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Misguided Discipline Proposals to Reduce School Suspensions

On January 21, 2014   /   Discipline  

New federal guidelines regarding school suspensions for discipline are misguided because some of the recommendations are counterproductive. Specifically, rewarding students for good behavior and creating student codes of contact that spell out sanctions for violations are old and ineffective approaches for this new generation of 21st century young people.

Rewarding students for good behavior is built on good intentions but is counterproductive. Manipulative approaches of bribing by giving rewards for desired behaviors are effective only for the moment. The reward motivates the person to get the reward but does not build the characteristic for wanting to become more responsible. Besides, rewards punish those people who do everything that the rewarded person does but without also receiving the reward. This … >>>

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Discipline and Change

On January 20, 2014   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

Although you can control another person through outdated discipline techniques like imposed punishments and rewards, you cannot change what a person thinks. People think and change themselves.

Ben Franklin said, “You cannot coerce people into changing their minds.” Once you learn this simple fact of life, the next question is, “How can I best influence the person to change?” The answer will always be through a noncoercive approach. Using positivity, choice, and reflection (all of which are discussed in detail on this site and in my books Discipline Without Stress and Parenting Without Stress) will increase your effectiveness in influencing others and will also result in improved relationships and fewer discipline challenges.

Remember, a change in behavior … >>>

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Rules and Discipline

On January 17, 2014   /   Responsibility  

Rules are meant to control—not inspire.

Rules are necessary in games. Between people, however, rules result in adversarial relationships and actually increase discipline issues. Why? Because rules require enforcement. In addition, rules are often stated in negative terms and imply an imposed consequence if not followed.

Rules place the teacher in the position of the enforcer—a cop wearing a blue uniform with copper buttons—rather than of a teacher, coach, mentor, facilitator of learning, or educator.

Enforcing rules can result in power struggles that rarely result in win-win situations or good relationships.

Upon analysis, you will see that rules are either procedures or expectations. Therefore, rather than relying on rules, you will be much more effective if you teach procedures, … >>>

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What Discipline Really Is

On January 15, 2014   /   Discipline  

The following is from my Discipline Without Stress Resource Guide. It gives a good overview of what discipline really is … and what it isn’t. I’d love to hear your thoughts about discipline. Please contribute in the comments below.

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What Is Discipline?

“Discipline is understood in a very limited way by most educators—How do we get these children to behave?—rather than How do we support the people in our charge as they learn to channel and direct their positive energy in ways that accomplish their goals and those of their community?” -Dr. Richard E. Clark, Chair Department of Educational Psychology, University of Southern California

“To many people, discipline means punishment. But, actually, to discipline means … >>>

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Discipline and Learning

On January 13, 2014   /   Discipline, Learning  

People learn best when they feel safe—physically, socially, emotionally—and when they participate academically. When students feel anxious or believe that they will feel bad, learning is diminished. Unfortunately, many teachers inadvertently make students feel bad as a result of the discipline approach they use.  

Manipulative discipline approaches of bribing by giving rewards for desired behaviors and coercive discipline approaches of imposing punishments are effective only for the moment. An important point to remember when relying on these “external” approaches is that they depend on someone else. They are useless when an adult is not around.

Aside from imposed punishments, even rewarding behavior can engender negative feelings—as when an award is expected but is not forthcoming. … >>>

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Use Stories to Curb Discipline Problems

On January 10, 2014   /   Responsibility  

Stories are an excellent way to teach a concept, especially to young children. In my books, I recommend using stories to teach children about the various levels in the Hierarchy of Social Development.

Of course, some people aren’t natural story-tellers, especially when the story needs to convey a specific learning point. In fact, one of the common questions I receive is “What stories work best to teach young children the levels of social development?” In answering these people, I’ve found that they don’t just want general guidance on the types of stories to use. They want actual stories that they can read to their class or child word for word.

If you’re looking for short stories to read to children … >>>

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3 Tips for Teachers to Encourage Learning

On January 8, 2014   /   Learning  

Imagine having a classroom of eager, young people who are there because they want to be, not because they are obliged to be … who do what’s expected of them because they enjoy it, not because of a threat of discipline … who are eager to learn, not just occupying space in a room. Unfortunately, this is not the case in many classrooms today. However, by focusing on the following three suggestions, you can take the first steps to create lessons that produce better results for both students and teachers.

1. Structure experiences to apply to life outside of school: Theory is important, but interest will increase the more you tie it into practice by showing how the learning makes … >>>

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3 Ways to Promote Responsibility

On January 6, 2014   /   Responsibility  

In many areas of the country, school is going back into session this week after the customary winter break. If you’ve resolved to focus on promoting responsibility with your students this year, here are three simple steps to kick start the process. After you see some results from these suggestions, come back to this blog for more ways to promote responsibility in youth, which naturally decreases discipline issues.

1. Teach students to ask themselves questions: Encourage students to ask themselves questions. The questioning process starts the thinking process. When students begin to ask themselves “Why?” and “How?” questions, both alertness and interest increase. There are only three things we are more likely to answer than a question—the telephone, the doorbell, … >>>

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3 Practices that Enhance Learning

On January 3, 2014   /   Learning  

While it’s nice to think that every student comes to school eager to learn, that’s simply not the case. Any teacher or parent knows this. The good news is that there are things teachers can do to foster a true learning environment. Even better, the more conducive to learning your classroom is, the fewer discipline problems you’ll have. Here are the top three practices to implement this week.

1. Use collaboration: Competition improves performance, not learning. Yes, some students will practice for hours spurred on by the competitive spirit—be it in music, athletics, or performing arts. But these students are motivated to compete. And competition can be fun for short periods, but competing with others is devastating for the youngster … >>>

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A New Approach to Discipline

On January 1, 2014   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

With the New Year upon us, many people are making resolutions to improve their relationships this year. Why not extend that to include improving relationships with youth? Whether you’re a parent or a teacher, you can take steps to make parenting a joy and teaching less stressful.

The usual approach to discipline is to teach toward obedience using rewarding, telling, and punishing. These are all various forms of manipulation, pressure, or coercion—and often induce stress and resistance. By contrast, if a discipline approach is used where students are motivated to be responsible, then obedience becomes a natural by-product.

Young people—pre-school through 12th grade—want to be responsible, but we are using ineffective approaches to help them. If you’re yearning … >>>

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Motivation and Discipline

On December 30, 2013   /   Discipline  

One of the goals of discipline is to instill in students the motivation to be responsible and to do what they need to do. Following are three ways to foster the internal motivation that leads to lasting self-discipline.

1. Create curiosity: Curiosity is perhaps the greatest of all motivators. Here is the difference between American and Japanese styles of teaching: In Japanese schools, students are immediately introduced to a problem or challenge. They grapple with it. Curiosity is naturally engendered. By contrast, in American schools the main idea(s) are presented, the solution is taught, and then students practice. Where is the curiosity engendered using this approach?

2. Create desire: Students are constantly asking themselves, “What’s In It For Me?” Since … >>>

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Consistency and Fairness in Discipline

On December 27, 2013   /   Discipline  

Consistency is important when using discipline, but so is fairness. How does a parent resolve a situation where, for example, two siblings are fighting? The usual approach is to impose the same consequence on both parties. But is equality the same as fairness when it comes to discipline? What if one sibling is continually the instigator? Since one individual may have started the incident and since each person’s sensitivity is different, imposing the same consequence on all parties is the least fair approach.

A more effective and fairer approach for discipline is to elicit a consequence or a procedure from each individual to redirect impulses that will help each youngster become more responsible. Of course, if you think that the … >>>

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Why “Telling” is Ineffective Discipline

On December 25, 2013   /   Parenting  

We would all like our children to gain from our experiences and our wisdom. Therefore, it seems only natural for us to tell our children what to do and what not to do. After all, young people will learn from what we tell them, right? Wrong! In truth, telling and lecturing are poor discipline strategies.

Here are the top 5 problems with relying on telling to instill discipline:

  1. Telling is perceived as an attempt to control, and people do not want to be controlled.
  2. Telling creates defensiveness and a tendency to resist.
  3. Telling implies that something has to be changed. People don’t mind change as much as they mind being changed.
  4. Telling aims at obedience, not inspiration.
  5. Telling—like punishing and
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Yesterday’s Discipline Techniques Won’t Work Today

On December 23, 2013   /   Discipline  

A reader wrote to me: “I have heard many teachers say with sadness or disgust, ‘Kids are not the same as they were when I started teaching.’ If students are different, how can the same way of dealing with their behavior still be effective? Isn’t it evident that the system of rewards and consequences is not working when the same students continually misbehave throughout their school careers in spite of all the opportunities for rewards they are offered and the numerous consequences they have incurred?”

This reader is correct! Kids are different today. These days, children are exposed to different environments than those in earlier generations. This is one of many reasons that traditional discipline approaches based on coercion are … >>>

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Teach Responsibility

On December 20, 2013   /   Responsibility  

Have you ever said in frustration, “What should I do with this kid?” If you have, you’re not alone. It’s probably one of the most common questions teachers and parents ask themselves.

Realize, though, that you don’t “do” things to people. A better approach—one that promotes responsibility and reduces discipline problems—is to teach young people to do things for themselves.

Using traditional approaches of discipline, such as imposed punishments and rewards, may make the parent or teacher feel better, but it does little to foster independence and self-discipline in youth. In fact, the external approaches of relying on rules, imposing consequences, rewarding youth for appropriate behavior, and punishing children to make them obey are all counterproductive. They may force compliance … >>>

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The Truth About Discipline

On December 18, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

In her book The Caring Teacher’s Guide to Discipline: Helping Young Students Learn Self-Control, Responsibility, and Respect, Marilyn Gootman writes that discipline is teaching self-control, not controlling or managing students. 

And as Richard Sagor notes in his book At-Risk Students: Reaching and Teaching Them, an effective discipline program requires three particular, vital educational functions:

  • The maintenance of order
  • The development of internal locus of control
  • The promotion of prosocial behavior

All three are accomplished in an approach where the student acknowledges ownership of behavior, where the student self-evaluates, and where the student develops a plan. In the process, the student grows by becoming more self-regulated. As Sagor notes, the locus of control is internal.

This is in contrast to … >>>

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Relationships Reduce Discipline Problems

On December 16, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

A personal connection is the best gift that a teacher can give to students, especially troubled or challenging ones. In fact, strong teacher/student relationships can curb discipline problems.

We know that the brain is a seeker of connections. When new information is given to students, nothing in the brain may take place until a connection or hook is made. For some students, cognitive connections are not made easily. The human connection can serve as the part of what provides a hook for persistence that is so necessary for success with these students.

A teacher is an encourager. In his article “Teaching for Intelligence: In Search of Best Practices,” Jim Bellanca stated it succinctly: “Teaching is a strategic act of encouragement.” … >>>

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Asking is Better than Telling

On December 13, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Answering a question with a question is one of the most effective approaches a parent (or anyone) can use. Whether in everyday, casual conversation or in a discipline situation, questions are much more effective than telling.

For example, if the young person asks you a question of which you are not sure how to respond (or if you want the young person to give more thought to the subject), put the conversational ball back by asking a question in a non-confrontational way. Some questions to consider are:

  • “What do you mean?”
  • “What makes you ask that?”
  • “What do you think … (the reason is … we should do next … the best option is … etc.)?”

The beauty of this … >>>

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