We know that when stress overcomes us, choices seem limited—thereby decreasing effectiveness. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction: learned helplessness. This phenomenon has been studied in laboratory rodents whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans. Here is how one experiment works. If you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the tone—despite
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Here is an example of how choice can be used to redirect an impulse towards more responsible behavior—even with a very young child. It is part of a communication from a friend. "I marvel at what my grandson understands and how he manages to communicate. The other night the parents went to dinner, and he started to cry real tears and scream. "I picked him up and gave him a hug and proceeded to explain to him that mommy and daddy went to dinner and they would soon come back. Then I asked him if he wanted to keep on crying until they returned or play with his trains. The tears shut off like a switch! He loves Thomas the
READ MORE >>> →I received the following e-mail the evening after a recent presentation (reproduced with permission): “I suspended a defiant student earlier in the week and was dreading having him return to my classroom on Friday. After hearing your inspiring talk, I was able to put my arm around him and walk with him while I asked him what we could do to fix the situation. His idea was to write a contract, which I’m not sure is the best solution. “However, having him give thought to where to go now seemed to lift his self-esteem and help him be more cooperative in my class. I’m sure that it will take me a lot of trial and error to really ‘get it,’
READ MORE >>> →The following story is about Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS). We know that rewarding fosters competition to see who gets the most number of rewards. We also know that using rewards as incentives to young people fosters feelings of punishments to those in school who believe they should have received a reward, but didn’t. The comment below posted at the mailring describes how external manipulators (giving rewards as reinforcers) do not do what adults would like them to do, namely, transfer the desired motivation. I have a cute story about rewards in the classroom. I teach first grade, and sometimes just getting the kids to remember their folders and to sharpen pencils is a chore. I usually start out the
READ MORE >>> →One of the attributes I share is the promotion of the basic characteristic of any character education program: responsibility. George Washington and many of the other USA’s founding fathers focused on how one could improve oneself as the first criterion to influence others. “The Rules of Civility,” the etiquette planner that Washington copied as a teenager, begins with the following admonition: “Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those who are present.” Perhaps the concept of appropriate should be revisited. Examples abound: wearing casual clothing in private vs. in public places such as houses of worship, using certain language in private vs. in public, and doing what comes naturally in private or
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: Some of my youngsters are struggling with the word “anarchy.” How can I explain what it means in a simple way? DR. MARSHALL’S RESPONSE: Remember that young people’s brains are like sponges. They can absorb anything. The trick is to make meaning of what is absorbed. This will enhance learning and memory. For older children: Break “an/archy” up by teaching that the prefix “an” means “not,” “without,” or “lacking”– in this case, “without rule.” Compare this with other prefixes such as “mono,” which means “one,” and “olig” which means “a few.” Explain that: • Monarchy is rule by one person (like a king). • Oligarchy means rule by a few people. • Anarchy means that there is no leader,
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: I am confused about the specifics of the Discipline without Stress Hierarchy. I need concrete examples of behaviors for each level so that I can correctly explain them to my students. RESPONSE: Below are some examples of behaviors on each of the four levels as well as the most important understandings to convey to your students. Level A – Anarchy • displaying out-of-control behavior of any type • showing a complete lack of concern for the feelings of others • destroying or vandalizing property intentionally • stealing • putting oneself or others in danger Behavior on this lowest level is always unacceptable. Students should understand that by choosing to act on Level A, they are automatically inviting the use
READ MORE >>> →We dislike when someone orders or mandates us to do something—or uses some other form of coercion on us. Such actions prompt negative feelings in us. Unfortunately, however, too often we tend to use such approaches with young people. The essence of the famed psychologist Jean Piaget’s hierarchy of cognitive development is that children’s brains develop at different ages but they—even infants—have similar feelings as adults. Young people smile. They also experience negative feelings of pain, anger, and fear—all of which prompt resentment toward the person who prompted such feelings. Sharing information and asking reflective questions do not carry the baggage of prompting negative emotions and resentments that coercion and other such approaches carry. These noncoercive approaches not only improve
READ MORE >>> →You will notice that when you smile at someone, the "imitation response" that neuroscientists have discovered prompts a natural tendency for the other person to smile back. This phenomenon indicates that the face is an enormously rich source of information about emotion. In fact, our face is not just a signal of what is going on in our mind; in a certain sense, it IS what is going on in our mind. The expression on our face is sufficient to create a marked change in the autonomic nervous system. You can prove this to yourself by thinking of a sad thought. With that thought still in your mind, look up at the ceiling and smile. Then try to keep that
READ MORE >>> →This article was sent to me by Paul Leitch of Queensland, Australia. I share it with you with his permission. If you work with young people, this story will be worth reading. Tom is a seven-year old who came from a family that has a lot of conflict and whose mother was often angry with him. The writer of this experience (hereafter referred to as “I”) asked the teacher what she wanted Tom to learn from an experience where Tom did not follow the rules—but instead took some “Easter eggs” when he was not supposed to. The teacher said that she wanted Tom to learn to follow the rules. I asked the teacher what did she want Tom to REMEMBER.
READ MORE >>> →In times past, initiative and perseverance were characteristics parents actively promoted. parents thought twice before doing things for young people that the youngsters could do for themselves. We can promote initiative and perseverance, which are part and parcel of responsibility, by asking ourselves, "If I do this for the youngster when I know that the youngster is capable, will I be depriving that person of an opportunity for growth?" If YOU want to grow, do it YOURSELF. If you want the other people to grow, don't do those things for them that they can do themselves.
READ MORE >>> →A reader wrote me indicating that knowing the reason for a person’s action is important and can assist in such problems as homework. I shared my response below. Many psychologists and therapists believe that knowing the “why” for a behavior is important. However, Dr. William Glasser, an internationally renowned psychiatrist and the author of “Choice Theory,” advocates that knowing the reason for a behavior may be of interest but, in most cases, has little to do with actually changing behavior. Change requires forming new neural connections. This requires new thinking and new behavior—rather than revisiting old memories. An example of a student’s being non-compliant about doing homework was related in the communication to me. The student was diabetic, and giving
READ MORE >>> →Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS) or just Positive Behavior Support (PBS) is finding increasing use in the U.S.A. The approach was established by the Office of Special Education Programs in the U.S. Department of Education for students having severe disabilities who engaged in extreme forms of self-injury and aggression. A basic rationale of PBS is that it is necessary to understand the “why” of a behavioral problem in order to “fix” the behavior. However, it is nearly impossible to articulate with certainty the underlying reasons for behavior. And even more important, although finding the rationale or reason for a behavior may be interesting, it has no effect on changing the behavior. My personal life attests to this little acknowledged fact.
READ MORE >>> →Although competition is a marvelous motivator to increase performance, collaboration increases student learning. This is especially the case with young people who feel that they never stand in the winner’s circle. A prime reason is that the number of winners in competition is severely restricted—usually to one. This means that competition produces more losers than winners. A case in point is the annual celebration in the U.S.A. of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday and legacy that features a Martin Luther King, Jr. essay writing contest. Where is the wisdom in turning children into essay writing losers in the name of Dr. King? When did Dr. King ever stand to make anybody a loser? I suggest he never did. An
READ MORE >>> →When anyone is sharing a problem, praise acts as a roadblock. Try this experiment: Next time you are with someone who starts sharing a personal problem with you, send some strong, positive evaluations to the person. Then observe how your praise blocks communication. Listen particularly to the defensive responses you will undoubtedly get. You will see that praise often stops people in their tracks. People who are unhappy or disappointed with themselves or the way things are going in their lives respond to any kind of positive evaluation as a denial of their true feelings of the moment—which, of course, are far from positive. This explains why praise often provokes such responses as: “You don’t really understand.” “You wouldn’t say
READ MORE >>> →In addition to asking reflective questions to improve one’s effectiveness, listening also helps. Specifically, in order to understand the other person’s problem, you not only need to ask the right questions, you need to listen to the response. Such was the case with a farmer and his horse, dog, and wagon full of grain traveling along the highway. They were struck head-on by a car. The incident caused the farmer severe injuries. When the case came to court, the lawyer defending the man driving the car asked the farmer, “Isn’t it true that immediately after the accident a passer-by came over to you and asked how you felt?” “Yes, I remember that,” replied the farmer. “And didn’t you tell him
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 7 Number 12
#2 Working with a very difficult student
#3 How our thinking controls how we feel
#5 How educational visions are counter-productive
Implementing the three practices of positivity, choice, and reflection may feel awkward at first. This is natural. Unlike youth, who find little risk in attempting new activities, adults have established patterns and often feel anxious and uncomfortable when attempting something different from what they have already been doing. Realizing this at the outset will make it easier to attempt something new. Doing something new or different requires making new habits, new neural connections. Practice makes permanent, and you will soon find that practicing the simple suggestions will become easier. Think of a rocket or a space mission. Most of the energy, most of the thrust, has to do with breaking away—to surge past the gravitational pull. Once you get past
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