running. The youngster replied, “Because the car doesn’t have feet.”
Young people have no problem with the word “anarchy” because to them it’s just a new word. Anarchy to a kindergarten student can look like toys and playthings scattered all over the floor.
I ASK TEACHERS (and parents) TO LOOK AT THE VOCABULARY THROUGH YOUNG PEOPLE’S EYES.
I emphasize that the hierarchy are levels of social (and personal development)–that we are EXPLAINING, NOT TEACHING anarchy or bullying. Regarding teaching Level B, link to http://marvinmarshall.com/bullying.htm.
You will notice that the emphasis of the entire program is to empower young people so they will be aware of AND NOT ENGAGE in level A or B behavior.
Reviewing the SIGNIFICANT POINTS helps clarify and increases understanding of the levels–especially that levels A and B refer to BEHAVIORS while levels C and D refer to MOTIVATION.
http://marvinmarshall.com/pdf/hierarchy_significant_points.pdf
2. PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY
There is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise that was traveling along the Eastern seaboard. It saw a light in front and thought that the ship was going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.”
A message came back, “We cannot move.”
A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you don not move, we will collide.”
Another message came back. “Sorry, we will and cannot move.”
A last message was sent. “We are the mighty U.S.S.
Enterprise. If you do not change course, we will destroy you–guaranteed.”
The message came back: “We are the lighthouse. Your choice.”
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Too often we want others to change when it is up to us to change OUR course.
3. INCREASING EFFECTIVENESS
There is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise that was traveling along the Eastern seaboard. It saw a light in front and thought that the ship was going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.”
A message came back, “We cannot move.”
A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you don not move, we will collide.”
Another message came back. “Sorry, we will and cannot move.”
A last message was sent. “We are the mighty U.S.S.
Enterprise. If you do not change course, we will destroy you–guaranteed.”
The message came back: “We are the lighthouse. Your choice.”
—-
Too often we want others to change when it is up to us to change OUR course.
4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
Paula Szuchman, the author of “SPOUSONOMICS: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes” wrote the following (Newsweek February 7, 2011, p. 8):
This research, combined with experimenting on my own husband, has led me to recommend a few core principles for anyone looking to fix their marriage.
One key area is incentives, the things that motivate people.
Mortgage deductions spur home purchases; salaries entice people to work. My husband’s incentive to close cabinets –avoid nagging–wasn’t exactly “perverse,” but it was backfiring. Turns out, there are better incentives.
One is trust, which economists have found can be surprisingly motivating. In one example, people were more likely to donate blood if they weren’t paid than if they were. Who knew?
So I tried having a little faith in my guy. I stopped nagging. And one day I came home to find “CLOSE ME” signs taped inside our cabinets as reminders to himself.
Another lesson: 50/50 isn’t the best way to divide housework. We want an egalitarian marriage. Anything else would betray the feminist principles my mother taught me.
But Adam Smith famously noted that efficiency is maximized when workers specialize. Today, I gladly pay all the bills, and my husband–most gladly–does all the sweeping and mopping.
The concept that’s had the most profound impact is “loss aversion.” Behavioral economists have shown that we hate to lose twice as much as we love to win, and when we sense we’re losing, we get irrational. Loss aversion has been partly blamed for Lehman Brothers’ failure to admit its losses early enough to save the company.
I’m vehemently averse to losing. But now I try to be aware of when I cross into loss-aversion mode during disagreements. Then I call a time-out.
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NOTE: The article has an image of two rings intersecting –one in blue marked “HIS WAY” and the other in pink marked “HER WAY. Where the rings intersect is called “COMPROMISE.”
The image is a simple Venn diagram, the exact one I use in “SOLVING CIRCLES”–the surest way to solve problems based upon the course you choose, rather than what the other person does. (See the story in the above section.)
5. PROMOTING LEARNING
Dr. Marshall,
You visited my school last spring and did a staff and parent training. We have begun implementing Discipline Without Stress this academic year. As a parent and a teacher, I love it! It is still evolving and changing at our school as we go along, which leads to my question for you regarding the practice of giving students grades for conduct.
In the past, a “campus conduct” grade has been given for each student on their quarterly report card. Students who do not receive a satisfactory conduct grade are excluded from the honor roll, regardless of their academic grades. I was wondering what your opinion is about this. Do you think conduct should have a grade on a report card, and/or should be a factor when deciding whether a student makes the honor roll?
Thank you very much for your input!
Andrea Ramirez
==========
Hi Andrea,
I believe that character development and education are intertwined. Just reflect on Nazi Germany to see what can happen when they are not.
However, the question I would ask is, “What are the characteristics that are being assessed? For example, is poor self-control and dishonesty regarded equally?”
Regarding having a grade on a report card, if it is elicited from the student, O.k.–assuming both teacher and student agree.
In all my classes, I always had the students self-evaluate.
They put the grade they thought they deserved on a small card which they showed me. In over 95 per cent of the time, it was the same grade I had assigned. This allowed my spending time with students where we disagreed.
Regarding whether or not it should be a factor when deciding whether a student makes the honor roll, I do not believe it should be a factor. If a student has been improving, think of the negative effect it has on the student by denying the honor.
I’m very pleased that you find the system beneficial. Please spread the word to teachers you know in other schools.
6. PARENTING
The following is from an interesting post by Kerry at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DisciplineWithoutStress
As part of the workshop I’m planning, I will be showing a couple of segments from a Gordon Neufeld DVD. At one point he explains why praising or rewarding a child when they display intrinsic motivation is actually damaging.
He gives the example of a very young child who sits down at the piano to make some music. Dr. Neufeld says that a parent watching would often be inclined to clap at the end of the “performance” in hopes of encouraging their child to be even more motivated about piano playing in the future. In fact, Skinnerian behaviorism would recommend rewarding in such a situation. (Skinnerian behaviorism is based on reinforcing desired behavior and ignoring undesired behavior.)
Dr. Neufeld explains that quite likely the clapping will have the opposite effect of what the parent desires OR at the very least, it will change the motivation of the child in the future. No longer will the child be motivated truly through some internal desire to play the piano or make music. In the future the child will likely be motivated to hear the parent clap again (because we all wish to please those to whom we are attached).
He says that in our society we rarely leave well enough alone. He reminds us that when we witness genuine intrinsic motivation in a child (a desire to do something for the inherent satisfaction that results), we should just LEAVE IT ALONE. We are witnessing nature unfolding perfectly. Nothing more need be done, and in fact our “meddling” can actually damage the very thing we wish to encourage.
INSTEAD of rewarding the child (thus affecting his/her motivation level), parents who feel a need to reward, should reward THEMSELVES–by feeling good inside that they have created an atmosphere in which a child has developed internal motivation. He suggests parents might examine in their own minds all the things that they have done that led their child to WANT to play music on the piano. For instance, parents might think fondly about the times they sung while playing or cuddling with their child. Those experiences might have led the child to associate music with love and so fanned a desire to create music independently.
Parents might decide to feel good that they have chosen to provide their child with access to a piano or remember the many times that they played piano WITH or FOR their youngster.
Recently, I came across a short video of a toddler independently cleaning up after a session with playdough. It occurred to me that most of us–awed by such a tiny child so intent on tidying–would have a hard time holding back with praise and clapping, but the mother in this video does just that. She watches silently, offers help only when she senses frustration and then lets well enough alone. Her little boy benefits so much from her silence. He is learning that he cleans up FOR HIMSELF. Instead of being taken off track by praise–which would lead him to assume that he is cleaning FOR HIS MOTHER–he is free to experience that clean-up is a natural conclusion to play time and that it’s INTERNALLY SATISFYING to leave a workspace tidy for the next use. This parent is giving a priceless gift to her little boy.
Kerry
More of Kerry’s posts are at http://disciplineanswers.com/
7. DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS (DWS)
Stephen Covey in his classic “7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE” refers to his now famously used term, “paradigm.”
“A paradigm is like a new pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life.”
(1) BEING POSITIVE with oneself and others, (2) being aware that we ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE in our responses, and (3 )using REFLECTION to actuate behavioral change is, for most of us, a paradigm shift.
Practicing these three NONCOERCIVE principles promotes responsibility, increases effectiveness, improves relationships, and reduces stress.
In a way it is, as Covey says, like being fitted for and wearing new glasses. It takes a little getting used to, but the brain adapts by making new neural connections. The more we practice, the stronger the reinforcement, the more glial cells our brain manufactures, and the easier and more creative we are in the use of the practices.
No discipline (or any other program) will be optimally effective without implementing these three practices.
8. REVIEWS/TESTIMONIALS
Your program has improved my life tremendously. I still have a few problems, but I have improved 100% since last year.
You methods are so productive!
I am working on more focused control as my students and I refer to the Impulse Poster. It works!
THANK YOU so much.
Mary Lou K. Los Angeles, CA
Note: The Impulse Poster is available for purchase.
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