Effectiveness

Happiness is a Choice

On September 22, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Most people say that they want to be happy, but they have no idea how to achieve it. Stress from work, family, the news media, and many other sources make happiness seem impossible for many. But happiness is indeed a worthwhile objective, especially since science tells us that happy people are more effective than unhappy people.

So how can you achieve happiness on a daily basis? There is no magic secret to happiness. In reality, happiness is the result of a myriad of little decisions made every day. To be happy, simply REFLECT BEFORE you make those little decisions. Two questions to ask yourself are, “What’s my goal in doing this?” and “How will I feel if I achieve it?”… >>>

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Modeling Choice

On September 17, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Many years ago, a reader from Australia sent me the following note:

If we want kids to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible, we have to be caring, honest, generous, and responsible ourselves. As has been said, “Modeling is not just a way to teach; it is the only way to teach.”

Choice is essential to the teaching and learning of values. You cannot mandate generosity, caring, responsibility, honesty, etc. These values can only be promoted in an environment of choice.

You can only show honesty, caring, responsibility, etc. when you can choose not to behave in these ways. Many kids these days have huge amounts of freedom, but they do not have the responsible behavior to handle their freedom.… >>>

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How to Accept Constructive Criticism

On August 25, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

If you believe that life is growth and that people should strive to grow both intellectually and emotionally, then you need to accept comments by others (oftentimes called criticism) as being in your own best interest.

Accepting such comments with a positive spirit depends on two criteria:

(1) You trust the person and understand that what the person is sharing with you is in your own best interests.
(2) The comments are specific to the situation. Certain terms are avoided, such as ALWAYS, as in, “You always….,” or NEVER, as in, “You never….”

Think of a physician giving you a diagnosis. You don’t react negatively. You accept it because you have faith that what the physician is sharing with you … >>>

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Satisfaction vs. Happiness

On August 20, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Many people think that satisfaction brings happiness in life. In reality, it’s the positive people, not the satisfied people, who are happy people. Happy people are pleasant to be around. Being around people you enjoy improves your own disposition and desire to put forth effort.

Being positive should not be confused with satisfaction. Telling someone to be satisfied makes little sense to me.

For example, after a presentation I ask myself, “What did I do that was good?” and “What can I improve?” Asking something like, “Am I satisfied with my effort?” would be of little value.

We always have the opportunity to learn and grow. If we were satisfied, we would never grow. It is the feelings that emanate … >>>

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Your Words Influence Behavior

On August 13, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

We often want to assist people by telling them what to avoid. Upon analysis, however, you will discover that so often when you tell a person what to avoid, the opposite results. The reason is that the brain does not envision “don’t” or any other negative-type word. The brain envisions pictures, illusions, visions, and images.

Here are some examples:

  • Don’t think of the color blue. What color did your brain envision?
  • Think of any house pet except a little white kitten with a bright red bow around its neck.
  • The park sign, “Don’t walk on the grass” is less effective than “Please use walkways.”
  • The teacher who tells the student not to look at his neighbor’s paper is having the
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Listening Fosters Positive Relationships

On August 6, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

If you ask yourself how you know someone cares for you, one of your responses is likely to be that you know because the person listens to you.

Ask a husband about a good wife, and he is likely to say that he knows his wife cares for him because she listens to what he has to say. Ask a wife about a good husband, and she’ll respond that he listens to her.

When the parent says, “It’s about time you started listening to me,” the youngster may be thinking, “It’s about time you started listening to me.”

Even if we are saying something that is not really worth listening to, we still want someone to listen to us.

Ask … >>>

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How to Teach Troubled Youth

On August 4, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

At some point, every teacher will have troubled youth in their class. These students may appear reluctant, apathetic, and/or disengaged. When working with these students, patience is critical, and building relationships is the ONLY way you will have success. These students trust no one, and it will take time for them to truly understand that you are concerned about them and their own best interests.

Here are some suggestions for interacting and reaching these students:

  • Since success is built on success and not failure, compliment them on their successes. This will give them hope—the most essential ingredient for success and something they have had very little of.
  • Be wary of using any of the seven “deadlies”: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging,
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Promote a Positive Mindset in Youth

On July 30, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

One of the great approaches to successful living is to develop the art of prompting positive mindsets.

For example, suppose I lay a plank on the ground. Almost anyone could easily walk on the plank from one end to the other. But if I were to raise the plank 20 feet off the ground, how many people do you think would get across it without falling? I would guess quite a few people would fall off the plank.

Why can people walk the plank when it’s on the ground but not while it’s elevated? A prime reason is that when the plank is on the ground, people imagine success. They believe and feel they can accomplish the task. Off the … >>>

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Control versus Influence

On July 28, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Are you focused on controlling youth or influencing them? If you experience much stress when interacting with children, chances are that you are trying to control them. Because controllees have low motivation to carry out decisions IMPOSED on them, as scores of research have documented, enforcement is both difficult and time-consuming. This is very evident in schools where teachers spend so much classroom time “playing police”—enforcing their rules or the administration’s rules.

Aiming at controlling people is really focusing on controlling the body and hoping the brain follows. In contrast, influencing people, whereby you aim at the brain and have the body follow. is less stressful and far more effective.

Controlling people aims at obedience. Except where the relationship is … >>>

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Discipline in Schools by Using Influence

On July 27, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

“Listen up!” is an effective phrase to getting attention. Obtaining attention is the first step in influencing others for any reason—including changing behavior and improving self-discipline.

We tend to think of smooth talkers as having the most influence on others. Although the gift of gab is a nice characteristic, being a good listener provides even more of an advantage. 

In a study from the Journal of Research in Personality former work colleagues rated participants on measures of influence, verbal expression and listening behavior. Results indicate that good listening skills had a stronger effect on the ratings of influence than talking. The authors suggested that listening helps people obtain information and build trust, both of which can increase influence. 

Being a … >>>

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Reflect on Your Daily Choices

On July 23, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Are you acting REFLEXIVELY or REFLECTIVELY? Consider this scenario: You are at home and the telephone rings. You answer it. Assume for a moment that you are NOT familiar with
choice-response thinking (something discussed at length in various blog posts). If I were to query you why you answered the phone, most would say, in one way or another, that the phone was a stimulus and answering it was the response.

Now, let’s assume that you are at home watching a television program that you had been looking forward to seeing. You are totally engaged in a dramatic scene and the phone rings. Would you disrupt your involvement in the program to answer it?

In this situation, some people would … >>>

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Positivity and Your Future

On July 14, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Did you know that as we grow older, our character traits become more ingrained? It’s true. In fact, they become even more pronounced. For example, a sweet person becomes sweeter, while a disagreeable person becomes a real crank in old age.

So what does this mean for you today? It means that the attitudes and traits you are planting now will take root and become rigid habits later in life. Therefore, it’s important to make a commitment to live a daily life of good cheer, optimism, and gratitude. Whatever choices you make today will serve you well later in life.

Plant happy seeds and enjoy today—and many, many tomorrow.

For tips on how to be more positive, see the books … >>>

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Remove Barriers to Help Youth Achieve Goals

On July 8, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

We all want our children and students to achieve goals in school and in life. To help, many adults pressure children to do things (e.g. fill out that college application, do your homework, practice the piano, etc.). However, a better approach is to remove barriers to achieve goals rather than pressure people to achieve them.

Adults resort to pressure because that’s typically what occurs in the work world. When leaders are not happy with people who report to them, they add pressure. But the really astute leaders know that instead of adding pressure, a more successful approach is to ask what are the barriers that are keeping people from doing their best. If you think back to some of your … >>>

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Criticism versus Positivity

On July 2, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

We are all guilty of offering criticism to others, even if we disguise it as “constructive” criticism. But think about it: Why would people want to hear criticism from someone else? Criticism promotes negativity, rather than positivity. Criticism puts a person on the defensive and usually prompts the person to justify the actions. It is also dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, impinges on one’s sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Even B.F. Skinner proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of … >>>

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Striving for Perfection

On June 30, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Learning  

We’ve all heard the expression, “Practice makes perfect.” It’s something many teachers and parents have touted to children for decades. However, the problem with that thinking is that perfection is often not possible. And striving for something unattainable sets people up for failure.

Of course, this does not mean we shouldn’t have high standards for ourselves and others. Therefore, think about it like this: Pursuing perfection focuses at looking for what’s WRONG. On the other hand, pursuing high standards and excellence focuses on what’s RIGHT.

Most humans in most endeavors will fulfill their responsibilities more effectively when asked, “Are you satisfied with your work?” rather than “Is what you have done perfect?”

So the next time you’re helping a child … >>>

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The Discipline of Classroom Collaboration

On June 25, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Rather than having students work in isolation on a project or problem, instill learning and working communities that collaborate.

To foster the discipline of collaboration, here is a simple technique to try: Have students volunteer to relate something that SOMEONE ELSE has done successfully. Then decide on how often this activity should be conducted, such as weekly or monthly.

You’ll find that trust and a collaborative spirit grow by having others share positive incidents of someone other than him/herself. Examples of incidents could be helping someone with an assignment, using a new procedure, or being a friend to someone in need.

Rather than the usual approach of the teacher recognizing one person above the others, sharing activities or incidents empowers … >>>

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Influence Youth

On June 23, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

To understand how much more powerful it is to influence youth rather than overpower them, consider this short story:

A young boy was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go. A normal parental reaction would have been to banish the youngster to his room and tell him that he had better make up his mind to go because he had no choice. (Note: the youngster may have had no choice as to the decision but he certainly had a choice as to how he could react to it.)

Rather than taking this approach, the father reflected, “If I were my son, why would I be excited to go to kindergarten?”

The father and … >>>

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Discipline Online

On June 17, 2015   /   Classroom Management, Discipline, Effectiveness, Learning, Parenting, Responsibility  

Discipline Online is now available for teachers, parents, and anyone working with young people. 

If you are at a school, home, or youth setting where discipline and behavior are out of control and where young people are not acting responsibly, then Discipline Online will be of great assistance. If you are a leader, teacher, or parent that imposes punishments, lectures, nags, or uses time-outs or detention, then Discipline Online is for you. If you are still rewarding young people for things they should be doing anyway, learn a better way.

You owe it to yourself—and to the people with whom you work—to use a more effective approach than any of those mentioned above. Learn how to deal with behavior challenges … >>>

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