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How to Foster Initiative in Students

On September 3, 2015   /   Classroom Management, Guided Choices, Motivating Students  

Recently a teacher asked me, “Can we really expect ALL children (even kindergartners) to understand and abide by the Discipline Without Stress’ 4 levels of behavior without ANY rewards?”

Here is my reply:

YES, but you start by differentiating between ACCEPTABLE levels and UNACCEPTABLE levels. See the posters and cards at https://withoutstress.com/Shop.

Also (and this is critical), be sure you have taught, practiced, and practiced again EVERYTHING you want your students to do. A MAJOR ERROR EVEN EXPERIENCED TEACHERS MAKE is ASSUMING that students, of any age, know what to do without first learning, practicing, and ritualizing the procedure or skill.

Once STUDENTS (especially young ones) HAVE LEARNED what YOU want them to do, they will want to do … >>>

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Guided Choices in the Classroom

On September 1, 2015   /   Classroom Management, Discipline  

In the Discipline Without Stress methodology, Guided Choices are used when a student has already acknowledged level B behavior and disrupts the lesson again.

The most effective approach is to ELICIT a consequence or procedure to help the student help himself to avoid future unacceptable behavior. This should be done in private by stating, “What you have done is not on an acceptable level.”

Then ask, “What do you suggest we do about it?” Be ready to ask, “What else?” “What else?” “What else?” until what the student says is acceptable and will assist the student in not repeating the behavior.

The advantages of ELICITING the consequence are multiple:
1. An adversarial relationship is avoided.
2. The student has ownership … >>>

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Discipline and Emotions

On August 27, 2015   /   Discipline  

Why do you think young people misbehave? When I ask people this question, most say that it’s because the youth don’t know any better, have had poor role models in life, or just because—no reason at all.

The fact is that young people misbehave because it makes them feel good; otherwise, they would not misbehave. People (including youth) don’t voluntarily do things that feel bad.

This is why it’s important to remember that in discipline, persuasion, and influence, emotion takes precedence over cognition. Connect to the youth’s emotion to make discipline effective.

Punishment prompts bad feelings and, therefore, is counterproductive to changing irresponsible behavior in any lasting way.

A more effective approach is to help the young person find a … >>>

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How to Accept Constructive Criticism

On August 25, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

If you believe that life is growth and that people should strive to grow both intellectually and emotionally, then you need to accept comments by others (oftentimes called criticism) as being in your own best interest.

Accepting such comments with a positive spirit depends on two criteria:

(1) You trust the person and understand that what the person is sharing with you is in your own best interests.
(2) The comments are specific to the situation. Certain terms are avoided, such as ALWAYS, as in, “You always….,” or NEVER, as in, “You never….”

Think of a physician giving you a diagnosis. You don’t react negatively. You accept it because you have faith that what the physician is sharing with you … >>>

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Satisfaction vs. Happiness

On August 20, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Many people think that satisfaction brings happiness in life. In reality, it’s the positive people, not the satisfied people, who are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort.

Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me.

For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?” Asking something like, “Am I satisfied with my effort?” would be of little value.

We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate … >>>

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Emotion and Learning

On August 18, 2015   /   Learning  

Whenever I share the Discipline Without Stress methodology with teachers and parents, they often ask me, “What is it that makes your approach so successful?”

My response is that I think of how the brain and body are so interrelated that one affects the other. Therefore, I think of how the brain and body react whenever I communicate.

For example, if I compliment you, a good feeling is prompted. In contrast, if I tell you to do something, or criticize you, or blame you for something, then a negative feeling ensues. The mind first processes information (external stimuli); then emotion kicks in. But we oftentimes do not act on cognition; it’s emotion that prompts us to act. Think of any … >>>

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Your Words Influence Behavior

On August 13, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

We often want to assist people by telling them what to avoid. Upon analysis, however, you will discover that so often when you tell a person what to avoid, the opposite results. The reason is that the brain does not envision “don’t” or any other negative-type word. The brain envisions pictures, illusions, visions, and images.

Here are some examples:

  • Don’t think of the color blue. What color did your brain envision?
  • Think of any house pet except a little white kitten with a bright red bow around its neck.
  • The park sign, “Don’t walk on the grass” is less effective than “Please use walkways.”
  • The teacher who tells the student not to look at his neighbor’s paper is having the
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Learning Should be Fun

On August 11, 2015   /   Learning  

When turtles are born, they know everything they need to know to live for 50 or so years. Since learning is one of the joys of living, I don’t think turtles have very much fun.

Learning brings growth, and both the process and result of learning can be enjoyable. Watch anyone at any age who is involved in any mental activity for any length of time and ask the person the reason for the involvement. The response will inevitably include the fun factor.

A characteristic of successful leaders, teachers, and parents is that they make learning enjoyable; they make it fun.

On the other hand, think of someone who has given up learning because, like the turtle, the person already … >>>

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Listening Fosters Positive Relationships

On August 6, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

If you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you.

Ask a husband about a good wife, and he is likely to say that he knows his wife cares for him because she listens to what he has to say. Ask a wife about a good husband, and she’ll respond that he listens to her.

When the parent says, “It’s about time you started listening to me,” the youngster may be thinking, “It’s about time you started listening to me.”

Even if we are saying something that is not really worth listening to, we still want someone to listen to us.

Ask … >>>

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Teacher Training Programs Fail

On August 5, 2015   /   Discipline, Learning  

 A study by the prestigious TNTP http://tntp.org/ reported that teacher training doesn’t make the grade.

The study announced on August 5, 2015 reported that investments in ongoing training for teachers usually did not improve their performance and schools should rethink how they bolster teachers’ skills.

The Brooklyn-based organization, formerly known as the New Teacher Project, which trains educators and promotes stringent evaluations, analyzed several years of data from three school districts. The study found the district spent an average of $18,000 per teacher yearly on professional development, including coaching in the classroom, formal feedback, vendor contracts for training and staff time.

The analysis found performance improved substantially for only three out of 10 teachers in those districts during two – … >>>

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How to Teach Troubled Youth

On August 4, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

At some point, every teacher will have troubled youth in their class. These students may appear reluctant, apathetic, and/or disengaged. When working with these students, patience is critical, and building relationships is the ONLY way you will have success. These students trust no one, and it will take time for them to truly understand that you are concerned about them and their own best interests.

Here are some suggestions for interacting and reaching these students:

  • Since success is built on success and not failure, compliment them on their successes. This will give them hope—the most essential ingredient for success and something they have had very little of.
  • Be wary of using any of the seven “deadlies”: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging,
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Parenting Young Children – A very successful technique

On July 31, 2015   /   Learning, Parenting  

When I ask parents of young children if they ever say “No” to their children, I always receive an affirmative answer. “Of course.”

After all, isn’t it natural to teach young children that they can’t have evrything they want?

Yes, young people need to learn that they cannot get every thing they want. The question is, however, how do you communicate this while at the same time not not having the child develop negative feelings toward the parent or the situation.

The answer lies in adding a simple word to “NO!.”

Simply say, “Not yet.” 

This simple phrase doesn’t prompt the negative feeling that “No” does while, at the same time, giving future hope.

This and many other simple tips … >>>

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Promote a Positive Mindset in Youth

On July 30, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets.

For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone could easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 20 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.

Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They believe and feel they can accomplish the task. Off the … >>>

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Instructional Planning for Teachers

On July 29, 2015   /   Learning  

Many teachers have misinterpreted Madeline Hunter’s instructional planning suggestions.

Over the years Madeline Hunter’s lesson planning model has come under some criticism mainly because of faulty interpretation in how the approach was supposed to be used. Themodel has been incorrectly perceived as an inflexible recipe or cookbook approach to lesson planning. That is, if all the ingredients are not included and used in sequence, then the model is not being followed.

This is not how the model was supposed to work. As Madeline Hunter perceived it, the model was completely flexible and open-ended. The steps should be considered when planning a lesson. Having considered them, then select, abandon, or judiciously include any or all of the steps.

Here are her … >>>

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Learning Education by Inviteing Students to Learn

On July 28, 2015   /   Learning  

Do students care about learning? The answer: It depends.

The adage is true: Students don’t care what you know until they know that you care. Most teachers do not realize that their success depends on good relationships and motivation.

Teachers extend invitations to learning when they create curiosity, desire, and challenge. Students think of themselves as classroom contributors when they share their ideas. When students sense that their ideas are significant, meaningful, or relevant they feel valued. They also feel affirmed when they believe that they are accepted and psychologically safe in the classroom.

Do students care about learning? The answer is  a resounding affirmative when the above factors are in play.… >>>

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Control versus Influence

On July 28, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Are you focused on controlling youth or influencing them? If you experience much stress when interacting with children, chances are that you are trying to control them. Because controllees have low motivation to carry out decisions IMPOSED on them, as scores of research have documented, enforcement is both difficult and time-consuming. This is very evident in schools where teachers spend so much classroom time “playing police”—enforcing their rules or the administration’s rules.

Aiming at controlling people is really focusing on controlling the body and hoping the brain follows. In contrast, influencing people, whereby you aim at the brain and have the body follow. is less stressful and far more effective.

Controlling people aims at obedience. Except where the relationship is … >>>

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Discipline in Schools by Using Influence

On July 27, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

“Listen up!” is an effective phrase to getting attention. Obtaining attention is the first step in influencing others for any reason—including changing behavior and improving self-discipline.

We tend to think of smooth talkers as having the most influence on others. Although the gift of gab is a nice characteristic, being a good listener provides even more of an advantage. 

In a study from the Journal of Research in Personality former work colleagues rated participants on measures of influence, verbal expression and listening behavior. Results indicate that good listening skills had a stronger effect on the ratings of influence than talking. The authors suggested that listening helps people obtain information and build trust, both of which can increase influence. 

Being a … >>>

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Bullying in Schools

On July 24, 2015   /   Discipline  

A Pennsylvania teenager was convicted of disorderly conduct after using his iPad to film his alleged tormentors harassing him at school.

According to a transcript of the court hearing obtained by the The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, the teen said he made the seven-minute recording “because I always felt like it wasn’t me being heard.” He said classmates bullied him daily over a period of several months.

The bullied teen’s mother called the situation a “horrible nightmare,” questioning why officials at the high school went after her son for making the recording—but did not punish the bullies. At one point, the school authorities even considered pursuing a felony wiretapping charge against the student who was continually bullied.

It is … >>>

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