Volume 2 Number 8
IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. New Chatboard
6. Your Questions Answered
7. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING
Use the Language You Want Learned –
“Responsibilities” rather
than “Rules”
8. The Shortcomings of Punishments and Rewards – Tips for Parents
9. What Dr. Elaine Haglund, Cal State
University, Long Beach, Says
about the Book:
“DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS”
1. WELCOME
In the last few weeks, several people have
contacted me requesting permission to duplicate the “RAISE RESPONSIBILITY
SYSTEM.” They–the professor, principal, and staff development
specialists–wanted to reproduce materials from the book and desired permission
to do so.
The system uses the approaches of Stephen Covey
(Be Proactive), William Glasser (Noncoercion), and W. Edwards Deming
(Empowerment, Collaboration, and Quality).
I am a strong believer in the approach that
“the more you give the more you get.” Since I desire others to enjoy classroom
teaching as much as I have (with almost a complete lack of discipline problems),
I not only gave permission but also assisted them in their endeavors.
Their requests led to my creating a new link,
http://marvinmarshall.com/raise_responsibility.htm.
I have posted a number of pages on the link
entitled, “IMPLEMENTING THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM.”
The postings are pages from my 65-page RESOURCE
GUIDE that is used at my school and district staff development seminars.
All the postings are in personal document
format (pdf) because this format allows downloading and printing exactly as the
pages were fomatted for the RESOURCE GUIDE–regardless of the brand of computer,
operating system, monitor setting, or other variables. Acrobat Reader is
necessary to read the files; however, all new computers come with Acrobat Reader
already installed. If a computer does not have this application, then following
the simple directions on the site will get it–free of charge.
The postings offer the approach and benefits of
the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM, the differences between classroom management
and discipline, the hierarchy of social development, a sample bulletin board, a
strategy demonstrating the power and satisfaction of teaching responsible
behavior, an overview of the system, and how the approach differs from others.
Using this material will allow any teacher or parent to implement the system–at
no cost.
I hope that by making THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY
SYSTEM–Chapter 3 of the book, “Discipline without Stress, Punishments, or
Rewards–easily available, more teachers and parents will focus on promoting
responsibility, rather than the usual approach of promoting obedience.
As I hope you have learned from my writings and
presentations, teaching toward obedience to today’s youngsters often brings
resistance, rebellion, and sometimes defiance. But when you promote
responsibility, you get obedience as a natural by-product.
In addition, for those SCHOOLS that want to
teach the system to their staffs, I have included an additional link, “SCHOOLS.”
Although the investment may seem high, it is really quite insignificant
considering that discipline problems are substantially reduced, teachers become
more effective, and students become more responsible–both socially and
individually.
You will enjoy viewing the information,
especially if you are an educator who has been using “classroom management” and
“discipline” interchangeably.
2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY
Many people are searching for acceptance
outside of themselves when they haven’t yet learned to accept themselves. Self-
acceptance means being O.K. with WHO you are and WHERE you are. It means being
kind to yourself even when you make mistakes, fail, or do really stupid things.
Self-acceptance is a close relative to
self-esteem. It is difficult to have one without the other, and, if you have
one, you will tend to have the other.
There may be many reasons why people have low
self-acceptance but most fall into one or more the following areas: a perceived
desire to be perfect, a focus on imperfections rather than on blessings, the
desire for approval and to be liked, a strong desire to please others, an
extraordinary concern for other people’s opinions and views about you, feeling
inadequate due to some perceived lack of ability or skill, and/or emotional
immaturity.
To accept yourself fully is to recognize that
not everyone you meet will like you and that you will never be
perfect–excellent perhaps but not perfect. You are not finished making mistakes
or doing foolish things. Falling is natural; not getting up is the problem. A
happy and contented life is not about what happens and why, but rather about how
you deal with them.
The key to gaining self-acceptance is to
recognize that you are engaged in a process of continual learning.
Former U.S. Senate Minority Leader Everett
Dirksen once said, “I am a man of principle, and my first principle is a
willingness to change my mind.” If your self-talk has not been one of fully
accepting yourself, you have the option of changing the conversation.
It is your most important responsibility.
3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS
Perhaps one of the biggest challenge most of us
face is knowing how to live a balanced life–within a 24-hour day.
Between our employment, learning to improve our
skills, inundation by the media, the attraction of the Internet including
e-mail, so many good books to read, wanting to get enough sleep, maintaining
social relationships, and the list goes on and on–how do we do it? It is no
wonder that seminars on time management, books on simplification, and even
garage and closet organizers for all the “stuff” accumulated are selling so
well.
One way to become more effective is to evaluate
how we use–or don’t use–some of our time. You may have additional items to add
to the following list:
1. Prioritizing
2. Time for oneself
3. Waiting in line
4. Shopping
5. Using a calendar
6. Being aware of procedures–or lack of them
Following are some tips that may assist in
increasing your
effectiveness:
1. Begin each day with a list. Prioritize it.
The beauty of priorities is that you get to select what’s important and when you
want to work on them.
2. Set your alarm clock thirty minutes earlier
than usual. Do the math and see how much extra time it gives you. How you use
the extra time is your decision.
3. Wait productively. No one likes to wait; yet
everyone must at times. Rather than being surprised by it, plan for it. Always
have a magazine, book, or a note pad with you. When waiting on the phone, have
some key thoughts written down to review.
4. Evaluate your possessions–every season or
at least once a year. Some of the items in your file cabinet, desk drawers, or
computer hard drive may not have been looked at for years. The often heard,
“less is more” is applicable here. The less you possess, the freer you are.
5. Make your calendar essential in your
planning. Protect your personal time by reserving it on your calendar. Identify
what’s important to you and put it on your calendar. Your family belongs on your
calendar. Your vacations, exercise, reading, and hobbies belong there, too. Your
calendar will keep you headed in the right direction and minimize distractions
and temptations.
6. Most of what you do involves a procedure.
You have one when you first get up in the morning and, if you will notice, you
use procedures and routines throughout your day. The adage applies
here: “First we make our habits, and then our
habits make us.” You may be engaging in some of your daily routines by force of
habit. Just for one day, be conscious of every thing you do. You may find that
one of your procedures is counterproductive. For example, if you are a writer,
checking your e-mail first thing in the morning may deprive you of a higher
priority. If the morning is your most productive time, change your routine.
Block out one hour for writing first; then as a break, check your e-mail.
You will find yourself feeling much more in
control and more productive if you are aware of your habits.It may help to
remember that being busy is not synomymous with being successful.
4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
When the proud owner arrived at the vet to pick
up his AKC (American Kennel Club) registered champion show dog, he noticed that
the bill seemed awfully high for a bath and flea spray. So he mentioned that
$100 seemed pretty pricey. That’s when he discovered his dog hadn’t been
sprayed; it was spayed. The lawsuit that followed basically rendered the vet
financially neutered.
The lesson in the story is to be sure that all
those engaged in the discussion have the same meaning for what is being said. I
was recently in a conversation where I totally misunderstood what my friend had
said. Fortunately, I had resorted to my usual
procedure: I asked for clarification.
Chris Gilissen–a dear friend I worked with
when we were both assistant principals with the Huntington Beach Union High
School District in Southern California–used to have a sign on his desk that
read, I KNOW YOU BELIEVE YOU UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU THINK I SAID BUT I AM NOT SURE
YOU REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU HEARD IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.
Don’t put a good relationship in jeopardy by
assuming you know what the other person means. Ask for clarification.
5. NEW CHATBOARD
Many teachers have asked that I start a
discussion group in order to provide additional advice and support in the area
of classroom discipline. But setting up and maintaining a discussion group or a
chatroom of my own would take more time than I can afford, so I have worked out
an arrangement with Teachers.Net.
Although during the live chats I will answer
questions about classroom management, the main focus will be on discipline–a
closely related but different topic. I strongly recommend you read the
teachers.net gazette article linked here for clarification between classroom
management and discipline:
http://teachers.net/gazette/AUG02/new.html.
The chatboard where I will be “on board” will
take place the last Wednesday of each month from 5:00 – 6:00 p.m. Pacific time
(8pmE). However, questions can be posted 24/7 on the Classroom Discipline
CHATBOARD at
http://teachers.net/mentors/discipline.
You can also join the discipline MAILRING while
on the site. A mailring is an e-mail discussion group, often referred to as a
listserv. Once one subscribes to a mailring, all messages sent to the ring are
copied automatically and distributed to all members of the group.
6. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
QUESTION:
The other day when I tried to have my 6-year
old leave a public swimming pool, she resisted to the point of almost making a
scene. Not wanting to create a disturbance, as embarrassed as I was I resorted
to having the lifeguard assist in my endeavors. I immediately thought of you and
wondered how you would have handled the situation. Any suggestions?
RESPONSE:
Children mature when they begin to realize that
other people’s interests are also involved in their decisions. Having a
youngster become aware of this is one of the most important charges a parent
has.
If I were in that situation, I would ask my
daughter, “Do you want to go swimming in the future?” This question would prompt
her to reflect and make a choice for her long-term best interests.
Another approach could be–since it was past
her time to leave the pool–saying to her, “The clock is running.” Explain that
the phrase means she is now using up your time and will be accountable for it
later.
Don’t tell her what that means. The next day
let her know that she used 10 minutes of your time at the pool the day before
and now it’s her turn to wait on you. Give her two choices of
assignments–preferably distasteful ones. The key to remember is that SHE does
the choosing. Or have her suggest an activity that will assist her to not repeat
the behavior. Either way, having her choose is the prime difference between
elicitation and imposition. Something elicited is owned by the person. Something
imposed promotes victimhood thinking because it generates a feeling of lack of
control. This feeling often results in blaming the person who imposed the
punishment.
Finally, here is very simple technique to keep
in mind–one we have experienced but may not have consciously thought about: THE
PERSON WHO ASKS THE QUESTION CONTROLS THE CONVERSATION. When she asks you a
question, and you enter into a discussion based on her question, she is
controlling the conversation. Pull out of this by answering with your own
question.
More information about how to discipline
without stress is available at
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
7. TEACHERS.NET: PROMOTING LEARNING:
Use the Language You Want Learned –
“Responsibilities” rather than “Rules”
My PROMOTING LEARNING article on <teachers.net/gazette>
for this month is about using language that conveys your objectives.
Specifically, if you want to teach toward obedience, then you will use the word
RULES. However, if you want to promote responsible behavior, then you will be
more successful in achieving your desired result if you use the term RESPONSIBILITIES.
8. THE SHORTCOMINGS OF
PUNISHMENTS AND REWARDS and Tips for Parents
The shortcomings of using coercive and
manipulative approaches–such as punishments and rewards to manipulate behavior
and telling people what to do–are described at:
http://www.AboutDiscipline.com.
The first link is a one-pager of “Tips for Parents.”
9. WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE BOOK:
“DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS
How Teachers and Parents Promote Responsibility & Learning”
“Marv Marshall makes a compelling argument that
stress, punishment, and rewards are counterproductive in raising or teaching
children. At best they merely create temporary compliance. More likely, they
corrode relationships, deter risk-taking, overlook the underlying causes of
behavior, and subvert the learning process. Marshall points the way to
successful strategies such as reframing perceptions and initiating specific
intervention techniques. Parents, teachers, and principals should read this
book-and rush to do so.”
Elaine Haglund, Ph.D., Professor – Education,
Administration, & Counseling – California State University, Long Beach, CA
DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS OR
REWARDS is carried by: National Association of Elementary School Principals
National Association of Secondary School Principals National School Boards
Association Phi Delta Kappa International Performance LearningSystems The Brain
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