Blog

Parents as Role Models

On September 20, 2013 / Parenting, Responsibility

It’s often said that parents are a child’s first role model. This is so true, as evidenced by the following story a parent sent in.

“My son started putting himself in timeouts probably because that’s what I did with myself. If I got frustrated or angry or impatient with him, I would excuse myself and say, ‘I am going to go sit on the porch and take a break; I’ll come back and talk with you when I’m calm.’ He usually came to look for me to apologize for his behavior or to see if I was all right.”

What kind of responsible behavior are you modeling for your children?… >>>

READ MORE >>> →

3 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Students

On September 18, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Many children would rather be bad than stupid. So one reason why they misbehave is they don’t want to be failures. The Raise Responsibility System is the foundation for handling irresponsible behavior. However, some students require special discipline attention in order to help them become more responsible. Here are three suggestions to try.

1. Coach

Think of young people as lacking skills, rather than as being noncompliant. Few students are maliciously non-compliant. We teach young people how to swing a baseball bat, how to play a musical instrument, and how to drive a car. We do not give up on them, nor do we resort to imposed punishment. We coach them.

2. Give Start Directions

Students with short attention spans … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

3 Keys for Stress-Free Discipline

On September 16, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Parenting

Practicing the principles of positivity, choice, and reflection reduces stress. These three principles also improve relationships, increase effectiveness in influencing others to change their behaviors, and make discipline easier. Here are some key points to remember:

Negative comments engender negative attitudes, while positive comments engender positive attitudes. People who are effective in influencing other to positive actions phrase their communications in positive terms. Rather than use consequences, which are usually perceived negatively and do not change the way a person wants to behave, they use contingencies, which promise with the positive and place the responsibility on the young person—where it belongs. If a consequence is necessary, a more effective approach is to elicit the consequence—which should be reasonable, respectable, and

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Change Yourself First

On September 13, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness

If you’re having discipline challenges with a child or student, the natural tendency is to try to change the person’s behavior. That’s why coercive discipline techniques like using imposed punishments, rewards, and telling are so prevalent. But remember that no one changes another person; people change themselves.

To that end, if you want the people around you to change, the best place to start is with yourself. Change your own approach to handling the behavior. Change how YOU motivate the person to want to change.

To determine the best changes to make in yourself that will result in other person being motivated to change, ask yourself this important question:

“If I … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Procedures are Better than Rules

On September 11, 2013 / Effectiveness

Very often, what a teacher refers to as a rule is really a procedure. We need look no further than to one of the first rules primary students are given. They are taught the classroom rule of raising one’s hand to be recognized by the teacher before speaking out. The same rule is taught year after year. I have even seen this rule posted in eighth grade classrooms! Simply reminding students that this is a procedure, rather than a rule, places the teacher in the position of a coach and eliminates an enforcement mentality.

We too often assume that students know what we know and what we would like them to do. This assumption is faulty. Teach procedures—such as how … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

How to Get Children to do Homework

On September 9, 2013 / Parenting, Responsibility

Now that school is in session all over the country, many parents are asking for help dealing with homework—specifically how to handle a child who simply refuses to do homework.

For parents, it’s natural to think that getting children to do their homework is part of their job. As such, they may fight with their children, impose discipline when youngsters refuse to do their homework, or even beg and plead for children to complete their assignments. All of these scenarios take the responsibility for completing homework off the children and instead places it on the parent’s plate.

So what’s the solution?

First, realize that no one can force another person to learn. Children need to be motivated. If there is … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Choices Build Responsibility

On September 6, 2013 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Offering choices raises responsibility because it is related to the issue of control. A person who makes choices gains control, and having control is a requirement for taking responsibility. Choice, control, and responsibility are inseparable:

Make a choice, and control is enhanced.

Fail to choose, and control is diminished.

Deny responsibility, and control is given up.

Choose responsibility, and control increases.

Here is an example shared with me by a friend who understood the basic need of all humans—of any age—to feel some sense of control over their lives.

My elderly mother was recovering from a very difficult surgery. Because of her weakened condition, she had lost her ability to walk and there was doubt about whether she would be

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Positivity and Discipline

On September 4, 2013 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Positivity is like a magnet. People are drawn to the positive and repelled by the negative. This simple truth about human nature is so important that it forms the first part of the foundation for the Raise Responsibility System.

Positivity has power, especially when you’re attempting to discipline youth. Positivity is an attitude that, with practice, you can develop for yourself and with your children. When you do, you will be amazed at how your stress becomes significantly reduced, your effectiveness increased, and your relationships improved.

Here are 4 facts about positivity and the impact it has on discipline:

Negative comments provoke negative attitudes. Positive comments prompt positive attitudes. Keep discipline positive by always speaking in positive terms.
The pictures

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Parenting Styles and the Discipline Without Stress Model

On September 2, 2013 / Effectiveness, Parenting

A recently published “Report on the Four Parenting Styles” by Hugo M. Rabson from University of Phoenix details four prevalent parenting styles in the United States, including the pros and cons of each. It also asserts one style of parenting is better than the others. Here are each of the styles outlined and how they compare to the Discipline Without Stress method.

1. Permissive: When a parent utilizes permissive parenting, he/she provides inconsistent feedback and requires little of his/her children. Children raised under this style tend to experience low self-esteem and develop poorer social skills. While the Discipline Without Stress method is noncoercive, it is certainly NOT permissive.

2. Authoritarian: Parents who are authoritarian are controlling, punitive, rigid, and cold. … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Back-to-School Wisdom for Parents and Teachers

On August 29, 2013 / Effectiveness, Parenting

The back-to-school season is upon us, with many classrooms already buzzing with new activity and others waiting to be filled with eager students next week. As you send your children to school these first few days or welcome them into your class, keep the following words of wisdom in mind.

“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” –Albert Einstein
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” – Nelson Mandela
“An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.” –Anatole France
“An investment in knowledge pays

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

New Study Reveals Problems with Standardized Testing

On August 27, 2013 / Effectiveness, Learning

A Gallup Poll about the public’s opinion on The Common Core Standards and the use of standardized test in education was released last week. In a previous post I commented on the findings about The Common Core Standards. Today I’d like to address the perceptions of standardized tests.

According to the poll’s findings, when asked whether “a significant increase in standardized testing” has “helped, hurt, or made no difference” in local school performance:

22% percent said that it has helped. Back in 2007, 28% said it had helped.

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

The Common Core Standards are Not So Common

On August 22, 2013 / Learning

According to a Gallup poll released this week, nearly two-thirds of Americans don’t know what the Common Core State Standards are. As many readers of this blog are aware, the Common Core State Standards are a set of learning standards that are supposed to prepare students for a 21st-century economy by emphasizing critical thinking skills and informational texts in reading, and depth in important math concepts.

Interestingly, while the Common Core Standards were designed to make American students more competitive in the global marketplace, the Gallup poll also showed that only four in ten of those familiar with the initiative think it can actually accomplish that goal.

Currently, 45 states and the District of Columbia are revamping their curricula to … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Discipline and Expectations

On August 21, 2013 / Discipline, Learning

The greater danger
for most of us
is not that our aim is
too high
and we miss it,
but that it is
too low
and we make it.
— Michelangelo (1475 – 1564)

Ask the key to success in real estate and you will hear, “location, location, location.”

Ask the key to appropriate behavior and learning and you will hear, “expectation, expectation, expectation.”

Questioning why some cultures and subcultures produce citizens who have developed the characteristics of behaving appropriately, perseverance, and those requirements necessary for a civil society and you will soon conclude that the key has to do with expectations.

My way of communicating Michelangelo’s message is concluding my presentations with two words: EXTEND YOURSELF! … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

A Conversation with a Finnish Parent about the U.S. Education System

On August 20, 2013 / Learning

I recently met with a gentleman who relocated his family from Finland to the United States this summer due to a work assignment. He and his wife have three children, ages 9, 12, and 15, so getting them enrolled and settled into their new school was a top priority for them.

I asked him what he thought of the U.S. schools and how they compared to what his children attended in Finland. His answer didn’t surprise me.

“The teachers at the schools seem very nice, but why is everyone so focused on test scores here?” he replied. “I understand that the schools want to place my children in the correct learning environment, but don’t they realize that test scores aren’t … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Disciplining a Challenging Child

On August 16, 2013 / Discipline

If you have a very challenging youngster, here is a technique that will give you and the child success.

Give the disrupting child four clothespins. Clip them together to make a square. At the beginning of the school day place them on top of the student’s desk where they are readily visible and accessible.

When the particularly challenging student acts irresponsibly, quietly ask for a clothespin.

Taking the clothespin gives something tangible to attach to an undesirable behavior and an opportunity to have the child make a better choice. The student is prompted to reflect, “Is this behavior worth losing a clothespin, or can I figure this out on my own?… >>>

READ MORE >>> →

Help Youngsters Feel Important

On August 15, 2013 / Effectiveness, Parenting

The great American humorist Will Rogers said, “As long as you live, you’ll never find a method so effective in getting through to another person as having that person feel important.” He was right. When you make people feel important, you get their cooperation.

Realize that Rogers was not talking about insincere flattery. He was referring to getting in the habit of recognizing how important people are. This should obviously apply to your children.

Here’s a famous story that illustrates the power of making someone feel important.

Cavett Robert, the founder of the National Speakers Association, looked out his window one morning and saw a skinny 12-year-old boy going door-to-door selling books. The boy was headed for his house. Robert … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

A Boat Analogy for Decisions

On August 14, 2013 / Effectiveness, Learning

“The moving finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on; nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.”
—From The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

One of life’s greatest illusions is the belief that the past is responsible for the condition of your life.

One way to understand this fallacy that the past determines your life is to imagine your body is a speedboat that is cruising through the water at 40 knots per hour. You look from the stern peering down at the water. What you would see in this imaginary scene is the wake, the “V” shape of turbulence in the water left … >>>

READ MORE >>> →

A Driver’s License Story about Responsibility

On August 13, 2013 / Parenting, Responsibility

After using the Raise Responsibility System in their home, a family had an amazing incident with their 15-year-old son. Here is the story in the mother’s own words:

We live on a very large piece of property and my husband was preparing our son for driving by allowing him to drive the firewood truck from one area to another under guidance and supervision. He would also allow our son to move our vehicles around in the driveway. The expectation was always the same: This was a privilege and only possible when my husband was in the vehicle. One day while we were at work, our son decided to drive the car up and down the driveway on his own. The … >>>

READ MORE >>> →