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Effectiveness

Discipline, Simplicity, and Awareness

On January 13, 2015 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Teachers often tell me that even though the Raise Responsibility System discipline approach is referred to as simple-to-implement, they find that they continually have to be aware of being positive, offering choices, and asking reflective-type questions. When I hear this I always reply: “SIMPLE does not mean EASY.”

The system is simple in that ONLY THREE principles—not a dozen or so—need to be practiced. In addition, the Raise Responsibility System (RRS) has only three parts: TEACHING the concepts, ASKING reflective questions, and ELICITING a procedure to redirect impulses.

For example, learning how to drive an automobile is SIMPLE, but it only becomes EASY after you have driven for awhile. Likewise, deciding ahead of time not to eat dessert at a … >>>

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Positivity and Emotions

On January 8, 2015 / Effectiveness, Relationships

In the human body, the amygdala (Greek for almond) is composed of two almond-shaped emotional storage areas above the brain stem. It developed before the thinking part of the brain did and prompts immediate reaction—the so-called “fight or flight” syndrome.

As the amygdala does not differentiate between physical or psychological threat, so the mind often does not differentiate between fantasy and reality. You can tell yourself almost anything you want and you can believe it.

Consequently, what you think has an effect upon how you feel. Other people—even children—can sense your feelings and your mood. They can even sense your feelings over the phone.

Whether you have a negative or a positive feeling while you are talking, the other person … >>>

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The Discipline of New Year Resolutions

On December 30, 2014 / Effectiveness

As the years quickly pass, the tendency to make New Year resolutions decreases. However, I encourage you to have the discipline to make at least two resolutions this year—even if you do not implement them. The reason is that resolutions carry an inference that you can change. This can be extended to thoughts of having control in how one reacts to situations in life—–that one is not a victim.

Resolutions bring a sense of empowerment, that you are the master of your life. The last two lines of “Invictus” by William Henley embrace this concept: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”

Here are a few resolutions that may work for you (or … >>>

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What to Do When a Parent Misbehaves

On December 23, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Many teachers have discipline challenges not only with students, but also with the parents. In such cases, the parent of the misbehaving child may become rude or downright hostile when you, the teacher, explain that their “little angel” has discipline issues at school. What can you do when parents misbehave and are in need of some discipline themselves?

First, stay calm. Remember that you are being paid to teach the child, not the parents. It is a sad fact of life today that too many parents are confrontational rather than supportive. If you find yourself in a situation where a parent is getting enraged or offended because you are discussing discipline issues regarding their child, ask the parent, “What do … >>>

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Developing Effectiveness in Students

On December 18, 2014 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

When I present to a school or school district, or when my In-House Seminar Package is purchased, the client receives a 100-page Resource Guide. In it, I share one of my favorite stories. I share it with you here.

Nicolo Paganini (1782-1840) is still considered one of the greatest violinists of all time. One day, as he was about to perform before a sold-out house, he walked out on stage to a huge ovation but felt that something was terribly wrong.

Suddenly he realized that he had someone else’s violin in his hand. Horrified, but knowing that his only prudent choice was to begin, he started playing.

That day he gave the performance of his life.

After the concert, Paganini … >>>

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Positive Conversations

On December 9, 2014 / Effectiveness, Relationships

During this holiday time of year, many of us visit with family and friends—some of whom we may not have seen in months.

As you converse with these people, here is a suggestion to keep in mind: When you deal with family, loved ones, close friends, and other valued people, don’t begin a new conversation with the baggage from the last one—or even think about it. If you do, one incident or perceived slight can adversely influence that conversation, along with days or weeks of future communications.

Goodman Ace, the legendary game show producer, had a classic observation: “If you can’t recall it, forget it.” Often, we can’t even recall why we were angry or upset. So, don’t try. Every … >>>

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Honesty and Discipline

On December 2, 2014 / Discipline, Effectiveness

My late mother-in-law used always to say, “Be careful of asking for someone’s opinion. The person may give it to you.”

Realize that if someone asks you for your opinion and if the person perceives that your comments are derogatory, there is a problem. It doesn’t matter if your opinion is based on fact and logic; all that matters is the other person’s perception of what you said. This is true whether interacting with an adult or a child.

Cognition and emotion go hand in hand, with the latter preceding the former. In other words, what we hear may prompt a negative feeling. Once a negative feeling has erupted, it doesn’t do any good to try to convince the person … >>>

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Be Thankful for the Gift of Learning

On November 25, 2014 / Effectiveness, Learning

During this Thanksgiving week, I like to take time to reflect on all the blessings I have in my life. One thing I’m always thankful for is the ability to continually learn and grow.

As creatures of habit, we often find that learning a new way to do something is difficult simply because the new way is different. But I try to use the past as a guidepost, rather than as a hitching post. In fact, I think the greatest compliment one can give an individual in our changing world is that he or she is a student of something and constantly seeks to learn and grow. That is definitely something to be thankful for.

I view learning as a … >>>

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The Discipline of Persistence

On November 20, 2014 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

One of the most important things we can teach children is that effective people persist. They don’t give up easily. In fact, a major quality that classifies people as gifted is that they stick to a task.

What is it that allows a person to persevere? According to Art Costa (http://www.habits-of-mind.net), they have a repertoire. These people have many different ways to solve a problem.

Why is this important? Because if you have only one way to solve a problem, and if you try it and it doesn’t work, you will have a tendency to give up.

But people who persist will try one plan, and if that approach doesn’t work, they go to another plan. If that one doesn’t … >>>

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Develop the Discipline of Positivity

On November 13, 2014 / Effectiveness

Winston Churchill once commented, “The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity.”

What do you typically see?

The pessimist allows problems to rent cognitive space. But why think of problems when you can fill your head with solutions?

How you respond to a new idea is an example of what you put in your head. Do you immediately dismiss it? Do you see it as foolishness? Or do you allow yourself to examine the idea, to try it on for size, and think, “It just might be worth trying?”

The positive person is open to the new, the different, and the innovative. How you respond to new ideas could be the difference … >>>

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Develop the Discipline of Self-Reflection

On October 30, 2014 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

Children learn by example. What they see you do on a daily basis is what they will do in life as well. Therefore, in order to promote responsibility in youth, all adults need to develop the discipline of self-reflection.

Self-reflection focuses on looking inward—how to control passions, redirect impulses, restrain oneself from temptation, monitor one’s ego, assess the balance between the amount of time devoted to entertainment and time devoted to learning, and such things as what the individual needs to do in order to develop good character traits and become a good, contributing member of society. Many of the early Americans—George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and of course Benjamin Franklin, to name but few—focused on what they could and would … >>>

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Living is an Art

On October 21, 2014 / Effectiveness, Responsibility

I came across the following advice that I shared in my newsletter over a decade ago. Its message is still applicable today. And while it requires much self-discipline to practice it, the rewards are worth it.

Living is an art, and we have a responsibility to enjoy it.

An artist cannot be continually wielding the paintbrush. The painter must stop at times to freshen the vision of the object, the meaning of which the artist wishes to express on the canvas.

Living is also an art. We dare not become so absorbed in its technical process that we lose our consciousness of its general plan. We should pause every so often in our brushwork to reflect and refresh our vision. … >>>

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Making Change Less Difficult

On October 14, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

When teachers and parents first learn about the Discipline Without Stress approach, they are eager to give it a try. But as with any change in life, they soon think that changing their teaching, parenting, or discipline style is too difficult.

In reality, change of any type is not difficult; it just feels difficult because it is different from what we are accustomed to doing. If you’re accustomed to imposing punishments, using rewards, or lecturing children, suddenly switching to the three disciplines of positivity, guided choices, and reflection is very different, and as such, it feels difficult.

Here’s proof that change is different rather than difficult. Fold your arms. Now fold them in the opposite manner. Feel funny?

That’s because … >>>

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The Discipline of Happiness

On October 9, 2014 / Effectiveness

Have you noticed that many parents, teachers, and students these days seem unhappy? Have you also noticed a rise in classroom discipline? Does unhappiness cause students to act out and adults to respond with traditional and ineffective discipline techniques?

Well, I assert that we all have a moral responsibility to be happy.

We owe it to our spouse or partner, our fellow workers, our children, our students, our friends—indeed to anyone who comes into our lives. If for no other reason, people act more decently when they are happy. Students act out less, and adults are less stressed.

So how do we achieve happiness? Well, if we equate happiness with success, we will never achieve the amount of success necessary … >>>

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“Not” Versus “No”

On September 23, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

A parent contacted me, inquiring how she could tell her child “no” but still remain positive. As she explained, “I find that I am telling my youngster ‘no’ so often that it disturbs me. I want to be positive, but ‘no’ sounds so negative. What should I do?”

I proceeded to tell her a short story: A few years ago my wife and I were to attend a formal event dedicated to the memory of the gifted Scottish poet and song writer Robbie Burns, who gave us such world classics as “Auld Lange Syne” and “My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose.”

I planned to wear formal Scottish attire—a “Montrose” jacket and kilt. My wife inquired if she should … >>>

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One Strategy to Reduce Perfectionism in Youth

On September 11, 2014 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Perfectionism plagues many students. While wanting to do a good job is indeed an important trait, sometimes it can go to the extreme. When this occurs, it takes students very long to complete their work. Neatness and precision are imperative to perfectionists. Whatever they are working on must look right—by their perception—before they can move on. This ultimately hinders their progress and results in frustration on the part of the youth and the teachers.

Here is an assignment to give students who suffer from perfectionism: Have the student explain the following aphorism, “You cannot be perfect and learn at the same time.”

A few examples may help. (1) Have him assume that he is playing the piano and makes a … >>>

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You Have More Choices than You Think

On September 9, 2014 / Effectiveness

You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “Think Outside the Box.” But why is the box even there in the first place?

We think in the box because it is the only box given us. That is, our thoughts almost automatically become restricted to that which is presented to us. For example, the mother asks the youngster whether he would prefer fish or liver for dinner. Sometimes neither of the options is preferable, but we have a tendency to choose from these restricted options presented to us.

The more your self-talk begins with, “Are these my only choices?” the more options you’ll discover. A typical example is the oft-quoted question, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” The optimist responds … >>>

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