Posts Tagged Problems With Telling

The Secret to Stress-Free Relationships

A number of experts in sales emphasize the importance of building relationships for achieving success. Such an approach also makes interactions with others less stressful.

Here is a classic from Ed Oakley’s “Enlightened Leadership.”

There is a famous story about a life insurance company. The salespeople went through the training program and were very successful for about 18 months. After 18 months, their sales dropped off.

The company made quite an intensive investigation as to the reason. They found that the people followed the training approach of the company, which was to ask questions. Using this approach, the salespeople not only got to know financial problems and concerns, but also something about the people themselves. The questioning approach led to … >>>


Why Telling and Lecturing Don’t Work

Many parents and teachers rely on telling and/or lecturing as a discipline strategy. It certainly seems to be a better choice than imposing a punishment or offering a reward. But using telling/lecturing as discipline is equally ineffective. Following are six reasons why telling/lecturing is a poor discipline strategy, and what to do instead.

  1. After childhood, telling is often interpreted as an attempt to control.
  2. Whenever we tell people what to do, we convey a subtle, negative message that what they have been doing is wrong or not good enough.
  3. Even if you have an excellent relationship with the person, telling often creates defensiveness—even when the person feels that what you are telling is in the person’s own best interest.
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Why “Telling” is Ineffective Discipline

We would all like our children to gain from our experiences and our wisdom. Therefore, it seems only natural for us to tell our children what to do and what not to do. After all, young people will learn from what we tell them, right? Wrong! In truth, telling and lecturing are poor discipline strategies.

Here are the top 5 problems with relying on telling to instill discipline:

  1. Telling is perceived as an attempt to control, and people do not want to be controlled.
  2. Telling creates defensiveness and a tendency to resist.
  3. Telling implies that something has to be changed. People don’t mind change as much as they mind being changed.
  4. Telling aims at obedience, not inspiration.
  5. Telling—like punishing and
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Motivating is a Better Discipline Strategy than Telling

One of the traditional and ineffective discipline techniques is to lecture or tell a youngster what to do. Even though the intent of telling a child is worthwhile, the actual telling is perceived as an attempt to control. Telling creates defensiveness and a tendency to resist, and it does not engender desire. In other words, it does nothing to reduce discipline problems because it fails to motivate the child to want to change.

The only way that you can “motivate” another person—whether spouse or partner, child, friend, or employee—is to provide an environment by which that person wants to change. This is especially the case when it comes to a lasting change in behavior.

Reflect on the story that originated … >>>


Telling and Lecturing are Ineffective Discipline Techniques

Telling and lecturing as discipline are generally ineffective with young people who are trying to assert their independence. Besides, when young people become adolescents, they become “experts” in everything. Just try telling a teenager something and see how far you get. This phenomenon is captured in a quotation attributed to Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years.

You can visualize the scene. You are talking to your teenage son and attempting to inform him of the disadvantages of what he wants to do. You make your … >>>