Discipline Without Stress Newsletter – May 2010

Volume 10 Number 5


  1. Welcome
  2. Promoting Responsibility
  3. Increasing Effectiveness
  4. Improving Relationships
  5. Promoting Learning
  6. Parenting
  7. Discipline without Stress (DWS)
  8. Testimonials and Research


This edition is delivered one week earlier than the usual second Saturday of the month due to the uncertainty of Internet connections during my international travel next week.



Level D can accurately be described as
“freely chosen autonomous behaviour.”
–Kerry Weisner, British Columbia, Canada

For the many new subscribers, the levels of the Raise Responsibility System are explained at http://marvinmarshall.com/hierarchy.htm

For an understanding of how the levels are to be used, see http://marvinmarshall.com/pdf/hierarchy_significant_points.pdf


If you visit my blog at
and look in the upper right corner you will see an icon for YouTube (second from the right).

Clicking on the link takes you to my new YouTube channel.
(The direct link is http://www.youtube.com/user/MarvMarshall.)


Mother’s Day is upon us. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to give mothers (and grandmothers) a little help this May? Lower their stress with the new book, “Parenting Without Stress:
How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a Life of Your Own.”

See for yourself what those who read the Advance Copy say in order to see what a valuable gift this book would be:

Any hardbound parenting book ordered between MAY 9 – MAY 16 will receive a 25 per cent discount. Link to http://ParentingWithoutStress.org/mom/

In the coupon code on the left side, enter “MOM.” When you check out, the discount will be shown on the right side.


The cover article of Time Magazine, April 19, 2010 reads “SHOULD SCHOOLS BRIBE STUDENTS?”

As I read the article, two thoughts came to mind:

(1) Page 45 states that most adults work primarily for the reward of money.

This statement is not only over-simplified, it is incorrect.
Employment is a social contract where a person’s labor is compensated with remuneration.

Have you ever thanked your employer for your reward of being paid?

Compensation is not a reward.

(2) On page 47, the article states, “Our ultimate goal is to get kids to be intrinsically motivated.”

The problem is that using bribes NEVER transfers to intrinsic motivation. External manipulators change and detour motivation.

Instead, bribes promote, “What will I get for it?”

As has been proven in countless studies, when the reward is gone so is the motivation.


The following is from an April 19, 2010 post at

Practicing procedures is better than doling out punishment.
Practice is discipline training to do the right behavior in order to be better at it. Some students need more refined, repeated procedures to help them with self-discipline. Do it. Teach procedures for as long as it takes. This is the part that takes real stamina.


Your body directs your emotions.

You can prove this to yourself by smiling and then recording your voice. You will hear your smile in it.

So if you smile more, not only will you feel it, but others will feel it, too.

People infer your attitude based on your tone of voice.

It is smart to remember that although WORDS project MEANING, SOUNDS project FEELING.


A humorous spelling lesson:

Here are notes written by parents in a school district that shall remain anonymous. The spellings have been left intact.
If you are a teacher, you may want to have your students study and correct them–humor being a great teacher.

Use your professional judgment with some of them.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday.
She had the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.


Caring is not the same as empathy. Parents care but often do not demonstrate empathy. Empathy has to do with FEELING understood.

A simple rule is that if the young person does not “feel understood,” then empathy is not present.

Empathy can be developed. It is part of the skill of listening. Just encouraging the youngster to talk–without parental interruption–goes a long way in developing the skill.

A simple check for understanding sounds like “Do you feel that I understand how you feel?” If the response is negative, ask, “What is it that you think I don’t understand?”

Keep in mind that empathy has to do with communications, not with agreement.


Any hardbound parenting book ordered between MAY 9 – MAY 16 will receive a 25 per cent discount. Link to http://ParentingWithoutStress.org/mom/

In the coupon code on the left side, enter “MOM.” When you check out, the discount will be shown on the right side.


As we have all noticed, many publications are moving more and more to electronic publications.

I was encouraged to write a “FASTBACK” when I started presenting for Phi Delta Kappa International. So I did. The title of the 43-page monograph is “Fostering Social Responsibility,” and the title still reflects what I am devoting my life to doing.

An e-book of the publication is available at no charge:

When Phi Delta Kappa eliminated its inventory of all fastbacks, I purchased the remaining copies. If you are interested in purchasing a copy of the original monograph for your home library, send a check in United States dollars for $10.00–$5.00 for the publication and $5.00 to cover shipping and handling–to:

Marvin Marshall
P.O. Box 2227
Los Alamitos, CA 90630

PLEASE be sure your postal address can be clearly read.
Monographs will be mailed in early June.


Your book about discipline without stress, punishments and rewards is amazing. I have recommended it to our granddaughter’s teacher and intern. As grandparents we need books these days to help us with our grandchildren. There are several million grandparents helping with many aspects of their grandchildren’s care and education.

T. Rountree
Tallahassee, Florida


or the book specifically for parents and grandparents: