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The Discipline of Happiness

On October 9, 2014 / Effectiveness

Have you noticed that many parents, teachers, and students these days seem unhappy? Have you also noticed a rise in classroom discipline? Does unhappiness cause students to act out and adults to respond with traditional and ineffective discipline techniques?

Well, I assert that we all have a moral responsibility to be happy.

We owe it to our spouse or partner, our fellow workers, our children, our students, our friends—indeed to anyone who comes into our lives. If for no other reason, people act more decently when they are happy. Students act out less, and adults are less stressed.

So how do we achieve happiness? Well, if we equate happiness with success, we will never achieve the amount of success necessary … >>>

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Schools and Democracy

On October 7, 2014 / Learning

If schools were democracies, what would change? was the topic of an interview between Deborah Meier and Leo Casey of the Albert Shanker Institute on October 7, 2014 in Education Week.

The article states,”I’m constantly amazed at how utopian people think the idea of the school being some form of real democracy is. I think that underlying this troubling suspicion about democracy’s efficacy is due to miseducation, plus a lack of experience with any democratic institutions.”

I responded to the the article as follows:

The question is inappropriate. Democracy means rule by the people. Schools are established for many reasons, one of which is perpetuate the culture. Teachers are hired because they know more than students. A school based … >>>

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Classroom Discipline and Inappropriate Language

On October 7, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

It seems that in today’s world, many classroom discipline issues revolve around students using foul language. If you’ve ever dealt with this problem, you have likely realized that traditional discipline techniques do virtually nothing to stop it from reoccurring. Therefore, here’s what I suggest teachers do.

First, discuss the words “appropriate” and “inappropriate.” For example, pajamas are not worn to school, you no longer drink from a baby bottle, and you don’t yell at your parents if you want something from them. These are simply inappropriate behaviors. Similarly, when inappropriate or foul language is used at school, it is an attempt to gain favor or show off. Everyone seeks, desires, and wants feelings of competency, importance, and wishes to be … >>>

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Get Students Interested in Learning

On October 2, 2014 / Discipline, Learning

One major source of classroom discipline is dealing with students who have no interest in learning. In their frustration, many teachers resort to implementing rewards (bribes) to gain students’ attention, or they use imposed punishments (detention, extra homework, etc.) in the hopes that the youth will take learning seriously.

Here’s a better approach and one that doesn’t involve any stressful classroom discipline techniques.

First, let students know that if they decide not to learn, it is their decision. You will not even attempt to force learning; it can’t be done. But you will not allow a student to disrupt another person’s learning. In this mini-lecture, let your students know that no one suffers from their lack of learning but themselves—that … >>>

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5 Tips for Improving Your Relationships

On September 30, 2014 / Relationships

Here are five suggestions for improving relationships—with youth and adults alike.

First, give affirmations. A simple acknowledgement can have dramatic results. This is especially important with young people. They want to assert their independence and autonomy. Just acknowledging that you have heard their point of view, regardless of agreement, can have a profound effect on how your growing young one feels about the relationship.
Second, use quality listening time. Quality time is quality-driven, not necessarily quantity-driven. Simply give your full attention to the person speaking. By using eye contact, a nod now and then, and occasionally interjecting a clarification communicates that you are “with” the person—that you are not only listening but hearing what the person is saying.
Third, share

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Classroom Discipline Mistakes

On September 28, 2014 / Discipline

Why continue to use approaches that are brain-antagonistic?

Learning requires inspirational motivation, and most current discipline practices violate approaches recommended by authorities such as Stephen Covey, W. Edwards Deming, William Glasser, Eric Jensen, and Harry Wong.

Here are 12 commonly used practices that are not effective enough with today’s youth. Some are so counterproductive that they actually exacerbate the dropout rate of students—especially in low economic areas.

1. BEING REACTIVE

Teachers become stressed when a reactive approach is used to confront inappropriate behavior. It is far more effective to employ a proactive approach to inspire students to want to behave responsibly and then use a non-adversarial response when they don’t.

2. RELYING ON RULES

Rules are meant to control—not inspire… >>>

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Discipline and Toddlers

On September 25, 2014 / Discipline

Many parents and caregivers who work with toddlers (children age two to three) often wonder how the Discipline Without Stress methodology can work for them. Since young children cannot understand the concept of internal motivation, which is key in the Discipline Without Stress approach, parents and caregivers think they have no choice but to resort to rewards and punishments in order for the youth to learn appropriate/inappropriate behavior.

The fact is that you can teach children as young as age one or two appropriate behavior without using rewards or punishments. Here are a few techniques:

When the child does something that is not appropriate, lightly touch his or her wrist and move your head sideways (in a “no” “no” motion).

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“Not” Versus “No”

On September 23, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

A parent contacted me, inquiring how she could tell her child “no” but still remain positive. As she explained, “I find that I am telling my youngster ‘no’ so often that it disturbs me. I want to be positive, but ‘no’ sounds so negative. What should I do?”

I proceeded to tell her a short story: A few years ago my wife and I were to attend a formal event dedicated to the memory of the gifted Scottish poet and song writer Robbie Burns, who gave us such world classics as “Auld Lange Syne” and “My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose.”

I planned to wear formal Scottish attire—a “Montrose” jacket and kilt. My wife inquired if she should … >>>

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Labeling and Discipline

On September 18, 2014 / Discipline

Many teachers and parents lament that disciplining children with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is difficult. Remember, though, that designations such as ADD and ADHD are just that—designations. People who display certain characteristics are labeled. For example if you display inattention, distractibility and/or impulsiveness, you could be labeled ADD. If hyperactivity were included, you could be labeled ADHD.

It is important to note that no biological proof of these designations exists as they do with physiological designations such as influenza, pneumonia, or tuberculosis. In fact, diagnosis occurs via a checklist. Both the child’s parents and teacher(s) check off characteristics they have seen the child display. Each characteristic is given a point value. The checklists are … >>>

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Avoid the “7 Deadly Habits” of Relationships

On September 16, 2014 / Parenting, Relationships

Dr. William Glasser, the originator of “Reality Therapy” and “Choice Theory,” believes that attempts to change others by using “external control psychology” (including the common discipline approaches of imposed punishments or rewards) are doomed to fail.

He refers to such “external approaches” as the “seven deadly habits.” He lists them as: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control.

To prove his point, just respond to the following:

How do you feel when someone criticizes you?
How do you feel when someone blames you?
How do you feel when someone complains to you?
How do you feel when someone nags you?
How do you feel when someone threatens to do something to you?
How do you feel when

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One Strategy to Reduce Perfectionism in Youth

On September 11, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Perfectionism plagues many students. While wanting to do a good job is indeed an important trait, sometimes it can go to the extreme. When this occurs, it takes students very long to complete their work. Neatness and precision are imperative to perfectionists. Whatever they are working on must look right—by their perception—before they can move on. This ultimately hinders their progress and results in frustration on the part of the youth and the teachers.

Here is an assignment to give students who suffer from perfectionism: Have the student explain the following aphorism, “You cannot be perfect and learn at the same time.”

A few examples may help. (1) Have him assume that he is playing the piano and makes a … >>>

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You Have More Choices than You Think

On September 9, 2014 / Effectiveness

You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “Think Outside the Box.” But why is the box even there in the first place?

We think in the box because it is the only box given us. That is, our thoughts almost automatically become restricted to that which is presented to us. For example, the mother asks the youngster whether he would prefer fish or liver for dinner. Sometimes neither of the options is preferable, but we have a tendency to choose from these restricted options presented to us.

The more your self-talk begins with, “Are these my only choices?” the more options you’ll discover. A typical example is the oft-quoted question, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” The optimist responds … >>>

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Switching from Imposing Discipline to Promoting Responsibility

On September 4, 2014 / Discipline, Responsibility

No one has an inherent desire to obey—to be told what to do—not even children. However, when responsibility is promoted, obedience follows as a natural by-product.

Of course, learning how to promote responsibility in others takes practice and patience. Going from the mindset of imposing discipline to one of promoting positivity, asking reflective questions, and offering guides choices takes time. No matter how long you’ve been teaching, making the switch to the new methodology will be fraught with ups and downs. The key is to be persistent, no matter how many setbacks you encounter.

To illustrate how unrealistic it is to expect yourself to make an overnight transformation in your approach, consider this story:

A rich woman walked up to … >>>

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Discipline and Learning in a Multi-Cultural Classroom

On September 2, 2014 / Discipline, Learning

Today’s global society gives our youth a perspective and insights into other cultures that were simply not possible a few generations ago. With so many families moving around the world for employment opportunities, it’s not uncommon to see classrooms with multi-cultural members. Students born and raised in the United States are sharing the classroom with children born in Asia, Europe, and the Middle East. And if the children aren’t in the same classroom, they still observe and interact with each other thanks to video conferencing technology.

Of course, this brings up an interesting dilemma for teachers: Since these children come from homes that have different social attitudes toward studying, classroom behavior, bullying, teasing, etc., how can a teacher speak in … >>>

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Punishment in Los Angeles Schools

On August 31, 2014 / Discipline

A recent headline in the Los Angeles Times proclaimed, “L.A. Unified school police to stop citing students for minor offenses.”

The article cites the example of Michael Davis who experienced firsthand the effects of coercive discipline when he received a police citation for tardiness in middle school and later was removed from class for failing to wear the school uniform in a South Los Angeles high school.

This is a typical example of the punishment culture prevalent in too many schools—especially urban middle and high schools.

The change away from punitive law enforcement actions reflects growing research that handling minor offenses with police actions does not necessarily make campuses safer—but instead often pushes struggling students to drop out and … >>>

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How to Stop Classroom Disruptions

On August 28, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

A teacher who practices the Discipline Without Stress methodology recently told me about an interaction in her classroom and wondered how she could improve. Here’s what happened.

She explained that she has a few children in her class who persist in behaving at Level B, even after she has “checked for understanding” and has proceeded with “guided choices.” On the day we spoke, she said that she had told one of her students who hit another child, “I want you to stay in our classroom, but if you act on Level B again, you are telling me that you want to keep on making your own rules for the class.” The child’s behavior did not improve, so she was struggling … >>>

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Discipline and the Strong-Willed Child

On August 26, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

A parent recently contacted me asking for advice. She said that her first grade daughter got in trouble at school (on the very first day of class) because the child is very strong-willed and refused to obey her teacher. Since the teacher was not using the Raise Responsibility System, she naturally resorted to traditional and punitive discipline techniques, which only resulted in the child declaring that she hated school and her teacher. This was not a good start to the school year for sure!

Here’s what I told the parent:

“Explain to the teacher that your daughter is extremely independent and that the teacher will have more success—and reduce stress on everyone’s part—if the teacher aims at EMPOWERING your daughter, … >>>

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Improve Children’s Attitude Toward School

On August 21, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Many parents lament that their children’s attitude about school is that they only want to get by with the minimum. Even if the youth does the assigned homework, they often forget to turn it in. Their teachers often report that these are intelligent children, yet they are not doing well in their studies. Does this sound familiar? What’s a parent to do?

When I talk to these parents, I often point out that the problem lies in the fact that the adult is trying to control the youngster. By them not doing what the adults tell them, the youth are exercising control and power. Realize that they won’t change if the parents keep telling them what to do, no matter … >>>

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