Effectiveness

The Discipline of Positivity

On June 16, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Saying things in a positive way—especially during a discipline situation—is a challenge! It requires discipline on your part, especially if you have a lot of negative responses from the past glued in your brain.

Before you respond to others in any way, take a breath and THINK first. It isn’t easy initially, but it does come more naturally once you force yourself to practice. One idea is to set a small goal for yourself. For example: Can you go for 30 minutes and respond with positivity to everything that happens (even negative things)? Taking the pause to consider what you’re going to say is the key!

Following are some questions that are successful with various types of youth and situations. … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Youth and Friends

On June 11, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

It is a hard fact of life but a true one: We can outgrow friendships just like we outgrow shoes.

Understanding this concept can significantly help young people who have a strong desire to want to be like others and want to feel that they are their friend’s “best friend.” It is often “painful” for a young person to see their “best friend” associate more with others than with themselves.

Some good advice for young people (and for older ones, too) is to:
• Find new interests
• Make new friends
• Find fun things to do

By being your own best friend, you will always have one friend you can rely on. Therefore, learning to like yourself—HAVING A GOOD … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Why Procedures Reduce Discipline Issues

On June 4, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

One of the most perceptive comments ever made to me was stated in an elevator. I was at a conference and the person sharing the elevator with me said, “We run our life by procedures.”

I immediately thought about the procedures I use in my personal life and then reflected on procedures I used as a classroom teacher (primary, upper elementary, and every grade 7-12).

Whenever a student(s) did something that irked me, I would establish a procedure. For example, when I suddenly heard the pencil sharpener being used while I was talking, I taught a procedure. I simply had the student place the pencil in a raised hand. This indicated to me the desire to sharpen a pencil. When … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Protect Yourself from Negativity

On May 28, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

When you hear someone communicating negativity, imagine being surrounded by a Pyrex glass shield. It rebuffs all negativity–allowing only positivity to flow through. You will find that you can continue to converse and stay involved with those around you, but you won’t be affected by their negativity.

As silly as this sounds, it works. To slightly rephrase how Mother Teresa put it:

People may be illogical and self-centered. Treat them with positivity anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do positive things anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty may make you vulnerable. Be honest anyway.
People favor top dogs. Fight for some underdogs anyway.
What you

… >>> READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

The Discipline of Practice

On May 19, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

How are you multiplying your effect on others? Take the practice of positivity, for example.

Are you making it a practice to self-talk in positive ways—always attempting to make any lemon into lemonade?

With friends talking about others, are you focusing on good traits of others rather than always focusing on negative ones?

When conversing with parents, are you helping them redirect negative, coercive thoughts by prompting them to reflect?

With your children, do you communicate in ways so that they perceive conversations in a noncoercive, encouraging manner?

With fellow employees, are you acknowledging their contributions?

You can extend your effectiveness by practicing your skills in as many situations as you can find.… >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Promote Responsibility with Small Steps

On May 14, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Although fear is usually just negative self-talk about a perceived situation, there are times when it is most difficult to think that it is not real. So rather than attempting to eradicate your fear, warm up to it.

We can learn from our children. Children don’t say, “I can’t because I’m afraid.” For example, a youngster will get on a high diving board and dive off even though she has never done it before. She’ll run to the parent with a great smile, and the parent will ask, “Weren’t you afraid?” She’ll respond, “Yes, I was afraid; I was really scared.”

But a grown-up won’t do the same thing. If you say to a grown-up, “Are you going to dive … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Would Your Students Leave You If They Could?

On May 12, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Many years ago, the former Secretary of Education, William Bennett, was asked by a 7th grader, “How can you tell a good country from a bad one?”

Dr. Bennett replied, “I apply the ‘gate’ test. When the gates of a country are open, watch which way the people run. Do they run into the country or out of the country?”

The question was an excellent one and prompted an excellent response. I think the same question could be applied to parenting, teaching, and any organization.

If the people you deal with were exposed to other possibilities or opportunities, and if all other things were equal, would they stay with you—or would they leave you?

Consider taking an inventory. Are the … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Start the Day with Positivity

On April 30, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Why start the morning as a “downer” when you can start your day in a positive, pleasant way!

Here is a little procedure you can use. Get up 20 minutes earlier than you need to do. Before turning on the TV, reading your email, or browsing the news sites—all of which can be full of discouraging news—read something uplifting.

The positive energy engendered will carry you through the day so that any situation you encounter can be handled more easily.

Simply by being uplifted in the morning, you will find it easier to enjoy your entire day.… >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

A Reflective Question to Change Your Thoughts

On April 23, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

There are emotional challenges that all of us have, even children. One of the challenges pertains to worrying about the future.

Worry is fear of the unknown. Even more important to realize is that worry is actually negative self-talk. Additionally, if you reflect on the things that you have worried about, you will conclude that they rarely occurred in reality.

As with worry, some people live with past failures, with past hurts, and thereby bring past negative emotions into the present.

One of the keys to happiness is to practice thinking in the present rather than dwelling on the worry of the future or negativity of the past. Controlling your thoughts to stay in the present by redirecting negative thoughts … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

One Question to Improve Effectiveness

On April 16, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Parents and teachers often want to know, “How can I get my children/students to try harder?” The answer is simple: ask them. The best question to ask is: “Can you do better?”

This question will prompt students to increase their effort and improve their quality of work.

Asked by parents, this question will prompt their children to reflect on their behavior.

But it goes way beyond the classroom and home front. You can use this question in everyday interactions too.

For example, asked by you at a hotel registration desk may often result in an upgraded room. The same works with rental car agencies and people working on commission.

And don’t forget the most important person to ask: YOU!

“Can … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Daily Questions for Students and Teachers

On April 9, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

If you want to help your students improve their performance (and also improve your own), make these questions a part of your classroom culture.

Create (or have a student create) a large poster with the following questions clearly visible:
1. What am I learning?
2. How am I learning?
3. Why am I learning?
4. Who am I becoming?

Primary students can share their responses with each other. Older students can reflect on the lesson/day in their journals.

Create a small poster for yourself, too. A pocket-size card will do. Place these questions on the card for a morning glance:
1. What am I doing to start my day in a positive way?
2. What do I get to do … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Handling Interruptions

On March 12, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

All teachers and parents have had children interrupt them while they are talking or doing something important. How you handle the interruption will prompt either positive or negative feelings in the child.

If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought.

If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person’s feelings. It is a four-step process.

Start with “I WANT TO . . . .” (1st part)
“I want … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Make Youth Feel Important

On March 10, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

Admired people are adept at making others (even youth) feel important. When you interact with someone—whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes—the test is, “When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?”

If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, “How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?”

The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised, and so is our motivation.… >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

3 Questions to Ask All Youth

On February 17, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

You don’t necessarily like someone because who the person is; you like the person because of the person’s effect on you. What kind of effect are you having on the children in your life?

Following are three questions that any parent can ask their children on a regular basis (or any teacher can ask students in a class meeting).

1. What did you learn this week that’s valuable enough for a lifetime? (Remember: we find what we look for.)

2. Do you have an issue, problem, or a concern you would like to discuss?

3. What do you feel good about or proud of that you’ve done this week?

(Note: If you are a parent or teacher asking a BOY, … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Self-Reflection and Effectiveness

On February 5, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

A school principal contacted me for advice. He was trying to put together a way for the teachers at his school to reflect on their year and to self-evaluate. He wanted it to be something that was do-able, that wouldn’t feel overwhelming in its scope or the time it would take for them to complete, and that would feel meaningful and help guide their work for next year.

My suggestion was this: Pose the following question to your teachers. “If I were a student, would I want me as a teacher? If yes, list the reasons. If no, list the reasons.

Of course, this question isn’t just for teachers. You can reframe it for any situation or relationship, as in:… >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Banish Negativity

On January 29, 2015   /   Effectiveness  

I was brought up on the principle my mother instilled in me, “If you can’t say anything nice about a person, then don’t say anything at all.”

This counsel grew into the first principle of my life’s practices: positivity, which is described in my book as the first principle to reduce stress.

In building relationships, negativism is the biggest enemy. You don’t want it in your mind. You don’t want it in your classroom. You don’t want it in your house. You don’t want it in your environment. You don’t want it in your discipline approach. You don’t want negativism for those who may work for you, your friends, your associates, and especially your students. You don’t want anything to … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Attentiveness Reduces Discipline Challenges

On January 20, 2015   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

When people feel good about themselves, they naturally do better, produce more, and are just happier in life. So if you want to reduce discipline issues in your classroom and have a more enjoyable experience with youth, help people feel good, not bad.

An old story shows how this type of outlook affects the other person: A young lady was taken to dinner one evening by William Gladstone and then the following evening by Benjamin Disraeli, both eminent British statesmen in the late nineteenth century. “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England,” she said. “But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top

Discipline and Personal Development

On January 15, 2015   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

What does a discipline approach have to do with personal development?

When a person subscribes to my newsletter, the automated system prompts an inquiry as to how the person found out about it. Responses range from parents seeking ways to reduce their stress and promote responsible behavior to teachers struggling with classroom discipline issues. Every once in a while someone explains that while they are not a parent or a teacher, they find the discipline information I provide enlightening and want to use it for personal development.

That’s a very perceptive answer, because when you use the discipline approaches I outline (positivity, choice, and reflection), you are engaging in a paradigm shift. To quote Stephen Covey, author of The 7 … >>>

READ MORE >>> →
Back to Top