November 2016

This image displays a rolled up newspaper with the title "Without Stress Newsletter" on it.

Volume 16 Number 11 November 2016
Newsletter #184


  1. Welcome
  2. Reducing Stress
  3. Promoting Responsibility
  4. Increasing Effectiveness
  5. Improving Relationships
  6. Promoting Learning
  7. Parenting Without Stress
  8. Discipline without Stress (DWS)
  9. What People Say



If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.
—Maxwell Maltz


To celebrate the upcoming holidays of gratitude and giving, I have set aside a limited number of books. I am offering both my hard cover education book and my hard cover parenting book at substantial discounts:  the education book of $39.95 for $19.98 and the parenting book of $29.97 for $19.97. Act early before supplies run out: Piper Press.


In last month’s newsletter, I mentioned that I would be starting a “Discipline Without Stress Internet Mastermind Group.” The first meeting was planned for Thursday, November 17 from 7:00 – 8:00 p.m., Pacific Standard Time.

Scheduling and other commitments are preventing my initiating this membership group. However, I still want to service subscribers of Discipline Online. If you are a member and need assistance, login to and click on “Consultations” to fill out a request form. Please include your time zone. If you reside in a country outside of the U.S.A, include that in your email. It is essential to include your membership number in the subject area.

I will personally contact you to ensure your success.


Recently published Without Stress Tips:
37 Stress, Revenge, and Forgiveness
38 Unnecessary Obligations Induce Stress
39 Don’t Stress Errors: Hidden Learning Opportunities
40 Reduce Stress Making Tough Decisions
41 Managing Anger Reduces Stress


If you are an educator, link to my free eBook: “School Announcements: ONE QUESTION A DAY TO PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY.” The printable eBook promotes short, reflective questions prompting young people to become more responsible. Piper Press.

Since creating reflective question takes time, a follow-up book, “180 SCHOOL ANNOUNCEMENTS: ONE QUESTION A DAY TO PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY” will be available before next month’s newsletter. People who have already subscribed to the original version will be informed when the $9.95, 30-page printable eBook is available.

The publication shares reflective questions in the following categories: friendship and kindness, personal responsibility, safety, positivity and mindset, health and wellness, learning, and special events/situations.

Suggestion: Download the free eBook at Piper Press to understand how powerful reflective questions promote responsible behavior. You will then automatically be informed when the new publication is available.


Human brains are wired to connect. Laughter and bad moods are contagious. Yawn in front of someone and watch what happens. Neuroscientists have discovered what are referred to as “mirror neurons.”

When we realize that even trivial interactions can affect a person’s physiology, we have to take it more seriously. For example, scientists can now show by brain imaging and other advanced technologies what we have known intuitively: rejection hurts.

Leaders have a new responsibility based upon what has been obvious and that research now proves. People who want to increase effectiveness in any endeavor need to prompt optimal states of mind. To accomplish this, simply use the Without Stress procedures of positivity, choice, and reflection.


Here is a simple question to ask yourself when speaking to anyone: “Is my countenance, voice tone, and voice volume communicating openness?” Or is it sending the communication, “What you are saying is so loud that I can’t hear your message?”

Test yourself: Imagine yourself being angry and then smile!

Test yourself again: Imagine yourself being angry at someone and attempt to speak in a low volume.

If you want children to believe that you’re really listening to them, kneel down. If they have to look up at you, they’ll be reluctant to share their innermost thoughts because this towering position is threatening. It is challenging for the young to believe you understand them because you’re literally and figuratively not on their level. If you lower yourself so you can view them eye to eye, they’ll share more freely because intuitively they’ll feel that you’re open to seeing things from their perspective.


I received the following communication:

“I have developed an awareness of coercion tactics. Andrea (not her real name) is my problem. She uses coercive tactics on me. Her Dad and I are divorced for that very reason. He is the King of Coercion, and now so is she. What do you suggest when someone is very good at using coercive tactics with you and you are forced to deal with them?”


Keep a few thoughts in mind:

1) You are not “forced.” You do have a responsibility, but so do children—to be responsible and respectful. Review the Levels of Social Development.

When your daughter acts on an unacceptable level (Level A or Level B), she is communicating the message that she is not mature enough to act on an acceptable level and must be bossed to behave. Share the levels of development with her and let her know that the level SHE CHOOSES will determine how you will choose to react to her.

2) Since you have the book, review Chapter 1 on reducing stress. Practice the three principles described in that chapter. After any negative encounter, reflect: “Did I use one of the principles, and if not, how could I have better handled the situation?” Have your daughter read about the Hierarchy of Social (and Personal Development) Development in the book so she will understand how you will handle any irresponsible behavior.

3) Keep in mind that the person who asks the question controls the situation. Review the chapter giving examples of reflective questions. If a question is asked you, respond with a reflective question. Share—but resist any perception that you are telling her what to do.


The title of my recent presentation at the conference of the California Association of School Counselors: “Other Means of Correction: A Proven Method of How to Discipline Without Coercion or Stress”

Description of the session: Learn how internal motivation is used to control impulses, empower to reduce negative peer influence, and have young people of any age WANT to become more responsible. Free materials are available from the charity.

The most common comments from the participants:
• Loved the presentation!
• Would love a copy o this presentation
• Actually Awesome!
• The Doc rocks
• Amazing!
• Excellent! I wish it could have been longer.
• Positive and empowering
• Great presentation!
• Very entertaining!
• Changed my perspective
• This is the second time I have had the honor of listening to Dr. Marshall. I have 2 of his books.


I invited Dr. Marvin Marshall to speak at our May meeting of the Los Angeles Unified Assistant Principals Secondary Counseling Services. I asked him to address topics of behavior, special education, social aspects, and bullying. He addressed all of these along with many ideas and procedures that gave us much to reflect upon. On a personal level, I was so impressed that I purchased both his education and parenting books.

Karen Fattal,
President, APSCO
Los Angeles Unified School District






Copyright © 2016 Marvin Marshall.

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