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Discipline

Discipline and “Hard Students”

On February 12, 2015 / Discipline

Teachers often ask me, “How do you discipline ‘hard students’?” They are usually referring to the tough, street-wise kids who seem to have a chip on their shoulder. While people often think these youngsters are only found in the inner city, the fact is that such students are in small towns too.

When working with “hard kids,” it’s important to resist using any coercion with them. Imposed discipline, threats, and/or rewards are completely useless with these students (even more so than typical kids). Instead, speak to them in positive and empowering ways. Let them know that you cannot and will not even try to make them learn—that learning or not learning is their choice. Most important, continually prompt self-reflective questions, … >>>

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Discipline and the Raise Responsibility System

On January 22, 2015 / Discipline, Responsibility

In the Raise Responsibility System, we speak of Levels of Behavior, with Levels C and D being the two highest. The main difference between the two lies in the difference in motivation. While an action at Level C and D can look identical, it is the difference in the MOTIVATION that identifies one person’s action as being at Level C and another person’s as being at Level D. When your students are acting at either level, discipline issues are greatly diminished.

Here is an example to clarify the difference in the two levels:

Students at Level C do home assignments, but only after being reminded by a parent. At Level D, students complete home assignments simply because they know that … >>>

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Discipline and Personal Development

On January 15, 2015 / Discipline, Effectiveness

What does a discipline approach have to do with personal development?

When a person subscribes to my newsletter, the automated system prompts an inquiry as to how the person found out about it. Responses range from parents seeking ways to reduce their stress and promote responsible behavior to teachers struggling with classroom discipline issues. Every once in a while someone explains that while they are not a parent or a teacher, they find the discipline information I provide enlightening and want to use it for personal development.

That’s a very perceptive answer, because when you use the discipline approaches I outline (positivity, choice, and reflection), you are engaging in a paradigm shift. To quote Stephen Covey, author of The 7 … >>>

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Discipline, Simplicity, and Awareness

On January 13, 2015 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Teachers often tell me that even though the Raise Responsibility System discipline approach is referred to as simple-to-implement, they find that they continually have to be aware of being positive, offering choices, and asking reflective-type questions. When I hear this I always reply: “SIMPLE does not mean EASY.”

The system is simple in that ONLY THREE principles—not a dozen or so—need to be practiced. In addition, the Raise Responsibility System (RRS) has only three parts: TEACHING the concepts, ASKING reflective questions, and ELICITING a procedure to redirect impulses.

For example, learning how to drive an automobile is SIMPLE, but it only becomes EASY after you have driven for awhile. Likewise, deciding ahead of time not to eat dessert at a … >>>

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The Impact of Counterwill on Classroom Discipline

On December 31, 2014 / Discipline

Counterwill expression Counterwill is the natural human instinct to resist being controlled or coerced, and counterwill is often the cause of many classroom discipline problems.

People don’t like being told what to do, so we react negatively when someone tells us to do something. Yet, we tend to be surprised when encountering counterwill in younger people. Somehow we forget that all people have feelings; even infants cry or smile depending upon the situation, and if they feel controlled or coerced they react negatively.

The instinctive resistance stemming from counterwill takes many forms as demonstrated by the “no” of a toddler, disobedience or defiance of a youngster, and even laziness or lack of motivation of a teenager. Counterwill sometimes manifests itself as doing … >>>

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What to Do When a Parent Misbehaves

On December 23, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Many teachers have discipline challenges not only with students, but also with the parents. In such cases, the parent of the misbehaving child may become rude or downright hostile when you, the teacher, explain that their “little angel” has discipline issues at school. What can you do when parents misbehave and are in need of some discipline themselves?

First, stay calm. Remember that you are being paid to teach the child, not the parents. It is a sad fact of life today that too many parents are confrontational rather than supportive. If you find yourself in a situation where a parent is getting enraged or offended because you are discussing discipline issues regarding their child, ask the parent, “What do … >>>

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Control versus Discipline

On December 16, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

If you want to become a more effective teacher, then give up the need to control students. In other words, hand over to the students the responsibility of LEARNING TO CONTROL THEMSELVES. This is important for every child but especially important for those children who have repeated discipline challenges.

The key is to use the Raise Responsibility hierarchy ALL the time so that it isn’t associated with corrective discipline. In fact, the more you use the hierarchy, the more that students will become open to using the understandings of the hierarchy to help themselves make better choices. The more you discuss the hierarchy in a variety of situations, the more it seems to become a natural tool that children begin … >>>

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Discipline versus Obedience

On December 11, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

Sometimes teachers contact me explaining that they have one student (or more) who will not respond to the Raise Responsibility System (which is detailed in the Discipline Without Stress book) and who often have repeated discipline challenges They wonder if there is something different they should do to encourage that student to understand the system or if they need to change how they implement the strategies in the Discipline Without Stress methodology.

I believe the answer to this dilemma is very much tied to expectations about what it means to have a child “respond” to the Raise Responsibility System. I notice that sometimes when people say they are having difficulty in getting certain kids “to respond,” what they mean is … >>>

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Punishment versus Discipline

On December 4, 2014 / Discipline

The number one question I receive from people is this: “Can you give me an easy way to explain to someone the difference between punishment and discipline?”

Here is the easiest distinction—one that is simple for most people to understand and remember:

PUNISHMENT is what is done TO a person.
DISCIPLINE is what is done FOR a person.

For more information, please read the top Myths of Discipline. … >>>

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Honesty and Discipline

On December 2, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

My late mother-in-law used always to say, “Be careful of asking for someone’s opinion. The person may give it to you.”

Realize that if someone asks you for your opinion and if the person perceives that your comments are derogatory, there is a problem. It doesn’t matter if your opinion is based on fact and logic; all that matters is the other person’s perception of what you said. This is true whether interacting with an adult or a child.

Cognition and emotion go hand in hand, with the latter preceding the former. In other words, what we hear may prompt a negative feeling. Once a negative feeling has erupted, it doesn’t do any good to try to convince the person … >>>

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Move Away from Imposed Punishments

On November 18, 2014 / Discipline

A parent contacted me about her 6-year old son. She was extremely frustrated because the youth does not pay attention at school and is distracting in class. She revealed that at home everything is fine.

The boy’s teacher is also frustrated, so she gave him a behavior book, in which the teacher records the child’s behavior for the day. The boy brings that book home each day, and if any negative behavior is noted, he is punished accordingly. The imposed discipline ranges from early bedtime to no toys/cartoons to no computer or video game time. Each day the boy promises to behave, but he never does. The parent asked me what to do because she disliked doling out imposed punishments … >>>

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Moving from Punishments to Discipline

On November 6, 2014 / Discipline

A teacher recently contacted me and explained that the school she worked in was very entrenched in the idea that discipline = punishment. The students buy into this idea in that they seem to depend on punitive reactions from their teachers and parents. She wanted to know how to help the children move from being punishment-minded to being self-disciplined.

Here is how I replied:

Punishment, which is very often confused with discipline, operates on the theory that young people must be hurt to learn—that they must be harmed to instruct.

Can you recall the last time you felt bad and did something good? People do not think positively with negative feelings.

Punishments kill the very thing we are attempting to … >>>

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Points on Level C Behavior

On October 23, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

A teacher new to the Discipline Without Stress methodology asked me a clarification question about explaining Level C behavior to children. As she said, “I have a hard time trying to explain to kids that this level is acceptable … BUT WATCH OUT … it might not be! This is what I’m not sure how to handle. I know it’s best if the hierarchy is simple and easy to understand because then using it is straight forward, but since Level C has a potential negative aspect as well as the positive one it seems important to help kids understand.”

I responded by using the analogy of a traffic signal.

Red = NO (Don’t go.) (Levels A and B)
Yellow = … >>>

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Classroom Discipline on NPR

On October 22, 2014 / Discipline

On October 17, 2014 National Public Radio (NPR) aired a podcast about Classroom Discipline on their program, This American Life. The program shared stories about parents and schools struggling with what to do about misbehaving kids from three (3) years-of-age to high school students.

This article discusses three of the incidents.

In the first story, four teachers were asked to confront a student who would not take his hat off in class—contrary to the classroom discipline rules of the school.

Each of the four (4) teachers interviewed had no specific procedure to handle the situation. All agreed that they would react in a way that they hoped would be successful. None were.

In a second confrontational discipline case, a student

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

How to Deal with Students Who Lie

On October 16, 2014 / Discipline

Lying is a common source of discipline problems in schools. Often, students lie to protect/defend themselves. Regardless of the reason for the lying, teachers want to know how to stop it from occurring.

A foundational characteristic of the Raise Responsibility System is that the deed is separated from the doer, the act from the actor, a good person from an inappropriate or wrong action. Therefore, reference is NOT made to the behavior.

Instead, reference is made to the LEVEL of behavior.

Referring to a level is “outside” of oneself, thereby negating a feeling or “need” to self-defend.

This concept of referring to levels needs to be revisited when first starting to use the system. So is the second part of … >>>

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Classroom Discipline Success Story

On October 14, 2014 / Discipline

Since so many teachers have problems with classroom discipline, the following is shared to help teachers with discipline problems. (Italics have been added.)

I’m a 9th grade high school teacher in Long Beach, CA. You and I spoke on the phone about a year ago. Most of us grew up with the old ‘rules and consequences’ model, so I naturally followed it when I became a teacher 21 years ago.

Now I don’t know whether our culture changed, or the kids changed, or I changed. But apparently no one ever told my students that bad behavior should be punished.

Its like many of them are totally foreign to the concept. Why? I don’t know. But I was very tired … >>>

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