How you communicate with someone has a direct impact on how stressful the relationship is. But it’s not just about the words you use or the tone of your voice. Most people know that using kind words and not yelling is important for good communication. However, what many people fail to take into account is how the other person is perceiving your message, even if you deliver it with a smile.
For example, how many times do you politely tell others what to do? Maybe you tell your child to clean their room, tell your spouse to take out the trash, or tell your employees how to write a proposal. These are all normal, everyday things. But let’s flip it … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Telling people what to do prompts stress. No one likes to be TOLD what to do. Think of a time when someone told you what to do or told you that you had to do something. Notice how it conjured up a negative emotion and may even promoted stress.
Although most people like telling others what to do, very few people enjoy being told what to do.
The reason that no one likes to be told is that telling carries an inference. The unstated message is that “What you are doing is not good enough and you need to change.”
No one likes to hear this message.
I grew up with a friend who, when told what to do by … >>> READ MORE >>> →
No one likes to be told what to do. Think of a time when someone told you what to do or told you that you had to do something. Notice how it conjures up a negative emotion. I grew up with a friend who, when told what to do by a parent, would find an excuse not to do it. Even if it was something he wanted to do, such as going outside to play, he would find an excuse to stay indoors just because he was told.
Depending upon the other person’s mental frame at the time, when we tell a person what to do—regardless of how admirable our intentions —the message is often perceived either as an attempt … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Your choice of influencing determines your success.
Young people are influenced in one of FIVE ways that can be classified into two categories: external and internal.
EXTERNAL Approach 1 – Manipulation (Bribes and Rewards)
Rewards can serve as effective incentives—if the person is interested in the reward. School grades are a case in point. The reward of a good grade is important to some students but not of interest to others. If a good grade—or ANY REWARD—is not important to the person, that reward has little value as an incentive.
Rewards can also serve as wonderful acknowledgements—ways of congratulating merit and demonstrating appreciation. But notice that these are awarded AFTER the behavior—not as bribes beforehand.
Regardless … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Take a moment to think about a time when you were successful in getting something you really wanted from someone. Did you tell the person you wanted it, or did you ask? When we want something that is really important to us, we know better than to tell; it sounds too demanding. This is precisely why telling children to do something rarely works.
Limiting your telling requires constant attention. The tendency to tell is most easily changed by replacing it with some other approach. Because young people are sensitive about being told what to do, and because parental help is perfectly appropriate, focus on sharing information. Think of your advice as something to inform, to have the … >>> READ MORE >>> →