2 and 3 Year Olds

QUESTION:
Dear Dr Marshall,
I am mother of two young children (age 3 and 2). I just finished
reading the second chapter of your book about motivating. How can
I apply the theories for young children? I think without giving
rewards and punishments it is hard to make them learn
appropriate/inappropriate behavior. Is it too abstract for a
preschooler to understand internal motivation?
RESPONSE:
Yes, your children are too young to understand the concept of
internal motivation. However, you can teach them appropriate
behavior without using rewards or punishments.
Here are a few techniques:
1. When the child does something that is not appropriate, lightly
touch a wrist and move your head sideways (in a "no" "no"
motion). Persevere. You may have to do this a number of times
before comprehension sets in.
2. When the child starts to cry because he does not receive what
he "needs" (read: "wants" or "seeks"), hug the child. If crying
continues, hug harder.
3. Divert the child's attention with another activity.
4. When your three-year-old is able to understand, continually
use two phrases:
A. Show me what is the right thing to do.
B. What would a responsible person do?
Go to http://www.MarvinMarshall.com and download "Tips for
parents."
Enjoy their childhood.

QUESTION:

I am mother of two young children (age 3 and 2). I just finished reading the second chapter of your book about motivating. How can I apply the theories for young children? I think without giving rewards and punishments it is hard to make them learn appropriate/inappropriate behavior. Is it too abstract for a preschooler to understand internal motivation?

RESPONSE:

Yes, your children are too young to understand the concept of internal motivation. However, you can teach them appropriate behavior without using rewards or punishments.

Here are a few techniques:

1. When the child does something that is not appropriate, lightly touch a wrist and move your head sideways (in a "no" "no"motion). Persevere. You may have to do this a number of times before comprehension sets in.

2. When the child starts to cry because he does not receive what he "needs" (read: "wants" or "seeks"), hug the child. If crying continues, hug harder.

3. Divert the child's attention with another activity.

4. When your three-year-old is able to understand, continually use the phrase, " Show me what is the right thing to do."

Download "Tips for parents."

Enjoy their childhood.

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On November 30, 2009   /   Parenting  
1 Comment
  1. Rainbow McBryan
    8:02 pm on March 11, 2010

    My son is not yet three, but he has habits of whining and bossing me… he won’t let me move until he has accomplished a task, like going to the washroom or putting on his boots. If I move to do something, even to pick up a cup a tea, then he has a melt down. I don’t understand the behaviour. I want to enjoy his childhood but it is getting in the way of getting things done and I end up punishing him (i.e. leaving him at home)

    Rainbow