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Detention is Ineffective Discipline

On June 2, 2015 / Discipline

Schools use detention as a form of discipline in an attempt to promote responsible behavior. The premise is that punishment redirects irresponsibility.

When giving public seminars, I often ask how many of the attendees were in schools that had detention. Most attendees raise their hands. I then ask how many find that very often the same students are serving detention.

Inevitably, the same hands go up. I then comment, “Doesn’t that say something about the ineffectiveness of detention?”

Perhaps the best paragraph I have read on the issue is from LouAnne Johnson in her book, “The Queen of Education.”

Using detention as a catchall cure for student misbehaviors is like using one medicine for every physical ailment. We would not

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Protect Yourself from Negativity

On May 28, 2015 / Effectiveness

When you hear someone communicating negativity, imagine being surrounded by a Pyrex glass shield. It rebuffs all negativity–allowing only positivity to flow through. You will find that you can continue to converse and stay involved with those around you, but you won’t be affected by their negativity.

As silly as this sounds, it works. To slightly rephrase how Mother Teresa put it:

People may be illogical and self-centered. Treat them with positivity anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do positive things anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty may make you vulnerable. Be honest anyway.
People favor top dogs. Fight for some underdogs anyway.
What you

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Teens and Parents

On May 21, 2015 / Discipline, Parenting

A teenager recently contacted me with the following comments:

“I am a 17 year old with ‘determined they are good at parenting’ parents. I tried to encourage my parents to read your book and they refused. So I brought up the fact that they ‘try to teach me with imposed consequences rather than contingencies.’ I was then ridiculed and belittled by my dad. (How’s that for “good parenting”?) He said that if I were mature enough I would not have said that statement. He said that consequences and contingencies are the same thing. I am now going to prove to him the difference between the two.”

I replied to the teen with the following:

The father is of the old … >>>

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The Discipline of Practice

On May 19, 2015 / Effectiveness

How are you multiplying your effect on others? Take the practice of positivity, for example.

Are you making it a practice to self-talk in positive ways—always attempting to make any lemon into lemonade?

With friends talking about others, are you focusing on good traits of others rather than always focusing on negative ones?

When conversing with parents, are you helping them redirect negative, coercive thoughts by prompting them to reflect?

With your children, do you communicate in ways so that they perceive conversations in a noncoercive, encouraging manner?

With fellow employees, are you acknowledging their contributions?

You can extend your effectiveness by practicing your skills in as many situations as you can find.… >>>

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Promote Responsibility with Small Steps

On May 14, 2015 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Although fear is usually just negative self-talk about a perceived situation, there are times when it is most difficult to think that it is not real. So rather than attempting to eradicate your fear, warm up to it.

We can learn from our children. Children don’t say, “I can’t because I’m afraid.” For example, a youngster will get on a high diving board and dive off even though she has never done it before. She’ll run to the parent with a great smile, and the parent will ask, “Weren’t you afraid?” She’ll respond, “Yes, I was afraid; I was really scared.”

But a grown-up won’t do the same thing. If you say to a grown-up, “Are you going to dive … >>>

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Would Your Students Leave You If They Could?

On May 12, 2015 / Effectiveness

Many years ago, the former Secretary of Education, William Bennett, was asked by a 7th grader, “How can you tell a good country from a bad one?”

Dr. Bennett replied, “I apply the ‘gate’ test. When the gates of a country are open, watch which way the people run. Do they run into the country or out of the country?”

The question was an excellent one and prompted an excellent response. I think the same question could be applied to parenting, teaching, and any organization.

If the people you deal with were exposed to other possibilities or opportunities, and if all other things were equal, would they stay with you—or would they leave you?

Consider taking an inventory. Are the … >>>

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Action Leads to Responsibility

On May 7, 2015 / Responsibility

If you reflect on your self-talk, you will conclude that your thoughts often involve past experiences or future visions. However, what you are choosing to do in the present is often done nonconsciously.

Taking action is a current activity—not a past or future one. In addition, action requires more than thought. For example, if there are three frogs on a lily pond and one decides to jump, you may conclude—in error—that there would be two frogs left. However, deciding to jump is not the same as jumping. In this situation, three frogs would still be left.

More than thinking about the past or the future, it is taking action in the present that leads to responsible behavior.… >>>

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A Simple Way to Increase Learning

On May 5, 2015 / Learning

To truly teach someone something, you need to do more than just recite information. Any parent or teacher instinctively knows this. Yet, many still struggle with getting their children and students to put forth the effort to actually learn something new.

Here’s the best way to increase learning. When you present something, follow this teaching formula:

WHAT it is you will explain.
WHY it is important to know about it.
HOW the listener can use it.
Give an EXAMPLE of how it works.

The more you use this simple approach, the more that your children and students will be motivated to put forth the effort to learn what you are teaching.… >>>

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Start the Day with Positivity

On April 30, 2015 / Effectiveness

Why start the morning as a “downer” when you can start your day in a positive, pleasant way!

Here is a little procedure you can use. Get up 20 minutes earlier than you need to do. Before turning on the TV, reading your email, or browsing the news sites—all of which can be full of discouraging news—read something uplifting.

The positive energy engendered will carry you through the day so that any situation you encounter can be handled more easily.

Simply by being uplifted in the morning, you will find it easier to enjoy your entire day.… >>>

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Teaching Essentials

On April 28, 2015 / Discipline

Curriculum, Instruction, Classroom Management, and Discipline
Join successful teachers who understand the differences to pinpoint a problem.

Curriculum refers to what is taught.
Instruction has two parts: teaching and learning
(1) what the teacher does and (2) what the students do.
Classroom Management deals with how things are done. It’s about practicing procedures until they become routines. Classroom management is enhanced when procedures are explained, modeled for students, practiced, and periodically (when necessary) reinforced by practicing again. Classroom management is the teacher’s responsibility.
Discipline is the student’s responsibility. It deals with how they behave. It’s about impulse management and self-control.

If you have an unsuccessful lesson, ask yourself:
Was it the curriculum? I just didn’t make … >>>

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How Teachers Can Ease Homework Struggles

On April 28, 2015 / Learning

Homework is a hot topic for teachers. In fact, I get asked about this topic several times each week. The most common question is, “How do you encourage kids to do homework?” Many teachers reveal that they feel as if they are constantly chasing after students to do it. Additionally, they think it’s a reflection of their teaching if student don’t put forth the effort into doing homework.

In order to differentiate between EFFORT in EMPLOYMENT and EFFORT in LEARNING, I avoid the use of the word, “work.” Rather than referring to homeWORK, I refer to home assignments.

And the only reflection on your teaching should be to ask yourself whether or not the assignments are relevant, meaningful, and/or useful.… >>>

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A Reflective Question to Change Your Thoughts

On April 23, 2015 / Effectiveness

There are emotional challenges that all of us have, even children. One of the challenges pertains to worrying about the future.

Worry is fear of the unknown. Even more important to realize is that worry is actually negative self-talk. Additionally, if you reflect on the things that you have worried about, you will conclude that they rarely occurred in reality.

As with worry, some people live with past failures, with past hurts, and thereby bring past negative emotions into the present.

One of the keys to happiness is to practice thinking in the present rather than dwelling on the worry of the future or negativity of the past. Controlling your thoughts to stay in the present by redirecting negative thoughts … >>>

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Prevent Student Dropout

On April 21, 2015 / Learning, Relationships

This country has a serious dropout problem. Every year, over 1.2 million students drop out of high school in the United States alone. That’s one student every 26 seconds, or 7,000 a day.

Not returning to school is not an event; it is a process. Show me a school dropout, and I’ll show you a young person who has not established positive relationships at school.

Many dropouts start negative self-talk early in their school careers. I submit that this negative approach has many causes—among which are (1) using competition (rather than collaboration) and (2) emphasizing what is wrong (rather than first pointing out positives and, thereby, fostering encouragement).

However, the desire to belong is so strong in young humans that … >>>

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One Question to Improve Effectiveness

On April 16, 2015 / Effectiveness

Parents and teachers often want to know, “How can I get my children/students to try harder?” The answer is simple: ask them. The best question to ask is: “Can you do better?”

This question will prompt students to increase their effort and improve their quality of work.

Asked by parents, this question will prompt their children to reflect on their behavior.

But it goes way beyond the classroom and home front. You can use this question in everyday interactions too.

For example, asked by you at a hotel registration desk may often result in an upgraded room. The same works with rental car agencies and people working on commission.

And don’t forget the most important person to ask: YOU!

“Can … >>>

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Give Students the Opportunity to be Responsible

On April 14, 2015 / Responsibility

A teacher recounted one of her tough discipline experiences: She asked a misbehaving student (middle school) on which level he was choosing to behave, and he answered, “On a lower level.” The student did this a few more times, so the teacher gave him the reflection form. But even after filling it out, the student still operated at a low level. The teacher, extremely frustrated at this point, didn’t know what to do except give the student a detention (imposed discipline). She came to me wondering what she should do next time this occurred. Following is my reply.

Think “Elicit” rather than “Impose.”

After the student has acknowledged lower level behavior and continues to act on level B, ask the … >>>

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Daily Questions for Students and Teachers

On April 9, 2015 / Effectiveness

If you want to help your students improve their performance (and also improve your own), make these questions a part of your classroom culture.

Create (or have a student create) a large poster with the following questions clearly visible:
1. What am I learning?
2. How am I learning?
3. Why am I learning?
4. Who am I becoming?

Primary students can share their responses with each other. Older students can reflect on the lesson/day in their journals.

Create a small poster for yourself, too. A pocket-size card will do. Place these questions on the card for a morning glance:
1. What am I doing to start my day in a positive way?
2. What do I get to do … >>>

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Options and Discipline

On April 7, 2015 / Discipline

Giving three options works wonders in just about any situation.

For example, let’s assume your airline flight has been delayed and you finally get to your hotel room at midnight. But because it is so late, the hotel clerk informs you that your hotel room has been given to another guest.

Rather than get angry, tell the clerk that the hotel has three options: (1) give you one of the suites they reserve for their special guests at the rate originally given you, (2) pay for the transportation AND room charges for another hotel that they arrange, or (3) call the general manager of the hotel. The result: You will be given one of the hotel’s special rooms for the … >>>

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