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Studies suggest that smiling makes people appear more attractive, kinder and, by some accounts, easier to remember.

All smiles share something in common: an emotional foundation. Depending upon what the emotion is, the brain sends different instructions to the face. The areas in instigating a polite, or voluntary, smile (the kind exchanged with a bank teller, for example) are not the same ones involved in a more emotional smile (such as the kind that emerges on seeing a loved one or hearing a funny joke).

However, regardless of what prompts a smile, the results are the same. Both you and the recipient are prompted to have good feelings.

Dr. Dale Anderson, M.D. prescribes smiling and even laughing a few minute … >>>

I received the following e-mail the evening after a recent presentation (reproduced with permission):

“I suspended a defiant student earlier in the week and was dreading having him return to my classroom on Friday. After hearing your inspiring talk, I was able to put my arm around him and walk with him while I asked him what we could do to fix the situation. His idea was to write a contract, which I’m not sure is the best solution.

“However, having him give thought to where to go now seemed to lift his self-esteem and help him be more cooperative in my class. I’m sure that it will take me a lot of trial and error to really ‘get it,’ … >>>

We dislike when someone orders or mandates us to do something—or uses some other form of coercion on us. Such actions prompt negative feelings in us. Unfortunately, however, too often we tend to use such approaches with young people.

The essence of the famed psychologist Jean Piaget’s hierarchy of cognitive development is that children’s brains develop at different ages but they—even infants—have similar feelings as adults. Young people smile. They also experience negative feelings of pain, anger, and fear—all of which prompt resentment toward the person who prompted such feelings.

Sharing information and asking reflective questions do not carry the baggage of prompting negative emotions and resentments that coercion and other such approaches carry. These noncoercive approaches not only improve … >>>

This article was sent to me by Paul Leitch of Queensland, Australia. I share it with you with his permission. If you work with young people, this story will be worth reading.

Tom is a seven-year old who came from a family that has a lot of conflict and whose mother was often angry with him. The writer of this experience (hereafter referred to as “I”) asked the teacher what she wanted Tom to learn from an experience where Tom did not follow the rules—but instead took some “Easter eggs” when he was not supposed to.

The teacher said that she wanted Tom to learn to follow the rules. I asked the teacher what did she want Tom to REMEMBER. … >>>

When anyone is sharing a problem, praise acts as a roadblock.

Try this experiment: Next time you are with someone who starts sharing a personal problem with you, send some strong, positive evaluations to the person. Then observe how your praise blocks communication. Listen particularly to the defensive responses you will undoubtedly get. You will see that praise often stops people in their tracks.

People who are unhappy or disappointed with themselves or the way things are going in their lives respond to any kind of positive evaluation as a denial of their true feelings of the moment—which, of course, are far from positive. This explains why praise often provokes such responses as:

“You don’t really understand.”
“You … >>>