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Effectiveness

Use Creative Solutions

On October 8, 2012 / Effectiveness, Relationships

The more frequently we remember to take a positive approach, the greater the chances of reducing stress, building trust, avoiding conflicts, and increasing satisfaction and contentment. Creative thinking, however, may be called for in order to achieve these benefits.

This was the case with the two boys and the husband who invariably left their soiled clothes on the floor rather than putting them in the hamper. The sight of the dropped clothes so bothered the wife and mother that she indiscriminately scolded all members of the family. She then asked herself, “How can I turn this into a positive situation for me, as well as for them?” She came up with an idea.

She told her family that whenever she … >>>

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Choices Improve Behavior

On October 3, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Choices are a critical component of fostering responsibility and influencing behavior. The reason is that choice brings ownership; it fosters a sense of independence and also empowers. Offering options engages a youngster in cooperation and is much more effective than giving commands.

The choices can be limited, but the sooner a young person starts to make choices, to exercise decision making, the more responsible the youngster becomes. Of course, the choices must be ones that satisfy both parties. Suppose a youngster is asked to suggest a chore he will do. If the chore the youngster offers is not satisfactory, then the parent asks, “What else?” The same two words “What else?” “What else?” are repeated until both parties agree. Offering … >>>

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What You See is What You Thought

On October 2, 2012 / Effectiveness, Learning, Relationships

The old story of the two strangers coming to town periodically needs to be reviewed.

An old man was sitting at the gate of a city when a stranger approached.

“Tell me, old man,” said the stranger. “What kind of people live in this city?”

The old man thought for a minute and said, “I don’t know. What kind of people lived in the city where you came from?”

“They were the biggest bunch of thieves you would ever want to meet,” said the stranger. “They’d steal the shirt right off your back.”

The old man said, “You’ll find them the same way here.”

A short time later, another stranger approached and asked the man the same question: “What kind … >>>

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3 Tips for Promoting Positivity

On October 1, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

We’ve all read books about the power of being positive, and we’ve probably listened to a few speakers expound on the topic. Why, then, are many people still so negative, both at home and at work? Perhaps people have been so focused on why they need to be positive rather than on how to do it. To help put positivity in perspective, here are a few strategies for practicing it that will affect all areas of your life.

1. Check your perception.

Do you perceive that people in your life are deliberately acting irresponsibly or pushing your buttons, or do you view the behavior as the person’s best attempt to solve a frustration? Your perception directs how you will react… >>>

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Put the Child in Charge

On September 28, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Everyone likes being in charge of something, even something small. Adults and children alike need a sense that something in their world is within their control. Therefore, if you want your children to exhibit responsible behavior, put them in charge of the exact behavior you want them to display.

For example, suppose you have a school-aged daughter who is always getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment you want to maintain during mealtime. In this case, think of the exact opposite behavior of what your daughter is doing and put her in charge of that responsibility. You could say, “Hanna, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of … >>>

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Change, Choice, and Ownership

On September 26, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Throughout this blog and website, and in the Parenting Without Stress and Discipline Without Stress books, you’ll find much written about the importance of offering choices to young people. Why? Because offering choices eliminates coercion simply and easily. By implementing this one practice, you will enable your children to make wiser decisions, become more responsible, increase their cooperation, reduce stress on all concerned, and increase your joy of parenting.

Chances are that you would like to bring about some change(s) in your family dynamics. Two requirements are necessary for change. The first is the awareness that a change is necessary. The second is ownership. Choice brings ownership because people do not argue with their own choices. Lasting change only … >>>

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Longer Life with an Open Mind

On September 25, 2012 / Effectiveness, Learning

Can your personality impact how long you live? Perhaps.

Researchers have long been studying the connection between health and personality traits. In particular, they’ve been looking at openness, which measures cognitive flexibility and the willingness to entertain novel ideas. Recent studies have linked the personality trait of openness with lower metabolic risk, higher self-rated health, and more appropriate stress responses.

How is this possible? It seems that creativity is associated with openness. Apparently, the trait leads to creative thinking that reduces stress and keeps the brain healthy.

One possible reason why creativity is protective of health is that it draws on a variety of neural networks within the brain. Creativity maintains the integrity of neural networks even into old age. … >>>

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Listen to Learn

On September 21, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

If I were limited to one recommendation that would improve relationships between parent and child, especially with teenagers, it would be listen to learn. Listening and valuing young people’s feelings and ideas is what promotes the ability of parents to effectively communicate with them.

Listen to learn means not inserting one’s opinion and not judging what the youngster says while the youngster is speaking. Parents have a natural tendency to approve or disapprove of young people’s statements. Parents’ first reaction is to evaluate from their own point of view and then approve or disapprove of what the youngster says. This is listening autobiographically. The tendency to make evaluations is common in almost all conversations, but it is much … >>>

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Education for Self-Control

On September 20, 2012 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Parenting

If young people are going to resist constant internal impulses, they need to be taught one vital skill: Self-regulation.

In Dunedin, New Zealand (a lovely city and their center of the Great Highland Bagpipes), every other year teachers and parents evaluate each child between the ages of three and eleven on levels of aggression, hyperactivity, lack of persistence, inattention, and impulsivity. These ratings, along with those from the children themselves, result in a self-control score for every child.

Here are some interesting conclusions from their long-term study:

At 32 years old, the boys and girls who had had lower scores were poorer, had worse health, and were more likely to have committed a crime than those exhibiting more self-control.
Poor

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Avoid Negative Language

On September 19, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Your words have the power to make a situation positive or negative. For example, if you start a phrase with the word “unfortunately,” you immediately create a negative mindset in the person receiving the message. The word conjures up that something bad or unpleasant is about to follow, and whatever you say after “unfortunately” will be viewed negatively. The same holds true with the word “but” because it has a tendency to negate whatever comes before it; for example, “Yes, you can go with your friends but you need to be back by nine o’clock.” Substituting the word “and” for “but” eliminates the negative connotation: “Sure you can go with your friends and be back by nine o’clock.” It creates … >>>

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Chicago Teachers Strike and Standardized Tests

On September 12, 2012 / Effectiveness, Learning

Both the media and the critics of the current Chicago teachers strike are paying little attention to the primary reason that the teachers are not in their classrooms: Recent legislation passed by the Illinois legislature requires that scores from standardized tests be used for teacher accountability and performance.

To someone not in the education field, this mandate may seem reasonable. However, most people don’t realize that standardized tests were never designed to measure learning. Standardized tests were designed so that half of the test takers will fall below the 50 percent line. If 50 percent of students “fail” by design, how can these types of tests be justified for teacher accountability? Under this ruling, teachers will be judged and evaluated … >>>

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Build on Success

On September 10, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

No child wants to fail or intentionally get into trouble. Henry David Thoreau said, “Men are born to succeed, not fail.” Renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow agreed with this concept when he declared that it is a basic human need to strive toward success and self-actualization.

People improve more by building on their strengths than by working on their weaknesses. This does not mean that a weakness should be ignored, but it does mean that the emphasis should be on what the child can do, rather than on what the child cannot do. The simple belief that something can be done is the spark that ignites action. When a child is first learning a skill, it is the successes—not the … >>>

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Mean Comments and the Internet

On September 6, 2012 / Effectiveness, Relationships

Have you noticed that people are often meaner online than in real life? Many have blamed this on anonymity and invisibility, because when you are online no one knows who you are or what you look like. However, new research suggests that we may have a tendency to be nasty on the Internet because we do not make eye contact with those with whom we are communicating.

For example, a recent study demonstrated this point by having their subjects look into their partner’s eyes and predict how mean they were. When their eyes were hidden, participants were twice as likely to be hostile. Even if the subjects were both unrecognizable (with only their eyes on the screen) and anonymous, they … >>>

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Reducing Anonymity

On September 4, 2012 / Effectiveness, Relationships

Imagine you are driving on a highway on a Saturday morning. The road is like a ribbon of concrete ready for you to unfurl—not the usual heavy traffic where you can see only the vehicle in front of you.

Your eyes begin to meander. You appreciate the azure blue sky with an occasional cloud, the verdant landscaping along the road, and the beauty of the day.

You glance in the rear view mirror and realize that someone is tailgating you so closely that you can almost feel the driver’s breath on your back. You look at your speedometer; you are going faster than the speed limit allows.

You move over one lane to allow the car to pass. As the … >>>

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Promote Success

On August 31, 2012 / Effectiveness

I recently read about Dean Cromwell, the track coach of the University of Southern California from 1912 until his retirement in 1949. No other coach in collegiate track has ever approached his records. His teams won 21 national championships, had 13 world record holders, and at least one of his protégés won an Olympic gold medal during his 39-year coaching career.

Cromwell was a master at getting people to believe in themselves and getting phenomenal performances from his athletes.

He believed in always keeping everyone in an optimistic mood. Yet, he didn’t give fiery pep talks. He always kidded on the “upside, never on the downside.” He never made fun of anyone—never a putdown, but always a buildup.

This highly … >>>

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Sesame Street a Poor Teacher

On August 30, 2012 / Effectiveness, Learning

At a recent meeting of the Greater Los Angeles Chapter of the National Speakers Association, Scott McKain, a well-recognized professional speaker, related a very interesting experience to me.

He said that he was asked to deliver a keynote speech at his former elementary school. After the presentation, he was surprised to see that his 3^rd grade teacher was still teaching there, so he struck up a conversation with her. Scott inquired what his former teacher thought was the biggest problem in education today. Without hesitation, she replied, “Sesame Street.”

Scott was taken back and inquired into her reasoning. She responded that children today are brought up on entertainment, and when they arrive at school they expect to be entertained.… >>>

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Behaviorism’s Founder

On August 29, 2012 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning

Frank Knight (November 7, 1885 – April 15, 1972) was a professor of economics at the University of Chicago. Four of his students received the Nobel Prize for Economics (Paul Saluelson, Milton Friedman, George Stigler, and James Buchanan, Jr.) . Professor Knight was rather outspoken. The short paragraphs below are his comments about behaviorism and its best known founders, John B. Watson and B.F. Skinner.

John B. Watson was a founder of the psychological school referred to as behaviorism. Behaviorists, represented more popularly by the controversial utopian B.F. Skinner of Harvard University, argue that all human behavior can be understood in terms of stimulus-response models that have been developed from studying the behavior of rats in mazes.

In 1932, … >>>

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