What we think and say becomes our habit. When our self-talk is negative, we have a tendency to communicate with others in a negative way. This is particularly true with our children. So often when we want our children to change, we attempt to influence them by using negative communications rather than positive ones that would actually prompt them to want to do what we would like. Even the worst salesperson knows enough not to make the customer angry. Yet, because we allow our emotions to direct us, we often ignore this commonsense approach and send negative messages. You can easily tell if your communications are sending negative messages if what you say blames, complains, criticizes, nags, punishes, or threatens.
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When young people perform academic-type tasks and are corrected before obtaining feelings of empowerment or success, they become candidates for discouragement. A friend of mine related an incident that occurred at the birthday party of his young daughter. After his daughter opened a present he had just given her, my friend asked, cajoled, and finally coerced his daughter into sharing her new toy with the other children. It is hard for a child to share or open to others that which the child does not yet “own.” The same principle holds true in learning. Young people need to feel some degree of ownership or success in performing a task—or have a feeling that they are capable of it—before correction becomes
READ MORE >>> →If you ask someone the key to success in real estate, they’ll tell you, “Location, location, location.” In the field of education, a critical component of the superior teacher is “Expectation, expectation, expectation.” We can see evidence of this in Rainier Scholars located in Seattle, Washington. Founded by Robert Hurlbut, Ranier Scholars is a project for low-income students. It recruits 5th graders who are highly motivated and has them attend full-time summer school plus weekend classes. The goal is to shepherd them through college graduation. Drego Little, one of the teachers, says that he visualizes his young students as future doctors, city councilmen, and other responsible, successful grownups. He explains, “I treat them as if they are going to be
READ MORE >>> →Attitude is the mind’s paintbrush; it can color any situation. The teacher who says, “This is a very important test. Be careful,” paints a negative picture that shakes confidence. Saying, “This is a very important test and I know you can handle it and do well,” paints a positive picture. Which would you rather hear when you walk into a restaurant: “I can’t seat you for thirty minutes” or “In thirty minutes I will have a wonderful table for you”? The result is the same, but the perception is different. The child who wets his bed conjures up one image when the parent says, “Don’t wet your bed tonight” and a completely different picture when the youngster hears, “Let’s see
READ MORE >>> →The best story I have heard about the confusion between cause and effect was from my days as an economics major. The story that Frank Knight of the University of Chicago told came from Alfred Radcliffe-Brown, a social anthropologist. Here’s how it goes: Many years ago, a group of missionaries in the eastern part of Africa decided to teach the natives better farming methods. They concluded that the way to do it rapidly was to get a promising young man from each tribe, teach him the needed farming skills, and then send him back to practice the better methods, whereupon the entire tribe would follow the example. One of the young men selected went back to his tribe in Portuguese, East Africa.
READ MORE >>> →School has started in many areas (and will start very soon everywhere else). This is the time of year when Dr. Marshall gets many questions from teachers and parents about homework—specifically how to handle a child who simply refuses to do homework. Many times the question comes in after the adult has asked the child reflective questions and has spoken to him/her positively about the matter. Often, the youth is also well aware of the various levels of The Hierarchy of Social Development and knows where his/her behavior falls when refusing to do the homework. So what’s the solution? According to Dr. Marshall, no one can force another person to learn. The person needs to be motivated. If there is no
READ MORE >>> →Be cautious of “Why?” questions. Asking, “Why?” is one of the most frequently used and ineffective questions. It not only has an accusatory overtone, but it also blocks communications because it prompts negative feelings. Let’s prove the point. Say the following question aloud so you can hear yourself: “Why are you doing that?” Notice that when you asked this question, your voice pitch rose higher and your volume increased. Also, notice the effect on your emotions when you asked, this “Why?” question. Now, say the following aloud so you can hear yourself: “What do you think we should do now?” Notice that the emotional aspect was reduced because the aim was toward a resolution rather than on the cause. The
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 12 Number 8
#3 Multi-tasking and effectiveness
#6 Parenting and limiting Internet time
#7 Using the discipline book with secondary students
Here is a better approach than relying on rules. Relying on classroom rules is a mistake-even though it is common practice. When I returned to the classroom after 24 years as an elementary, middle, and high school principal and district director of education, I quickly discovered how rules hindered good relationships and effective discipline. I found myself coming to school everyday wearing a blue uniform with copper buttons. I had become a cop-rather than a facilitator of learning, a role model, a mentor, a coach. The reason is simple: If a student breaks a rule, our tendency is to enforce the rule. This is a natural thought process because the assumption is that if the rule is not enforced, people
READ MORE >>> →Next week, school starts in our area. As a parent, I’m looking forward to going back to the familiar school-day routine. This year, though, it will be a little different. School will be starting a half hour earlier, which means everyone—including mom and dad—will have to wake up earlier, learn a new morning routine, and be out the door sooner than we’ve had to for the past three years. While a half hour may not seem like much, when that half hour falls before sunrise (and when you’re trying to get a first-grader and preschooler out of bed) a half hour is a big deal. To make it easier on the first day of school, our family has been using
READ MORE >>> →“Discipline and Parenting without Stress” is so successful because it is based on intrinsic motivation. The validity of intrinsic motivation was highlighted, yet again, in a recent Parade Magazine article by Anne Murphy Paul, in which the following question was posed: “Your son just started music lessons. To motivate himself to practice, he should: (a) Promise himself a favorite video game if he completes his practice schedule.(b) Choose pieces of music that he enjoys playing. Answer: (b) As fun as that game sounds, research demonstrates we’re most engaged in learning when our motivation is intrinsic—stemming from the task itself rather than some external reward. Every study on motivation demonstrates this truth. Yet, somehow, much of education and parenting use external approaches, such as
READ MORE >>> →An understanding of each distinctive concept is essential for effective teaching. “The Brilliant Inventiveness of Student Misbehavior: Test Your Classroom Management Skills” was the title of an article in a well-respected educational journal. The article had some good suggestions. However, there was a glaring misnaming in that the article had nothing to do with classroom management. The article was entirely about discipline. Confused? So are many educators—even college professors. When speaking at an international conference on character education, a college professor said to me, “I don’t like the word ‘discipline’; it’s too harsh, so I use the term ‘classroom management’ instead.” This teacher of teachers had not a clue as to the differences. I was honored as the Distinguished Lecturer
READ MORE >>> →This is an explanation of how to have students want to do quality work. Joy is ever changing. What is thrilling at one age is infantile at another. The joy of sharing, so prevalent at a young age, gives way at a later age to the satisfaction of doing something well. With older students, joy that comes from learning is not necessarily accompanied by joyful sounds or even smiling faces. It is often manifest in a more serious expression like that of the scholar so engrossed in the activity as to be oblivious of surroundings. Most teachers have experienced this joy of learning, and they want to pass it on to their students. Focusing on quality is a natural approach
READ MORE >>> →Competition increases performance but hinders much learning. COMPETITION One needs to look no further than the business or sports section of any newspaper to see the pervasiveness of competition. There is no doubt that competition increases performance. Athletic teams, bands, and other performing groups practice for hours spurred on by the competitive spirit. Fair competition is valuable and can be lots of fun. Competition in classrooms, however, is fun for the winner but is often unfair for the others because the same children usually win, making it uninvolving and dull for others. If a student rarely finds himself in the winner’s circle, then competitive approaches kill the drive for learning. Think of it this way. People compete because they want
READ MORE >>> →This is lesson from George Orwell. Eric Arthur Blair, better known by his pen name George Orwell, wrote one of the most popular 20th century English novels in 1949 entitled, Nineteen Eighty-Four (35 years in the future). The appendix in the book was referred to as “The Newspeak Appendix” and it described a new language, the purpose of which was to control thought. Orwell showed how language affects the brain, the mind (thought), and behavior. A Newspeak root word served as both a noun and a verb, thereby reducing the total number of words in the language. For example, “think” is both a noun and verb, so the word thought is not required and could be abolished. Newspeak was also
READ MORE >>> →Using a butterfly analogy easily explains the Hierarchy of Social Development. A major problem in learning occurs when students exhibit inappropriate behavior during a lesson. The usual approach in working with the youth in question is to refer to the irresponsible behavior. This approach oftentimes leads to an escalation of anxious feelings on the part of both the teacher and student. The reason is that anyone, regardless of age, finds it extremely difficult to separate oneself from one’s behavior. You can prove this to yourself by reflecting on your last evaluation. Was your self-talk something like, “Well, my evaluator is not talking about me-just my job performance”? If you didn’t separate yourself from your performance, how can we expect a
READ MORE >>> →Exercise boosts brainpower and longevity. Improvement in learning can come from three sources. The first relates to diet. The second relates to sleep. The third is exercise, the subject of this article. The brain represents only about two percent of most people’s body weight, yet it accounts for about 20 percent of the body’s total energy usage. In addition to its reliance on energy, the brain relies on oxygen, and exercise provides the body greater access to oxygen. When you understand the biology of exercise, your chances of influencing yourself and your students towards this direction will be enhanced. One of the greatest predictors of successful living, working, and aging-both mentally and physically-is the absence of a sedentary life style.
READ MORE >>> →The brain evolved to use light and darkness wisely. Acquire information by day; process it at night. The effects of sleep on learning and memory are impressive. Recent discoveries show that sleep facilitates the active analysis of new memories, allows the brain to solve problems, and infer new information. The “sleeping brain” may also be selectively reinforcing the more difficult aspects of a newly learned task. We may be able to get by on six hours sleep, but if we want to optimize learning and memory, then closer to eight hours is better. Only with more than six hours of sleep does performance improve over the 24 hours following the learning session, according to researchers Robert Stickgold of Harvard University
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