Discipline

Established Routines Reduce Discipline Problems

On May 17, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

How you structure an activity or arrange the environment can significantly reduce discipline problems with children.

In the elementary grades, this pertains to both indoor and outdoor activities. For example, establishing a “getting drinks” routine after vigorous playground activities is an example of an outdoor procedure. Children whose last names are in the first half of the alphabet will use the fountain by the restrooms. Those in the last half will walk to another designated drinking fountain. The person behind the drinker will slowly count to ten and then tap the drinker softly on the shoulder. Before initiating the procedure, have students experience it. Line up everyone for a dry run.

Another routine to curb discipline issues is to have … >>>

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Discipline: A Better Way than School Suspensions

On May 16, 2013   /   Discipline  

On May 15, 2013, the Los Angeles Unified School District decided to ban school suspensions as a measure of discipline for defiant students. The school board directed school officials to use alternative discipline approaches instead.

Offenses such as repeatedly tapping feet on the floor, refusing to remove a hat, refusing to wear the school uniform, and refusing to turn off a cell phone are classified as discipline acts of “willful defiance” and would no longer be grounds for suspending students. The new discipline policy would make Los Angeles the first district in California to ban suspensions for willful defiance. Activities such as these account for 48% of 710,000 discipline suspensions issued … >>>

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Before You Discipline, Check Your Mental Position

On May 8, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

When disciplining a child, only a noncoercive approach is effective. And the first step to being noncoercive is mental positioning.

When practicing any skill, putting yourself in position always precedes the action. This is as true when disciplining as it is when holding a golf club before the swing, holding a baseball bat before the pitch arrives, shooting a basketball, holding a tennis racquet, or playing any musical instrument. Therefore, the first step is placing yourself in a mental stance to employ noncoercion.

The mental stance should be one of curiosity, helpfulness, and kindness. Why? Because you do not shout to be noncoercive. Your tone of voice communicates at least as much as your words. Even a horse understands this, … >>>

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Paint Verbal Pictures for Better Discipline

On May 7, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

The old saying, “A picture is worth 1,000 words,” is so true, especially when it comes to discipline.

Let me give you an example of ineffective discipline.

I was in an airport, and there was a gate agent standing at the gate. A small child was standing near the entrance. The gate agent looked down at the child and said, “Don’t go down the ramp.”

Guess where the kid went? You are right! Just a few moments after the gate agent finished his sentence, the kid went down the ramp.

Why do kids always seem to do what you tell them not to do? It’s because the brain thinks in pictures, … >>>

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PBIS and DWS

On April 30, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning, Responsibility  

When I presented seminars last week in Phoenix, Arizona; Denver, Colorado; Billings, Montana; Salt Lake City, Utah; and Portland, Oregon, many teachers told me that they were mandated to implement Positive Intervention Behavior and Supports (PBIS).

The question then is, “How can you use Discipline without Stress while at the same time implementing PBIS?”

The answer is as follows. First, there is nothing in PBIS that mandates the teacher must give the rewards. Have the students perform the task of handing out rewards. When the task is delegated to students, they soon realize how unfair it is to reward some students who do what the teacher desires but not reward … >>>

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Using Discipline in a Positive Way

On April 25, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

I met a gentleman, Eric, on an airplane. As we exchanged pleasantries, and he found out that I was a professional speaker in the field of education, he related the following experience to me.

He described himself as having been a rather loquacious youngster, and his teacher had moved his seat away from his friend. Eric wanted to send a message to his friend. So after writing it, he carefully folded the page into a very successful flying object. When he was sure the teacher was not looking, he jettisoned the plane toward his friend, and just then Mrs. Christenson looked up to see the missile grace the air.

She called Eric to her desk and said that since his … >>>

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Discipline and Noise Levels

On April 18, 2013   /   Discipline  

There are times when the issue of noise levels in schools should be addressed.

A teacher told me that she has been working on teaching procedures for appropriate noise levels. She believed her young students did not really know how to control their voices very well and needed specific instructions. 

She continued to share with me:

“I have been telling them that when they are sitting at their table group they should have ‘Table Group voices.’ That means only their table group needs to and should hear their voice. If someone at the next table hears them or if I hear them, then it’s too loud. I added ‘Partner voice.’

“They … >>>

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Why a Positive Approach to Discipline Makes Sense

On March 29, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

Young children are cute and we feel comfortable empowering them; we find it easy and it feels natural to communicate with them in positive ways. But we often treat them differently when the same children become adolescents. Should we?

  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to ride a bike, we teach.
  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to mow the lawn, we teach.
  • If a youngster doesn’t know how to demonstrate good manners, we teach.
  • If an adolescent doesn’t know how to behave, we teach? Or do we punish?

Few young people are maliciously non-compliant. Too often, instead of using a positive approach to promote responsible behavior, we resort to negative methods. Rather than resorting to punishing, we can create … >>>

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Punishment is Revenge

On March 26, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

When you stop and reflect about punishment, you will conclude that much of punishment is revenge.

The child being punished interprets it as “I’m getting back at you for doing what you did—or did not do.”

When imposed on young people, punishment is on the opposite side of the same coin as rewards used as bribes. This type of rewards asks, “What will I get if I do it?” and punishments state, “This is what will happen to you if you don’t.”

Punishment for adults who commit a crime is justified to keep criminals away from society, or for retribution, or for justice.

If you think that a youth is an adult, then you will use punishment because you … >>>

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Questions to Ask about Using Rewards

On March 19, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

Bob Sullivan of Woodbury Connecticut poses some interesting questions for teachers who plan on giving rewards as bribes to influence behavior.

1. When you use reward, who does all the work? (The teacher or the student?)

2. What rewards will appeal to my students?

3. Can I assume every one of my students will be satisfied with my choice of rewards?

4. Where would I buy them and how much will they cost ?

5. Since rewards are more effective if they are given immediately, how will I handle presenting the rewards?

6. If the target (incentive) is too difficult for some students and they just give up, how will I handle this?

7. If some don’t achieve the objectives … >>>

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Telling and Lecturing are Ineffective Discipline Techniques

On March 18, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Parenting  

Telling and lecturing as discipline are generally ineffective with young people who are trying to assert their independence. Besides, when young people become adolescents, they become “experts” in everything. Just try telling a teenager something and see how far you get. This phenomenon is captured in a quotation attributed to Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years.

You can visualize the scene. You are talking to your teenage son and attempting to inform him of the disadvantages of what he wants to do. You make your … >>>

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Reasons to Rethink Your Discipline Approach

On March 13, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

There are many reasons for not imposing punishment as discipline to promote responsibility with young people. Among them are: (1) a young person is not an adult with just a younger body, (2) hurting a child in order to instruct or harming a young person in order to teach is contrary to all we know about the brain and learning, (3) an imposed punishment satisfies the punisher more than it changes the behavior of the person being punished, (4) an imposed punishment promotes adversarial relationships and resistance, and perhaps most important, (5) imposing a punishment is not nearly as effective as eliciting a consequence or a procedure to change behavior.

In almost all cases, rewards and punishments need to be … >>>

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Why Rewards Don’t Change Behavior

On March 4, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Rewarding young people for expected standards of behavior is counterproductive for promoting responsibility. Yet so many parents and teachers use rewards. Let’s explore some of the reasons.

Rewards offer a seductively quick and easy way to create obedience. Asking a child to do something in order to gain a reward is an effective way to manipulate behavior in the short term. For example, promising, “If you sit here quietly for Mommy, in just a little while I’ll buy you some ice cream,” often produces the desired result. When the child suddenly chooses to behave, rewards can seem very effective. Candy, games, and movies can all be used to manipulate young people toward good behavior. But consider how long the effect … >>>

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Sometimes Coaching is the Best Discipline

On February 22, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

At some point we all have to deal with a difficult child. But before you engage in discipline, realize that often kids would rather be bad than stupid. In fact, a reason they misbehave is they don’t want to be failures. The Raise Responsibility System is the foundation for handling irresponsible behavior. However, sometimes you have to do a little bit more to help a youngster become more responsible.

In these instances, rather than look to the coercive discipline methods of punishments, rewards, or lectures, try to engage in coaching.

Here’s how it works: Think of young people as lacking skills, rather than as being non-compliant. Few children are maliciously non-compliant. We teach young people how to swing a baseball … >>>

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Discipline and Intrinsic Motivation

On February 21, 2013   /   Discipline  

Intrinsic motivation and having someone else discipline you is an oxymoron, as in “cruel kindness.” One invalidates the other.

By definition, “INTRINSIC MOTIVATION” infers something you WANT or LIKE to do. Would you WANT to have someone else punish you? 

I promote using “INTERNAL”—rather than “INTRINSIC”—motivation (although technically all motivation is internal) because taking responsibility and being considerate of others is not something that is “natural.” These characteristics need to be taught. Saying, “Thank you” and “Please” are not inborn communications civilities. If you are a parent you know this by the number of times it is necessary to remind young people of this social nicety.

Motivation prompts our behavior. We are motivated to get out of bed in the … >>>

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Key Problems with Using Imposed Punishments as Discipline

On February 20, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting, Responsibility  

A common myth is that using imposed punishments as discipline is necessary to change young people’s behavior. In reality, disciplining by imposing a punishment comes out of the adult’s desire to control. When the desire is to raise responsible citizens, teaching and guidance prevail.

Despite succeeding in stopping irresponsible behavior in some cases, imposed punishments are ineffective with far too many young people as a disciplinary method. Imposed punishments also fail to help children make lasting changes in their behavior.

The problems with using imposed punishments as discipline are that they:

  • Are temporary
  • Are adult-dependent rather than self-dependent
  • Are inconsistently applied
  • Are based on avoidance
  • Lose their effectiveness over time
  • Do nothing to help a young person learn to modify
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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When Adults Differ on How to Discipline Youth

On February 18, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

Even though you may be following the principles in Parenting Without Stress and Discipline Without Stress, you may find yourself in a situation where another adult who interacts with your child prefers to use coercive methods of discipline, such as punishments, rewards, and lecturing. These well-meaning adults may even try to convince you that what you’re doing is incorrect—that children need strict discipline or that rewards are the only way to get youngsters to do anything.

If you ever find yourself in such a situation, let the other adult know that you are NOT against punishments or all rewards. But you are against stress, IMPOSED punishments, and rewarding young people for what they should be doing.

Explain to them … >>>

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Start Promoting Discipline and Responsibility When Children are Young

On February 15, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

Fostering responsibility and instilling a sense of discipline in children should start at a very young age. For example, a young child sits in the highchair having milk. When finished, the infant throws the bottle away. The youngster hears the “thump” sound and likes it. When the mother picks up the bottle, the infant is getting a message that, to a certain extent, the mother can be controlled.

The mother decides that she is not going to let her child behave this way. The mother does not discipline by threatening or punishing; she simply makes sure her hand is ready when the baby finishes the milk. She then removes the bottle and cleans his face while talking to him. The … >>>

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