Undoing the Past

Do you know anyone who can undo the past?

When people do something wrong and you tell them that they made a mistake (and then proceed to tell what should have been done), the person will resent it—even if you are right.

The reasons are simple. You come across as a grouch, and the other person suffers a loss of  dignity. People can’t do anything about a mistake that has already been made. They no longer have control over a situation in the past—and no one enjoys not being in control.

Telling people what should have been done has no constructive value; the past can’t be undone. But people can  LEARN from the past. When others make mistakes, share suggestions with them about what they could do next time—how they might handle a similar situation more effectively in the future.

Of course, you can ask questions that would lead them to finding ways to resolving the current situation .

By being a coach instead of a critic and a teacher instead of a scolder,  you will increase your effectiveness while improving your relationships. This is especially important for parents  and teachers when working with young people, as outlined in Part II of the teaching model.