Common Questions About Discipline Without Stress

Parents and teachers often ask me questions about Discipline Without Stress, both its methodology and best practices. Following are some of the most common questions I received. I hope they help others in their quest to raise responsible children.

(Q = Question. R = Response)

Q: What would you do in the following scenario: You ask your children/students to identify the level they have chosen but they refuse to be honest and acknowledge the actual level chosen.

R: If the youngster is in the 5th or 6th grade or above, I would NOT ASK. Instead I would say, “Reflect on the level you are choosing, and consider whether you want to continue on that level or rise to a higher level.”

Q: Shouldn’t he behaviors identified with the various levels be clearly spelled out and identified, for example Level A equals behavior X.

R: You would spend too much time doing this. Besides, the behavior in Level C and in Level D can be identical—such as picking up trash because asked by an adult or taking the initiative because it is the right thing to do. The behavior on each of these levels is identical: The trash has been picked up. The difference between Level C and Level D is in the MOTIVATION, not in the behavior.

Have faith in your children. Once you introduce the levels and they understand them, they know when they are acting on an inappropriate level: A or B. After introducing the levels, spend no time differentiating between Level A and Level B; they are both unacceptable.

Q: If they don’t want to admit the facts and recognize what level they’ve chosen, what other recourse is left?

R: The purpose is NOT to determine facts. THE PURPOSE IS TO PROMPT REFLECTION, which so often—just by itself—prompts a change in behavior. Persevere by asking a question, such as “How long do you need to figure out that what you are doing is on an unacceptable level?”

If YOU want to be in charge, YOU ask questions—rather than tell them. Of course, it’s okay to SHARE, such as, “You realize that when you choose Level B, you are telling me that you are not mature enough to act on your own. Do you really want me to boss you?”

I hope these commonly asked questions about Discipline Without Stress help you better understand the methodology and how to implement it. Remember too that you can always use the search bar above to search for information about key ideas and concepts.

More information is available at the Raise Responsibility System.