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Defiant Student at Spring Valley High School

On November 4, 2015   /   Discipline  

In the U.S. news: Coercion used on defiant student at Spring Valley High School in Columbia, South Carolina results in police officer being fired.

The video showing the defiant student being flipped over while sitting at her desk has gone viral. One side says that force was too extreme. The other side says that the defiant student should have followed the police officer’s request and that the force used was justified.

I was asked what I would have done in this situation.  I would have used a third option. I would have used authority without coercion. First, the power struggle should have been avoided. When adults argue with a young person, it is like arguing with a pig. Both … >>>

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Encourage a Love of Learning

On November 3, 2015   /   Learning  

Little children come to school in kindergarten filled with curiosity. They are endlessly asking “Why?” questions in an attempt to find meaning and make connections. Somewhere around grade four they stop asking, “Why?” and begin to ask, “Will we have this on the test?”

These two questions indicate the change in learning more than any other observation that could be made. The “Why?” question is an internally motivated curiosity question; the “Will we have it on the test?” is a conformity question to the system.

It is essential for a civil society to follow ordinances and laws and conform to societal expectations. It is a necessary part of the culture. However, in order for a DEMOCRATIC society to flourish, the … >>>

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Dealing with Negativity

On October 29, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

What do you do when you have a negative experience?

Imagine the brain as a large ship. If a leak occurs in the floating vessel, it immediately compartmentalizes the area of the leak to prevent the leak from sinking the entire ship. This is necessary because it may take some time before the ship returns to port to repair the damages.

This concept of compartmentalization can help when you encounter a negative situation, stimulation, or urge. When you have a negative experience—be it with a significant other, a child, a parent, a member of the family, or a fellow worker—COMPARTMENTALIZE IT. Set it aside. Isolate it. Deal with it later when you are in port and in a better place … >>>

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Emotions and Learning

On October 27, 2015   /   Learning  

Logic prompts people to think. Emotions prompt people to act.

This fact applies to learning, also.

If you want people to remember what you teach, touch an emotional chord by painting a picture or by telling a story. There is a greater chance of the learning staying in long-term memory using these approaches than when the lesson just focuses on information itself.

If you think back to your own time when you were a student, you’ll realize that this is true. Which teachers were memorable to you? In what classes were you most engaged? Chances are your mind goes back to those teachers who did more than just focus on facts—they made the subjects come alive by helping their students … >>>

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Smiles Prompt Good Feelings

On October 22, 2015   /   Relationships  

Studies suggest that smiling makes people appear more attractive, kinder, and by some accounts, easier to remember.

All smiles share something in common: an emotional foundation. Depending upon what the emotion is, the brain sends different instructions to the face. The areas in instigating a polite or voluntary smile (the kind exchanged with a bank teller, for example) are not the same ones involved in a more emotional smile (such as the kind that emerges on seeing a loved one or hearing a funny joke).

However, regardless of what prompts a smile, the results are the same. Both you and the recipient are prompted to have good feelings.… >>>

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Stress and Learned Helplessness

On October 20, 2015   /   Responsibility  

We know that when stress overcomes us, choices seem limited, thereby decreasing effectiveness. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction: learned helplessness.

This phenomenon has been studied in laboratory rodents whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans. Here is how one experiment works. If you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the … >>>

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Choice Redirects Behavior

On October 15, 2015   /   Responsibility  

Here is an example of how choice can be used to redirect an impulse toward more responsible behavior—even with a very young child. It is part of a communication from a friend.

“I marvel at what my grandson understands and how he manages to communicate. The other night his parents went to dinner, and he started to cry real tears and scream. I picked him up and gave him a hug and proceeded to explain to him that mommy and daddy went to dinner and they would soon come back. Then I asked him if he wanted to keep on crying until they returned or play with his trains. The tears shut off like a switch! He loves Thomas the … >>>

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What are Your Facial Expressions Saying?

On October 13, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

You will notice that when you smile at someone, the “imitation response” that neuroscientists have discovered prompts a natural tendency for the other person to smile back. This phenomenon indicates that the face is an enormously rich source of information about emotion. In fact, your face is not just a signal of what is going on in your mind; in a certain sense, it IS what is going on in your mind.

The expression on your face is sufficient to create a marked change in the autonomic nervous system. You can prove this to yourself by thinking of a sad thought. With that thought still in your mind, look up at the ceiling and smile. Then try to keep that … >>>

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Coercion and Feelings

On October 8, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

Do you like when someone uses coercion or other approaches that prompt negative feelings in order to get you to do something? Of course not. So why, then, do so many adults use such approaches with young people?

The essence of the famed psychologist Jean Piaget’s hierarchy of cognitive development is that children’s brains develop at different ages but they—even infants—have similar feelings as adults. Young people experience negative feelings of pain, anger, and fear, all of which prompt resentment toward the person who prompted such feelings.

Sharing information and asking reflective questions, as outlined in the Discipline Without Stress methodology, do not carry the baggage of prompting negative emotions and resentments as coercion does.… >>>

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Experiences Promote Responsibility

On October 6, 2015   /   Responsibility  

A generation or two ago, parents promoted the characteristics of initiative and perseverance to their children. In other words, parents thought twice before doing things for young people that the youngsters could do for themselves. Of course, without the presence of 24/7 technology permeating every aspect of life back then, times, in general, were slower and perhaps even less stressful. Today, most people (young and old alike) want things done now—quickly and correctly. This may explain, in part, why adults tend to do more things for youth.

We can promote initiative and perseverance, which are part and parcel of responsibility, by asking ourselves, “If I do this for the youngster when I know that the youngster is capable, will I … >>>

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Collaboration Improves Learning

On October 1, 2015   /   Learning  

In my books, on my blog, and in my speaking, I advocate collaboration rather than public competition to increase student learning. A prime reason is that the number of winners in competition is severely restricted—usually to one. This means that competition in learning produces more losers than winners.

A major advancement in learning would be to desist from the nearly imperceptible yet continual demoralization of K-12 students by fostering competition between students as a way to increase learning. Competition is a marvelous motivator to increase performance but is devastating to young people who feel that they never stand in the winner’s circle. This very significant yet unintended consequence of academic competition contributes to the reduction of intrinsic motivation for learning … >>>

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What To Do When Your School Mandates PBIS

On September 29, 2015   /   Learning  

I periodically receive emails from teachers informing me that their school is implementing PBIS (Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports). This program gives rewards for expected behaviors—which the teachers do not believe is a good practice. Teachers have been using Discipline Without Stress and are wary of PBIS that focuses on external motivation—especially since the teachers have been so successful with their current system that uses internal motivation to have students want to behave responsibly and put forth effort in their learning. Sophisticated teachers understand that external maniulators change motivation. Once a reward is given to do what is expected, one never knows if the motivation for a future action will be to do the right thing or to get a … >>>

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Mastering Change

On September 24, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

Implementing the three practices of positivity, choice, and reflection may feel awkward at first. This is natural. Unlike youth, who find little risk in attempting new activities, adults have established patterns and often feel anxious and uncomfortable when attempting something different from what they have already been doing. Realizing this at the outset will make it easier to attempt something new.

Doing something new or different requires making new habits, new neural connections. Practice makes permanent, and you will soon find that practicing the simple suggestions will become easier.

Think of a rocket or a space mission. Most of the energy, most of the thrust, has to do with breaking away—to surge past the gravitational pull.

Once you get past … >>>

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Happiness is a Choice

On September 22, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Most people say that they want to be happy, but they have no idea how to achieve it. Stress from work, family, the news media, and many other sources make happiness seem impossible for many. But happiness is indeed a worthwhile objective, especially since science tells us that happy people are more effective than unhappy people.

So how can you achieve happiness on a daily basis? There is no magic secret to happiness. In reality, happiness is the result of a myriad of little decisions made every day. To be happy, simply REFLECT BEFORE you make those little decisions. Two questions to ask yourself are, “What’s my goal in doing this?” and “How will I feel if I achieve it?”… >>>

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Modeling Choice

On September 17, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Many years ago, a reader from Australia sent me the following note:

If we want kids to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible, we have to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible ourselves. As has been said, “Modeling is not just a way to teach; it is the only way to teach.”

Choice is essential to the teaching and learning of values. You cannot mandate generosity, caring, responsibility, honesty, etc. These values can only be promoted in an environment of choice.

You can only show honesty, caring, responsibility, etc. when you can choose not to behave in these ways. Many kids these days have huge amounts of freedom, but they do not have the responsible behavior to handle their freedom.… >>>

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Thoughts Affect Discipline

On September 15, 2015   /   Discipline  

An understanding of mind-body connection is essential for reducing stress and influencing others. Thoughts have direct and powerful connections to all sorts of physiological functions. Think hard enough about jumping out of an airplane, and your heart will start to race and your palms to sweat.

Perhaps the most dramatic and best-known case was described by Norman Cousins in his “Anatomy of an Illness As Perceived by the Patient.” While I was recently re-organizing my library, I came across his description of his experience in the May 28, 1977 issue of The Saturday Review (pp. 4-6, 48-51).

Cousins came down with a serious collagen illness, a disease of the body’s connective tissues. One result of the disease is the reduction … >>>

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Make Students Feel Special

On September 10, 2015   /   Relationships  

Principals who desire to improve their schools, and teachers who want to improve their students’ academic achievements, need to keep in mind what psychologist Abraham Maslow conveyed years ago: People must FEEL cared for and cared about BEFORE they will take risks necessary to achieve.

Students too often receive messages in the form of words, gestures, actions, and bulletin board postings of achievements that convey to them that they must achieve well in order to be thought of as worthy.

Too many educators fail to realize that, with so many students, the foundation of success rests in human relations. This is especially the case with young students and students in poverty, where relationships are their most prized possessions.

At a … >>>

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