Discipline Without Stress Newsletter – February 2008

Volume 8 Number 2 

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Welcome

2. Promoting Responsibility

3. Increasing Effectiveness

4. Improving Relationships

5. Promoting Learning

6. Discipline without Stress

7. Testimonials and Research

1. WELCOME

MONTHLY RESPONSIBILITY AND LEARNING QUOTE:

First, I want to say that I have taught for 25 years and

have never had to use rewards or punishment for discipline.

However, I have moved to a new school where every teacher in

the school uses the “pull your card” or “move your boat,”

etc., resulting in punishments or rewards.

I have never had to do this but have been able to TEACH MY

STUDENTS TO BEHAVE BECAUSE IT WAS IN THEIR BEST

INTERESTS
AND THE RIGHT THING TO DO. However, some of the

children I
am now teaching have no idea how to use self-discipline.

They asked me to create a chart. I was ready to make up my

own little chart system when I came across your book on
the Internet.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE KNOWN IS THE BEST FORM OF

DISCIPLINE.

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom on this topic.

Jody Jarjoura

Senatobia, Mississippi.

———

I have added a new link entitled, “CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT” to

my website. The description page describes four new links:

1. “Curriculum, Instruction, Management, and Discipline”

–Understanding the differences can pinpoint the cause of a

problem.

2. “Rules”

–Rules are meant to control, not inspire. Rules are

necessary in games, but between people they immediately

create an adversarial relationship. This link describes a

much more effective approach to promote responsible

behavior.

3.”Procedures to Consider”

–Shares examples of PROCEDURES, the key to successful

classroom management.

3.”Attention Management”

–Shares a simple visual and a procedure for quickly

obtaining students’ attention.

The new CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT link is at

http://marvinmarshall.com/classroom_management.html

2. PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY

The following are from notes taken by Joy Pelton after

attending one of my presentations, used with her permission:

ELICIT a consequence; don’t impose it.

Don’t tell a student what is going to happen if. . . .

Rather, REDIRECT by saying, “George, what do you suggest we

do about this?” “What else?” “What else?” until George comes

up with a consequence that you agree with. Then respond

with, “I can live with that.” PEOPLE DONÕT ARGUE WITH THEIR

OWN DECISIONS.

Two characteristics for changing behavior: (1) There needs

to be an acknowledgment that a change is necessary and (2)

The person needs to own the decision.

“Every time you use your authority to dominate, you deprive

that child of the right to learn how to be responsible, to

make a responsible choice.”

Joy L. Pelton

Folsom/Cordova Center Coordinator

Department of Teacher Education

California State University, Sacramento

3. INCREASING EFFECTIVENESS

A reader wrote, “I try to stay positive and think of things

I can do when faced with a challenge. I’m finding that

negativity is contagious and a select few can really bring

me down, making it hard for me to stay positive. Do you have

any suggestions for how to deal with the naysayers at

school?”

I responded that to get you in the right mood, start by

visiting

http://disciplineforsmartpeople.com/index.php/smiling-increases-effectiveness/

As you indicated, NEGATIVITY IS CONTAGIOUS. Combat it by

being proactive. This is done by the simple truth that THE

PERSON WHO ASKS THE QUESTION CONTROLS THE CONVERSATION.

Ask questions such as, “How is this conversation enhancing

the enjoyment of our day?” “Is there anything else we could

talk about so that we will leave feeling good rather than

negative?”

Persevere! It can take but one person to redirect the

negative talk. Also, suggest to the principal–since the

principal is interested in a positive school climate–to

put the situation up to the faculty. The staff may suggest

some procedure or other idea to redirect such negative

conversations.

By taking the initiative, you will be helping yourself,

other members on the staff, and–perhaps most

importantly–the effect this will have on teacher-student

relationships.

4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS

Most relationships would
benefit enormously if both people

asked–and then reflectively answered–the following question:

“What must it be like to be in a relationship with me?”

5. PROMOTING LEARNING

The following is my January post at

http://teachers.net/gazette/JAN08/

UNDERSTANDING BOYS

Whereas good relationships are important to girls,

success is more important to boys.

—–

Hopefully, society is well past the “politically correct”

(an oxymoron in a democratic society) approach that the ONLY

difference between a male and a female is in socialization–

that aside from reproductive organs, there is no difference

between the sexes neurologically, emotionally, or

psychologically.

A BOY MEASURES EVERYTHING HE DOES OR SAYS BY A SINGLE

YARDSTICK: “DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK WEAK?” If it does, he

isn’t going to do it. That’s part of the reason that

videogames have such a powerful hold on boys. The action is

constant; boys can calibrate just how hard the challenges

will be; and when they lose, THE DEFEAT IS PRIVATE.

With this in mind, it’s important to remember that

competition improves PERFORMANCE. Some students will

practice for hours spurred on by the competitive spirit in

music competitions, athletics, or speech contests. These

students are motivated to compete. Competition can be fun,

as witnessed by the hours that young people invest in such

activities. However, COMPETITION IS DEVASTATING FOR THE BOY

WHO NEVER FINDS HIMSELF IN THE WINNER’S CIRCLE. Rather than

compete, the STUDENT DROPS OUT BY GIVING UP.

As an elementary school principal and the elementary

committee chair for one of the regions of the Association of

California School Administrators (ACSA), I recommended that

the ENTRY AGE TO KINDERGARTEN BE RAISED, NOT LOWERED. I had

seen first hand how so many young boys were not cognitively

developed enough to handle some of the “sitting still”

academic challenges facing them.

More recently, at my presentations I receive an increasing

number of kindergarten teachers who each year tell me that

their current crop of young boys is the worst they have ever

had. For a number of reasons, these young boys are simply

not socialized enough nor are they cognitively developed

enough before thrusting academics at them.

More and more young boys will become “at-risk” as early as

kindergarten because the feeling associated with weakness in

the academic skills negatively impinges on their self-talk

and self-esteem. I repeat a recurrent theme in my

presentations: “People do good and put effort in their

learning when they feel good,not when they feel bad.”

BOYS WOULD RATHER DROP OUT BY LOSING INTEREST AND

MISBEHAVING THAN SHOW THAT THEY CAN’T PERFORM. Weakness does

not motivate them to want to participate. It takes a

masterful teacher and parent to encourage them to persevere.

The three principles to practice of (1) communicating in

positive language, (2) reducing coercion by prompting

choice-response thinking, and (3) sharing how to act

reflectively—rather than reflexively—can be of

significant assistance when dealing with young boys. See the

teaching model at

http://marvinmarshall.com/in-housedetails.html.

6. Discipline without Stress

First, For a quick review–especially for the increasing

number of new subscribers–the three parts of the Raise

Responsibility System (RRS) can be summarized by the three

CAPITALIZED words after each step below:

Step 1: TEACHING – (Students learn four levels of social

development) Being proactive by TEACHING AT THE OUTSET

is in contrast to the usual approach of just responding to

inappropriate behavior.

Step 2: ASKING – (Checking for Understanding) When a

disruption occurs, have the student identify the

unacceptable level chosen.

Note: A major reason for the success of the system is that

by identifying something OUTSIDE of oneself, the deed is

separated from the doer. The person is not prompted to

self-defend, which is one’s natural and usual approach.

Step 3: ELICITING – (Guided Choices) ELICITING a consequence

or a procedure to help the student REDIRECT FUTURE IMPULSES.

This is in contrast to the more-often-used approach of

IMPOSING a consequence.

—–

The following is from a post at the mailring/forum:

(The mailring/forum and other support are available at

http://marvinmarshall.com/support.html)

POST 1:

Just checking with GUIDED CHOICES. I’m having difficulty

understanding why a student acting up each day gets a fresh

start daily. Do I really have to stick to this? I’ve had

several students that I’ve given the essay to three days in

a row. They say that they will commit to changing their

behavior but apparently they are not. I’m getting frustrated

with the same kids and the same behavior daily. Couldn’t I

just hold onto the essays and after three give them a

self-referral?

MM RESPONSE:

Yes! IF YOU USE THE ESSAYS. How I used them is explained on

page 284 from the book described at

http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com

However, I moved away from using the forms to a more

effective apporach of ELICITING A PROCEDURE OR CONSEQUENCE

to help the student help her/himself.

———-

POST 2:

Also, how can this be handled in the classroom when a

student is continually disruptive. I always ask my students

to leave and then that takes time away from teaching when I

go talk to them. If I do it in the classroom, even though

I’m pointing to the behavior, it seems to me that I’m

diminishing their dignity. How can I talk to my students or

help them to change without leaving the classroom?

FROM KERRY’S RESPONSE (WELL WORTH YOUR READING)

In my primary classroom, the kids aren’t yet able to read or

write well enough to do these written activities and in my

high school job at the alternate school, it would be seen as

too negative. The type of student we have there would simply

get up and leave the school, or more likely, just swear at

us if we asked them to do such a thing.

I think that a student can be given a fresh start each day

provided that the same type of action doesn’t keep being

repeated. In other words, when a particular type of

behaviour has been dealt with once, the student is

expected to maintain a higher level of behaviour with regard

to that type of situation from then on.

Remember, the power of the system comes from ELICITING

solutions from the student him/herself. If a student has

completed a self-referral on one day, I would ELICIT

–right at that moment–what should happen if their

behaviour DOESN’T improve. I would have THEM come up with a

suggestion for how they should be dealt with if they choose

to misbehave in the same way again. This takes the

responsibility and stress OFF the teacher and places it ON

the student where it belongs. If a student doesn’t come up

with any suggestions, you can provide a number of them

yourself or you can describe ideas based on what you have

seen other students chose in the past.

(MM Note: To IMMEDIATELY STOP inappropriate behavior during

class when you do not want to interrupt the lesson, just

whisper in the disrupting student’s ear, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT

WHAT WILL HAPPEN. WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT AFTER CLASS.” This

will immediately redirect the student’s attention and stop

the misbehavior.)

In some cases, the student simply needs a procedure. For

example, a few years ago my teaching partner and I had a

student who was undergoing tests to determine whether or not

he had some form of autism. In the beginning of the year, he

was often the last student entering the school after recess

or lunch–late by five or ten minutes. Apparently, he had

had this habit much of previous year in Kindergarten, too.

Although at first we were annoyed and sometimes even angered

by this behaviour, we calmed down and decided that rather

than getting mad, IT WOULD BE BETTER TO HELP HIM BY GIVING

HIM A PROCEDURE TO FOLLOW. IN THE END, IT WAS ACTUALLY VERY

EASY.

First, we had a discussion about the fact that when he came

in late, we might seem angry, but really we were worried,

not angry. We were worried for his safety. We asked him if

he understood why it was important to come in on time and he

honestly didn’t seem to know. We had to explain that we were

worried that if he was out in the back of the school, as he

typically was when the bell rang, there would be no adults

to supervise him. We explained that someone could drive by,

see him, and actually take him away. We would hate for that

to happen! (He didn’t like the sound of that idea either!)

We didn’t do this to threaten him through fear but simply to

help him understand the seriousness of the situation. He

really didn’t understand why there should be a concern about

coming in late. Then we gave him a PROCEDURE: When the bell

rang, he was to RUN to the school door. If he didn’t hear

the bell but noticed all the other kids running, that also

would be a sign that he should run, too. That did it. After

that when the bell sounded, he ran and was rarely ever late.

Here’s another example: Last year we set up a meeting with

the counsellor and a concerned parent. Part way through the

meeting when three teachers, a counsellor, and the mother

were all feeling discouraged because we couldn’t think of

anything to do with this challenging child, he appeared at

the door and so we invited him to join us. Again, after

going around in circles for some time with this very bright

boy who would never ever own up to any blame in any

situation, the counsellor suggested that we focus on just

ONE troubling behavior. The teachers suggested that it be

his “noises” that often destroyed lessons for everyone. With

five adults sadly looking at him, he agreed that yes, he

could work on this issue in the next couple of weeks. The

counsellor wisely planted the suggestion that if he could

work to get this ONE behaviour under control, many of his

other issues would likely just fall into place quite easily.

The counsellor suggested that the student begin a “Noise

Journal” which he would keep on his desk. IN EFFECT, THE

COUNSELLOR SUGGESTED A PROCEDURE. When the student made a

noise, the teacher would give him a signal to fill in the

ending to a pre-printed sentence starter that would allow

him to think about what had prompted the noise.

He wrote things like:

–I made a noise because I was thinking about being out on

the playground.

–I made a noise because I wanted to make Chris laugh.

–I made a noise because I copied Nolan.

As well, there were other sentence starters that said, “I

THOUGHT about making a noise but didn’t because….”

BY REFLECTING AND THINKING MORE CAREFULLY ABOUT WHAT HE HAD

CHOSEN, HE WAS ABLE TO STOP HIMSELF. The counsellor made it

very clear that the journal was not a punishment but rather

a way for the student to help himself reduce his impulses

and habit of making noises. It only took a week or so and

this child’s behavior improved. He realized that his

behavior was a CHOICE over which he had control.

—–

More suggestions from Kerry regarding challenges are

available at

http://www.disciplineanswers.com.

7. Testimonials/Research

I heard of your system from a teacher who attended one of

your Australian seminars. After looking at your web site, I

then purchased your book and read it several times. During

the past year I have been implementing your system across

our whole school.

Joe Grogan

Lismore, New South Wales Australia

Share