Many of us try, unsuccessfully, to change people. Whether we want our partner to be more loving or our kids to be more responsible, we waste precious time trying to force the other person to change. The fact is that, no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot change another person.
Does this mean that people will never change? That the way someone is now is how they’ll be for the rest of their life? Of course not. But change does not happen by you forcing it. Rather, people often change based on your expectations for them. So in a sense, the way you change people is to influence them to want to make a change on their own.… >>> READ MORE >>> →
Chances are that at one point you’ve attempted to change another person. We’ve all done it. Unfortunately, most people try to prompt change in others the wrong way.
Dr. William Glasser, the originator of “Reality Therapy” and “Choice Theory,” believed that attempts to change others by using “external control psychology” (including the common approaches of imposing punishments or rewarding to control) are eventually doomed to fail. He referred to such “external approaches” as the “seven deadly habits.” He listed them as: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control.
To prove his point, just respond to the following:
- How do you feel when someone criticizes you?
- How do you feel when someone blames you?
- How do you feel
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
The opening paragraph of my book, Discipline Without Stress, deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be responsible and WANT to learn.
The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield– coauthor with Mark Victor Hansen of The Aladdin Factor and the Chicken Soup series) gives students an experience of the power of imagery for both behavior and learning.
Students will need as much room as they would have in an aerobics class. Divide the class in two groups, A and B.
Say the following to group A:READ MORE >>> →
I want you to close your eyes and imagine in your mind … >>>
How many times have you said to a misbehaving student or child, “Why did you do that?” You may have even put the child in a time-out so they could think about their answer. While knowing the cause of a behavior may be interesting, in reality it has little to do with changing behavior to become more responsible.
All people—even children—know when they act inappropriately, but KNOWING the motivation does not stop behavior, nor does it lead to a change in future behavior. This realization is in direct opposition to many discipline approaches aimed at determining the cause of a behavior—with the assumption that knowing the cause is necessary to change the behavior. Therefore, relying on discipline techniques that force … >>> READ MORE >>> →
Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “The human mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” When young people learn about the Hierarchy of Social Development and the various levels, they become more aware of social responsibilities and their relationships with others.
Of course, knowing the hierarchy is one thing. Using it daily is another. Evaluating one’s own behavior can be so challenging and threatening that it is often avoided. So if you want children to effectively use the hierarchy, you can influence them to do so by starting with yourself. Reflecting on the different levels involves engaging in self-evaluation—the type of activity that prompts motivation to change in a non-threatening way, which is a major reason for … >>> READ MORE >>> →