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STRESS MANAGEMENT for Living, Teaching, & Parenting

Effectiveness

How to Stop Classroom Disruptions

On August 28, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

A teacher who practices the Discipline Without Stress methodology recently told me about an interaction in her classroom and wondered how she could improve. Here’s what happened.

She explained that she has a few children in her class who persist in behaving at Level B, even after she has “checked for understanding” and has proceeded with “guided choices.” On the day we spoke, she said that she had told one of her students who hit another child, “I want you to stay in our classroom, but if you act on Level B again, you are telling me that you want to keep on making your own rules for the class.” The child’s behavior did not improve, so she was struggling … >>>

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Discipline and the Strong-Willed Child

On August 26, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

A parent recently contacted me asking for advice. She said that her first grade daughter got in trouble at school (on the very first day of class) because the child is very strong-willed and refused to obey her teacher. Since the teacher was not using the Raise Responsibility System, she naturally resorted to traditional and punitive discipline techniques, which only resulted in the child declaring that she hated school and her teacher. This was not a good start to the school year for sure!

Here’s what I told the parent:

“Explain to the teacher that your daughter is extremely independent and that the teacher will have more success—and reduce stress on everyone’s part—if the teacher aims at EMPOWERING your daughter, … >>>

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Improve Children’s Attitude Toward School

On August 21, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Many parents lament that their children’s attitude about school is that they only want to get by with the minimum. Even if the youth does the assigned homework, they often forget to turn it in. Their teachers often report that these are intelligent children, yet they are not doing well in their studies. Does this sound familiar? What’s a parent to do?

When I talk to these parents, I often point out that the problem lies in the fact that the adult is trying to control the youngster. By them not doing what the adults tell them, the youth are exercising control and power. Realize that they won’t change if the parents keep telling them what to do, no matter … >>>

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Thinking, Beliefs, and Learning

On August 14, 2014 / Effectiveness, Learning

I often write and talk about helping students avoid victimhood-thinking. But it’s equally important for teachers to avoid the victimization mentality as well. Thinking like a victim is toxically disempowering. Empowerment is so much more effective. And even if it were not, you would still be happier in an empowerment mode than in a victimhood mode.

While many teachers believe that they do avoid such negative thinking, one recent staff discussion demonstrated that a change in mindset would be required for some teachers to leave the victimhood realm. Believing that learning is prohibited because students come from unstructured homes, from poverty, or have some other situation that cannot be changed is a mindset of victimhood thinking—ON THE PART OF THE … >>>

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Make the School Year Happy, not Stressful

On August 12, 2014 / Effectiveness

Teaching consistently ranks as one of the top 20 most stressful professions. And too much stress in anyone’s life makes happiness hard to maintain.

But the fact is that as a teacher, you have a responsibility to yourself to think and participate in those activities that bring you a fulfilled life—one that brings you happiness. Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish-American writer wrote, “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”

Here are a few thoughts that may assist in this most important endeavor.

What is important is how FREQUENTLY, not how intensely, you are happy. The thrills of winning in Las Vegas, an intense joy of a personal encounter, or having a peak of … >>>

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How to Make a Difference in a Child’s Life

On August 7, 2014 / Effectiveness, Relationships

I’ve seen the following message circulate over the years. As so many teachers and parents are spending the next few weeks preparing for another school year, I thought this would be a good time to share this wonderful reminder about what it really takes to make a difference in someone’s life.

Recall the following:

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name five people who have won a Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half-dozen Academy Award winners for best actor (female and male).
6. Name five of the last decade’s World Series winners.

How did … >>>

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Encouragement, Empowerment, and Likability

On July 24, 2014 / Effectiveness

We all want to be liked—teachers are no different. Unfortunately, one of the major mistakes many new teachers make is attempting to have their students like them by befriending them. This often takes the form of encouraging students to call them by their given name rather than by their surname, and generally to place themselves on the same level as their students.

Certainly, teachers should be friendly, but friendship is not the way to build likability—nor is it the building block young people need. Encouragement and empowerment are the essentials, as they also lead to increased self-discipline.

I recall the story of a first grader who did not learn how to read and had to repeat the first grade. At … >>>

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Success and Positivity

On July 22, 2014 / Effectiveness, Learning

Human nature is based on a deficit model—to fix what is wrong. In a very real sense, our attention is geared at fixing others.

For example, after a meeting with teachers, the student said to his mother, “Why didn’t they talk more about my social studies—what I am good at instead of what I am not good at? All they want to do is fix what is wrong with me.”

The mother responded by saying, “They are trying to help you.”

The student retorted, “No, they are trying to fix me.”

Such are the perceptions of the parent and child. What should it be for the teacher? The answer lies in the question, “What optimizes learning?”

Great teachers know that … >>>

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Positivity Builds Self-Esteem

On July 15, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Self-esteem is a person’s sense of self-worth and is manifested in large part by a person’s self-talk. One of the advantages researchers report about positive self-talk is that it encourages persistence—a key characteristic for success.

Negative self-talk creates a negative mindset that can lead to avoiding failure rather than reaching for success.

The more young people are encouraged and are talked to in positive ways the greater chances are for their own self-talk to be positive, which will greatly reduce discipline issues. As a teacher or parent, you have a tremendous opportunity to promote positive self-talk in young people. If you’re dealing with a child who is at-risk and needing frequent discipline, realize that these youth focus more on the … >>>

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Discipline and Fairness

On July 10, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Maintaining order in your classroom or your home is critical. As you do so, though, never forget this basic truth about discipline: Children do not mind a tough teacher (or parent) but they despise an unfair one.

Being unfair can run the gamut from imposing a harsh punishment one day and a lenient one the next, or not giving a reward for something even though the same behavior earned a reward last week. Once children view you as unfair, you’ve lost them.

This is why when it comes to discipline situations, imposed punishments simply don’t work. There’s no way to be consistent or fair with such measures. In fact, imposing the same consequence on all students/children is the least fair … >>>

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Recess and Discipline

On July 8, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning

I recently read an article in The Atlantic about teaching in Finland. In the piece, an American teacher in Helsinki questioned the national practice of giving 15 minute breaks each hour—until he saw the difference it made in his classroom.

In Finland, teachers send kids outside—rain or shine—for a 15-minute break after every 45 minutes of teaching. And the children get to decide how they spend their break times. There are no teacher-led activities or expected things to do during recess. Usually, teachers take turns—two at a time—supervising the playground during these 15-minute stints.

To Americans, this approach sounds too soft—too lazy. But as this teacher in Helsinki noted, “My students in the States had always seemed to drag their … >>>

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Discipline and Tenure

On July 3, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

The Los Angeles Times reported on July 1, 2014 that, according to a poll conducted by a Stanford-based research center and the University of Southern California’s Rossier School of Education, California parents support weakening teacher job protections that were the subject of a high profile trial in Los Angeles. The lawsuit (which is on appeal) overturned teacher tenure laws that made it difficult to remove ineffective teachers, many of whom were assigned to poor and minority schools.

One of the main challenges is that many new teachers are assigned to schools with large minority populations, and these new teachers have not had proper training in classroom management, discipline, or how to handle behavior problems. For example, new teachers are taught … >>>

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Common Core Losing Support Among California Voters

On July 1, 2014 / Effectiveness, Learning, Responsibility

According to the annual PACE/USC Rossier School of Education poll, which questioned more than 1,000 California voters, residents of the state are having second thoughts about the Common Core State Standards.

The poll revealed that only 32 percent of respondents supported the implementation of the Common Core Standards, while 42 percent opposed it. What’s interesting is that these numbers are a complete reversal from last year’s findings, showing that voters are changing their minds about the validity of the Common Core Standards.

As we’ve all heard, the Common Core Standards set expectations for deeper learning by grade level; however, as I’ve written extensively in my blogs, mandating learning objectives nationwide is not the way to improve student performance. If students … >>>

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Washington D.C. Suspends Using Test Scores for Teacher Evaluations

On June 24, 2014 / Effectiveness, Learning

Chancellor Kaya Henderson, head the of the District of Columbia public school system, recently announced that the district would suspend the practice of using student test scores to evaluate teacher performance while students adjust to new tests based on the Common Core standards.

The District of Columbia public school system was one of the first in the country to evaluate teachers using student test scores. My hope is that others districts around the country will follow the district’s recent move, and that they will ultimately realize that evaluating teachers based on student test scores is an invalid measure of teacher performance.

Chancellor Henderson went on to say that it wouldn’t be fair to use the new tests until a baseline … >>>

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Rewards Lead to Increased Discipline Issues

On June 19, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Have you ever noticed that the more behavior problems a child has, the more “rewards” they ultimately end up with? This may sound odd, because they certainly end up with a larger share of negative consequences too, but in reality, they get more rewards.

A child who always does the right thing does not need a reward to coerce them to be cooperative, but the kids who don’t behave get one. In fact, in some classrooms misbehaving children get stickers (or some other tangible item) every 15 minutes or so. What must the behaving kids think?

And while it’s nice to think that the children who have developed self-discipline understand that others sometimes need rewards, that is simply not true. … >>>

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Consulting, Discipline, and Relationships

On June 17, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

When most people think of “consulting,” they envision a business scenario—something very corporate. But did you know that consulting can help on a personal level too, especially in terms of discipline and relationships?

After recently presenting to a number businesses, schools, and parent groups and listening to so many complaints, I feel an obligation to offer a consulting service to teachers, parents, and/or leaders in any occupation or industry who would like to reduce stress, promote responsible behavior, improve relationships, promote learning, and/or receive more joy in parenting.

Think of this as a way to tap into my years of wisdom on a one-to-to level and get customized advice and strategies based on your unique situation. Do you have a … >>>

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Discipline and Visiting Children

On June 12, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Sometimes you may have children in your care for only a short period of time, such as when substitute teaching or when you have children visiting your home. When you are with children for just short bursts of time, is it possible to utilize the Discipline Without Stress approach to make your time together easier and less stressful?

The answer is “yes.” While you may not have time to go over the hierarchy and the various levels of behavior, you can decide to make it a habit to use the three principles of POSITIVITY, CHOICE, and REFLECTION in all your interactions.

1. You can phrase your communications positively.
For example, if you’re subbing, you can begin the class with a … >>>

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Thoughts on Summer

On June 5, 2014 / Effectiveness

This week and next, many teachers and students across the country are starting their summer break. No matter what your summer plans are, here are some wonderful quotes about the season. Enjoy them as you bask in the summer sun.

“A life without love is like a year without summer.”
–Swedish Proverb

“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.”
–James Dent

“A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.”
–St. Francis of Assisi

“Be like the flower—turn your face to the sun.”
–Kahlil Gibran

“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
–Sam Keen

“I wonder what it would be like to … >>>

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