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Change Your Relationships by Changing Yourself

On August 19, 2014   /   Relationships  

If you look around at your family, friends, and co-workers, you will see that the happiest people are the ones who don’t pretend to know what’s right for others and don’t try to control anyone but themselves.

You will further see that the people who are most miserable are those who are always trying to control others. Even if they have a lot of power, such as over students, the constant resistance in some form by the weaker people they are trying to control deprives them of happiness.

If you try to control your students, you will be met with constant discipline challenges. If you try to control a spouse or partner, the relationship will be stressful. If you try … >>>

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Thinking, Beliefs, and Learning

On August 14, 2014   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

I often write and talk about helping students avoid victimhood-thinking. But it’s equally important for teachers to avoid the victimization mentality as well. Thinking like a victim is toxically disempowering. Empowerment is so much more effective. And even if it were not, you would still be happier in an empowerment mode than in a victimhood mode.

While many teachers believe that they do avoid such negative thinking, one recent staff discussion demonstrated that a change in mindset would be required for some teachers to leave the victimhood realm. Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking—ON THE PART OF THE … >>>

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Make the School Year Happy, not Stressful

On August 12, 2014   /   Effectiveness  

Teaching consistently ranks as one of the top 20 most stressful professions. And too much stress in anyone’s life makes happiness hard to maintain.

But the fact is that as a teacher, you have a responsibility to yourself to think and participate in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life—one that brings you happiness. Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”

Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor.

What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of … >>>

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How to Make a Difference in a Child’s Life

On August 7, 2014   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

I’ve seen the following message circulate over the years. As so many teachers and parents are spending the next few weeks preparing for another school year, I thought this would be a good time to share this wonderful reminder about what it really takes to make a difference in someone’s life.

Recall the following:

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name five people who have won a Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half-dozen Academy Award winners for best actor (female and male).
6. Name five of the last decade’s World Series winners.

How did … >>>

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How to Discipline When a Child is Making a Scene

On August 5, 2014   /   Discipline, Parenting  

At some point, all parents have had to deal with a child who did not want to listen or comply with what needed to be done. Whether it was getting the child to buckle his or her car seat or leave a fun place (such as a public swimming pool or beach), the child resisted to the point of making a scene.

What’s a parent to do? Discipline the child by imposing a punishment? Bribe the child by offering a reward? Neither. Following are the best discipline approaches for this situation.

First, understand that children mature when they begin to realize that other people’s interests are also involved in their decisions. Having a youngster become aware of this is one … >>>

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Encourage Responsible Thinking

On July 31, 2014   /   Responsibility  

Whenever my students gave me an excuse for something within their control, I didn’t discipline them in the traditional ways. Rather, my standard comment to them was, “Responsibility finds a way; irresponsibility finds an excuse.” The purpose of this mantra was to encourage responsible thinking and behavior.

Since being responsible requires thinking, effort, and choosing from a range of difficult decisions, many young people nonconsciously convince themselves that it is too insurmountable a challenge. Some blame others for their problems without any thought as to responsible responses to their challenges. Others hope that someone will come along and make everything right.

People can operate more responsibly if they have a strategy. One strategy is to ask young people the following … >>>

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The Best Way to Promote Responsibility

On July 29, 2014   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

One vital thought to keep in mind when promoting responsibility with the young is this: “Do not do something for them that they can do for themselves.”

When you want the young person to do something and he or she does not, oftentimes stress is induced—on the adult. The youngster is aware of your emotions and (nonconsciously) derives a sense of power from it. What he is doing—or not doing—is seen as directing your emotions.

Here’s how it often plays out: The youngster has a number of things to do and is laxidazical about doing them. You remind the youngster—to no avail. Time passes. Another reminder is forthcoming with the same result. At this point, many parents resort to discipline … >>>

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Encouragement, Empowerment, and Likability

On July 24, 2014   /   Effectiveness  

We all want to be liked—teachers are no different. Unfortunately, one of the major mistakes many new teachers make is attempting to have their students like them by befriending them. This often takes the form of encouraging students to call them by their given name rather than by their surname, and generally to place themselves on the same level as their students.

Certainly, teachers should be friendly, but friendship is not the way to build likability—nor is it the building block young people need. Encouragement and empowerment are the essentials, as they also lead to increased self-discipline.

I recall the story of a first grader who did not learn how to read and had to repeat the first grade. At … >>>

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Success and Positivity

On July 22, 2014   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

Human nature is based on a deficit model—to fix what is wrong. In a very real sense, our attention is geared at fixing others.

For example, after a meeting with teachers, the student said to his mother, “Why didn’t they talk more about my social studies—what I am good at instead of what I am not good at? All they want to do is fix what is wrong with me.”

The mother responded by saying, “They are trying to help you.”

The student retorted, “No, they are trying to fix me.”

Such are the perceptions of the parent and child. What should it be for the teacher? The answer lies in the question, “What optimizes learning?”

Great teachers know that … >>>

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Get Children to Take Ownership

On July 17, 2014   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

All parents and teachers want children to keep their end of agreements. For example, if a child says he will take out the garbage, the parent expects that’s what will happen. If a student says she will do her homework, the teacher expects her to follow through. When the youth doesn’t do what he or she promised to do, adults often try to discipline the child, dishing out punishments or imposing consequences. This approach is ineffective.

Why? Because punishment is based on the idea that a person needs to be hurt in order to learn. This is fallacious thinking. When punishment is imposed, the person being punished feels like a victim. Victims take no responsibility for their behavior. In addition, … >>>

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Positivity Builds Self-Esteem

On July 15, 2014   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Self-esteem is a person’s sense of self-worth and is manifested in large part by a person’s self-talk. One of the advantages researchers report about positive self-talk is that it encourages persistence—a key characteristic for success.

Negative self-talk creates a negative mindset that can lead to avoiding failure rather than reaching for success.

The more young people are encouraged and are talked to in positive ways the greater chances are for their own self-talk to be positive, which will greatly reduce discipline issues. As a teacher or parent, you have a tremendous opportunity to promote positive self-talk in young people. If you’re dealing with a child who is at-risk and needing frequent discipline, realize that these youth focus more on the … >>>

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Discipline and Fairness

On July 10, 2014   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Maintaining order in your classroom or your home is critical. As you do so, though, never forget this basic truth about discipline: Children do not mind a tough teacher (or parent) but they despise an unfair one.

Being unfair can run the gamut from imposing a harsh punishment one day and a lenient one the next, or not giving a reward for something even though the same behavior earned a reward last week. Once children view you as unfair, you’ve lost them.

This is why when it comes to discipline situations, imposed punishments simply don’t work. There’s no way to be consistent or fair with such measures. In fact, imposing the same consequence on all students/children is the least fair … >>>

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Charter Schools and Discipline

On July 8, 2014   /   Discipline  

Charter schools were conceived in large part as an alternative to underperforming public schools. Charter schools allow educators and entrepreneurs to create new teaching models. More flexibility will allow more successful approaches for dealing with not only instruction but also behavior and discipline problems that impinge on the effectiveness of schools.

The ability to experiment created enthusiasm nationwide for the charter school movement. Charter school enrollment has doubled since 2006. Today more than 2.2 million K-12 students are enrolled in the 6000 charters schools operated in 42 states and Washington, DC.

A main advantage that charter schools have over other public schools is that the tremendous amount of paperwork is significantly decreased. In fact, the reduction of paperwork and administrative … >>>

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Recess and Discipline

On July 8, 2014   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning  

I recently read an article in The Atlantic about teaching in Finland. In the piece, an American teacher in Helsinki questioned the national practice of giving 15 minute breaks each hour—until he saw the difference it made in his classroom.

In Finland, teachers send kids outside—rain or shine—for a 15-minute break after every 45 minutes of teaching. And the children get to decide how they spend their break times. There are no teacher-led activities or expected things to do during recess. Usually, teachers take turns—two at a time—supervising the playground during these 15-minute stints.

To Americans, this approach sounds too soft—too lazy. But as this teacher in Helsinki noted, “My students in the States had always seemed to drag their … >>>

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No Child Left Behind and Discipline

On July 7, 2014   /   Discipline  

The follow-up to the original 1965 Elementary and Secondary Education Act, now referred to as “No Child Left Behind,” will rank as one of the most poorly constructed laws to improve education.

The approaches to increase low academic performance (which always concerns behavior and how schools handle discipline challenges) are narrowly drawn and rigid and in many ways counterproductive for improving education. In addition, there is an overreliance on test scores to measure academic quality. Standardized test scores are poor measures of academic progress. The purpose of standardized tests is to achieve a bell-shaped curve. If more than 50 per cent of a question is answered correctly, the question is eliminated because it does not add to the goal of … >>>

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Declining Discipline Suspensions?

On July 6, 2014   /   Discipline  

The Los Angeles Times reported on June 1, 2014 that the Los Angeles Unified School District’s disciplinary suspensions have been reduced.

The article reported about schools where administrators typically handled discipline problems by suspending students. However, several parents complained that their children were sent home without officially being suspended.

Several parents at one of the schools said their children were unfairly removed from school and “off the books.” A confidential report by community organizations found that some principles were using “workaround” to district mandates to reduce suspensions.

Similar charges have been made elsewhere in the district. One school principal was removed following allegations that he sent home at least 20 students while directing the staff not to mark them absent … >>>

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Discipline by Imposing Consequences Results in a Lawsuit

On July 6, 2014   /   Discipline  

The July 2, 2014 issue of the Los Angels Times headlined the following: Ethics guru and school spar on discipline.

Michael Josephson made a career of encouraging people to do the right thing. His Los Angeles based nonprofit, The Josephson Institute of Ethics, has trained government officials, corporate officers, Olympic athletes, and millions of schoolchildren in ethical decision-making.

Josephson is now suing a school in Los Angeles because the school mistreated one of his teenage daughters because of a discipline disagreement and will not allow another of his daughters to complete her senior high school year at the private school.

In a nutshell, the problem arose when the school imposed a disciplinary action on one of his daughters.

The entire … >>>

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A Final Thought on Discipline about Today’s Approaches

On July 4, 2014   /   Discipline  

I received the following communication, which I am sharing because it articulates what so many teachers think about the current stage of discipline in schools.

“I used your strategies successfully for several years. It is a wonderful system that also works at home and in our private lives. I am completely sold. I love Dr. Marshall’s book. I learned so much.

“However, I have recently struggled to implement the discipline system in my classroom. There were so many obstacles. Kids were fine with it and understood it. I loved that part! But principals and parents could or would not support it. Several times I was told by a principal not to use it and to use whatever he/she wanted. The … >>>

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