When enforcing rules, imposing punishments, or doling out rewards, be aware that these approaches aim at obedience, rather than promoting responsibility—and that obedience does not create desire.
The most effective approach to have young people do what adults want them to do is to tap into their emotions. Following rules requires thinking—not feelings. Yet feelings and emotions drives the majority of our decisions.
I use the word “Responsibilities” rather than “Rules” because I am able to have young people WANT to become responsible. I do this by tapping into the good feelings a person gets from being responsible. Once young people are exposed to the Levels of Development, they want to raise themselves to the highest level—simply by the … >>> READ MORE >>> →
For many people, having a strategy reduces stress. In fact, people of all ages can operate more responsibly and reduce their stress level if they have a strategy.
Ask young people the following question: “If you wanted to be fully responsible right now, what would you be doing?” (This is a great question to ask yourself, too!)
In most cases, the answer will be readily apparent. This question prompts you to think in self-empowering ways. As a result, you’ll be motivated to act on the response.
Another strategy is to use sentence-completion exercises.
For example, just for a week begin the day by thinking of endings to each of the following sentences:
If I operate 5% more responsibly at home … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Have you ever said in frustration, “What should I do with this kid?” If you have, you’re not alone. It’s probably one of the most common questions teachers and parents ask themselves.
Realize, though, that you don’t “do” things to people. A better approach—one that promotes responsibility and reduces discipline problems—is to teach young people to do things for themselves.
Using traditional approaches of discipline, such as imposed punishments and rewards, may make the parent or teacher feel better, but it does little to foster independence and self-discipline in youth. In fact, the external approaches of relying on rules, imposing consequences, rewarding youth for appropriate behavior, and punishing children to make them obey are all counterproductive. They may force compliance … >>> READ MORE >>> →