Effectiveness

Discipline and Motivation

On May 28, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

I spent the majority of Memorial Day at the neighborhood pool with my family. One family there consisted of a father, a young three-year-old boy, and the grandmother. The boy vehemently did not want to go into the water. Every time his father tried to get him in the pool, the boy shrieked and cried.

Frustrated, the father picked the boy up, forcibly put him in the water, and said, “You’re going in the pool whether you like it or not.” The boy cried and ran out of the water.

The father tried to calm down and bribe the boy, “Look, we’re here for you. So if you get in the pool, we’ll go out for a treat afterwards.” The … >>>

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Ben Carson, Discipline, and His Mother’s Influence

On May 27, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Ben Carson is an American neurosurgeon and the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital. He is also a professor of neurosurgery, oncology, plastic surgery, and pediatrics, and is the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University.  Among other surgical innovations, he did pioneering work on the successful separation of conjoined twins joined at the head.

In 2008, Dr. Carson was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States, by President George W. Bush.

As a youngster, Ben struggled academically throughout elementary school and emotionally with his temper. He was constantly in trouble.

What turned this avid television-watching youngster around? The answer: discipline and reflection leading to motivation.

First, his mother reduced … >>>

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Are You a Goat or a Tiger?

On May 23, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

Consider the Asian fable about the little tiger orphaned immediately after birth, raised by a friendly herd of goats. The little tiger played with the goat kids, drank milk from the nanny goat, and slept secure in the goat’s cave. Quite naturally, the little fellow came to think of himself as a goat. He did his best to discipline himself and even bleat like a goat. He tried to cultivate a taste for grass and paper.

One day a huge Bengal tiger came bounding into the clearing where the little tiger was playing with the goats. As the tiger roared, the goats ran for cover. The little tiger was the only “goat” who didn’t race away. Instead, he felt strangely … >>>

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Why Programs Can’t Fix Discipline Problems

On May 22, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Every few years a new program aimed at improving behavior and learning while reducing discipline problems is introduced and becomes the silver bullet for “fixing” schools. For example, at one time open classrooms were the magic cure-all. Next, large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the “fix” for high schools. Then “Teaching by Objectives” was the rage. Where are these programs now?

A current fashion is Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support (PBIS or PBS), based on the old Skinnerian erroneous premise that rewarding desired behavior externally is the most effective way to reinforce the behavior and cure discipline issues. PBIS is an outgrowth of working with students who have special needs and where something tangible … >>>

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Using a Mental Foxhole for Self-Discipline

On May 21, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

During the last days of World War II someone commented to President Harry Truman that he appeared to bear up under the stress and strain of the presidency better than any previous president, that the job did not appear to have aged him or sap his vitality, and that this was remarkable—especially in view of the many problems he faced as a wartime president.

His response was, “I have a foxhole in my mind.” President Truman mentioned that he was able to go inside his own imagination to escape stress and to relax.

In essence, the president created a “theatre in his mind” where he went when he wanted to leave … >>>

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Parents and Role-Modeling

On May 15, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

The parent is the first teacher—and the most influential. In fact, you cannot help but teach because you are always modeling, whether you like it or not. And children are perceptive. They pick up everything you model, not just the good. Consider this example:

Every morning a father drove his three-year-old daughter to preschool. One day, the father was away at a conference and the mother drove the girl. The youngster, sitting next to her mother, could hardly see over the dashboard and asked, “Mommy, where are all of the bastards today?”

The mother replied, “I don’t know, honey. I guess they’re only out when your father drives.”

Every second of every day you are modeling something to children. What … >>>

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Paint Verbal Pictures for Better Discipline

On May 7, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

The old saying, “A picture is worth 1,000 words,” is so true, especially when it comes to discipline.

Let me give you an example of ineffective discipline.

I was in an airport, and there was a gate agent standing at the gate. A small child was standing near the entrance. The gate agent looked down at the child and said, “Don’t go down the ramp.”

Guess where the kid went? You are right! Just a few moments after the gate agent finished his sentence, the kid went down the ramp.

Why do kids always seem to do what you tell them not to do? It’s because the brain thinks in pictures, … >>>

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Asking Is The Key

On May 3, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

One of the key ideas I suggest people write down during my seminars is this: “The person who asks the question controls the conversation” or “The person who asks the question controls the situation.”

Let me demonstrate to you how this works. You walk into the store and the salesperson asks, “How are you today?”

Isn’t there a natural tendency to answer?

Here is another situation. A friend with whom you are talking suddenly asks you a question. Do you stop and answer the question or do you continue with your monologue? Chances are you stop and answer the friend’s question.

If you want to discipline a student or child, you … >>>

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PBIS and DWS

On April 30, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning, Responsibility  

When I presented seminars last week in Phoenix, Arizona; Denver, Colorado; Billings, Montana; Salt Lake City, Utah; and Portland, Oregon, many teachers told me that they were mandated to implement Positive Intervention Behavior and Supports (PBIS).

The question then is, “How can you use Discipline without Stress while at the same time implementing PBIS?”

The answer is as follows. First, there is nothing in PBIS that mandates the teacher must give the rewards. Have the students perform the task of handing out rewards. When the task is delegated to students, they soon realize how unfair it is to reward some students who do what the teacher desires but not reward … >>>

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One Phrase to Teach Patience to Children

On April 29, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

As any parent knows, youngsters are impetuous. They want to know an answer immediately. At any given moment, one child wants one thing and another child wants something else. It’s a constant pull for your attention, and few children have the patience to wait for an answer.

To get what they want, children often try to back you into a corner with non-stop questions (often the same one repeated over and over). When this happens to you, give your children your stock answer: “If you need to know right now, the answer is, ‘Not yet!’ But if I can think about it for a while, I might consider saying, ‘Yes.’”

Their usual response will sound something like, “Take all the … >>>

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The Importance of Manners in the Classroom

On April 24, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Edmund Burke, the 18th century British statesman, said that manners are more important than laws. According to George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright, “Without good manners human society becomes intolerable and impossible.” Manners are what make civilization civil. Hal Urban, author of Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things I Want My Kids to Know, suggests holding discussions on manners.

Following are some questions that Urban suggests:

  • Would a society be better if people treated each other with respect?
  • How are classrooms and schools societies?
  • How can good manners be one of the most important keys to success in life?
  • What is the Golden Rule? How is it civilizing?
  • Which impresses people more: being cool or being courteous?

The following questions promote … >>>

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The Power of Not Using Imposed Punishments

On April 17, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Self-punishment is the worst type and the most severe. Unfortunately, imposed punishment is too often used for those who don’t need it. These children will respond without punitive action. Kahlil Gibran makes the point when he asks, “And how shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?”

All too often, the assumption is made that punishment is the only successful course of action to immediately halt inappropriate behavior. The paradox is that noncoercion can be far more effective than coercion. This point is brought home when we expect punishment but do not receive it. In such cases, we often remember the experience more than if we had been punished.

For example, a friend related a … >>>

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Why Grades and Rewards Don’t Mix (A True Story)

On April 15, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

A father of a fifth grader decided to give his son $5 for each A on his report card. The first marking period the child received eight A’s and $40 from his father.

The second marking period ended in January and report cards went home at the beginning of February. The father was quite upset, since his son had dropped to only one A, 2 B’s and the rest C’s.

In the conference with the father, the … >>>

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Rewards Hinder Childrens’ Creativity

On April 10, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Relying on rewards to influence behavior changes the motivation in children. Teachers of upper elementary grades through high school know this truth by the most common questions students ask: “Will the material be on the test?” and “Will this count on the grade?” Rather than being motivated by curiosity, the challenge, or the enjoyment of learning, the students’ motivation turns toward the external reward—the grade.

The motivation is to do well for the teacher’s evaluation, rather than for the learning itself. In addition, and this is rather obvious, the more emphasis placed upon the external reward of the grade, the more students look for the easiest way to obtain it.

Here is a paradox. Many studies have shown that the … >>>

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A Question of Values

On April 9, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

A young man was speeding along the highway in his new Mercedes when he missed a curve, flew over a cliff, and totaled his car.

A passing motorist found him mangled and bleeding.

“My Mercedes!” sobbed the man. “My beautiful car… my CD player… my cellular phone! Gone! All of them gone!”

“Good grief, man!” said the motorist. “How can you cry over a silly car when your left arm has been severed above the elbow!”

The injured man looked down. “My Rolex!’” he wailed, “my beautiful gold Rolex.”… >>>

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How to Make Bed Time Easier for Children and Parents

On April 1, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

Many parents struggle with getting younger children to sleep. Usually, children want to stay up as late as the adults, even though their tired bodies are yearning for sleep. This typically occurs because the youngster is curious about life and doesn’t want to miss out on anything.

If your child is resisting bed time, try this approach. Have the youngster talk about what was enjoyed during the day. By reflecting on something good, the child will go to sleep in a pleasant mood. In addition, have the youngster talk while lying down because more effort will be exerted than if the youngster were sitting or standing up. After the child finishes, speak or read in a soft volume. Exerting effort … >>>

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The Importance of Self-Pride

On March 25, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

Either momentarily or regularly, we experience circumstances that are beyond our control. Be it with family members, weather or other natural forces, inconveniences, unpleasant assignments, or unrewarding relationships, we all encounter situations we cannot change. However, we can choose our responses to these situations. How we choose to handle life’s challenges largely determines how we feel about ourselves.

As Oseola McCarty, a washerwoman who donated $150,000 to the University of Southern Mississippi, once said, “If you want to be proud of yourself, you’ve got to do things you can be proud of.” Choosing to respond positively in any situation improves the feelings we have about ourselves.

A friend describes the feeling this way: “I like to talk about self-pride. I … >>>

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Stuttering

On March 21, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

I received the following request:

“I’m looking for advice on helping a young man of 18 (he’s in first year university) who has trouble when under pressure (interviews, etc.) with stuttering. Thanks in advance for any input you can offer.”

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My Response:

Have him start singing. When he does, he will not stutter.

Advise him not to fight his blockage. Have him look for a different word.

A stutterer knows ahead of time when the stutter will occur. So the technique is to redirect attention away from the word he anticipates that will block his speech. Fighting the blockage does not work. Move around it.

This is a long process, but the only way he will improve is if … >>>

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