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The Common Core Requirements

On June 12, 2013   /   Learning  

The Common Core requirements are being applied across the nation. I have had serious concerns since they first came into being. 

One of my main concerns is that academics are being thrust upon young boys in kindergarten and first grade before boys are cognitively mature enough to meet these academic demands. In my administrative experiences as an elementary school principal, I would often counsel parents into having very young boys repeat kindergarten or first grade. Being held back at very young ages is in young people’s best interests—in contrast to feelings of failure or failing in a higher grade.

Apparently some states are also having reservations about the “Common Core State … >>>

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Keep Discipline Positive

On June 11, 2013   /   Parenting, Responsibility  

As I like to remind parents, there isn’t any empowerment more effective than self-empowerment. Because being positive is so enabling, it is best to displace thoughts, communications, and discipline practices that are destructive. Continually ask yourself how what you want to communicate or the lesson you want to instill can be put in a positive way.

For example, saying, “You are bad tempered,” has the same meaning as, “You need to work on controlling your temper.” However, the first labels the person, whereas the second enables the person. People change more by building on their strengths and aptitudes than by working on their weaknesses. This does not mean that an area of weakness should not be worked on, but … >>>

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Carrots Are More Effective than Sticks

On June 10, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Relationships  

Edward Deci, Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and director of its human motivation program, has been studying human motivation for years. The following is adapted from the July/August 2013 issue of Scientific American Mind, page 18.

It’s pretty well accepted that punishment is NOT a great motivator. But there is still some debate about whether “tangible” carrots such as bonuses and prizes also truly inspire.

However, one carrot that nearly always works, according to a large meta-analysis by Dr. Deci and his colleagues, is positive feedback.

Positive feedback is something that feels good to anyone who’s getting it. This simply means supporting someone’s sense of competence. When people … >>>

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Responsibility Poem

On June 7, 2013   /   Responsibility  

I recently came upon a poem that is worth sharing with anyone interested in responsibility or self-discipline. I share the poem with you, written by anonymous.

Responsibility Poem

I am responsible

for all that I do,

from turning in work

to making friends, too.

 

I choose if my room

will be messy or clean;

I also make the choice

to be kind or mean.

 

It is up to me

just how much I will learn;

the grades that I get

will be grades that I earn.

 

I make the choice

to be happy or sad,

to have a good day,

or have one that is bad.

 

So I will choose

what is best for me.

I am responsible;

I hold … >>>

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Work Smarter; Discipline Less

On June 6, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

All parents want their children to take initiative and perform certain tasks around the home. Whether it’s taking out the trash, feeding the dog, or setting the table, there are household chores that are appropriate for every age group. When children don’t take on the requested responsibilities (or don’t do them satisfactorily), many parents resort to discipline measures as a way to “motivate” the child to do the task. But this approach creates stress for both the parent and the child. A better approach is to work smarter with your child. When you do, you’ll find that you actually discipline less. Here are some tips.

  • Once a task has been performed, the objective should be to focus on progress—rather than
… >>> READ MORE >>> →
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Violence and Lack of Discipline in Philadelphia Schools

On June 5, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

The media has recently been showing a video of violence in a Philadelphia high school. The news program I watched had two people of opposite political viewpoints sharing what they believed were  the reasons for the violence in the school. 

From my perspective, all the reasons were excuses.

Violent situations in schools will decrease when teachers are taught how to teach responsibility and impulse control. There is a way to reduce violence, and it is not through coercion or aiming at obedience, which is the approach usually employed. 

Implementing the Discipline Without Stress® Teaching Model can make a significant difference in reducing discipline problems and violence in schools.… >>>

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Bullying and Discipline

On June 4, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

I read an article today that a town in Wisconsin is going to attempt to reduce the number of bullying incidences by imposing fines on the parents of reported bullies. According the article, parents will be fined $114 within 90 days following a written notice about their child’s bullying; the fine will increase to $177 for each repeated instance of bullying within a year of the first violation. The goal is that once the parents are fined, they will discipline their bullying child, which will then stop the bullying.

Of course, bullying is wrong and needs to stop at all levels. However, I doubt this approach will work for three key reasons: 1) It is putting the responsibility not to … >>>

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Discipline Is a Wonderful Word

On June 3, 2013   /   Discipline, Learning  

Although discipline is often referred to as punishment, this is only one of many interpretations of the word. In fact, Dr. Lee Salk, the author of eight books on family relationships and a former popular commentator on social change, domestic strife, and changing family patterns, stated in Familyhood: Nurturing the Values that Matter (p.47), “What discipline is not is punishment.”  

He continued, “Discipline isn’t a dirty word. Far from it! Discipline is the one thing that separates us from chaos and anarchy. It’s the precursor to good behavior, and it never comes from bad behavior. People who associate discipline with punishment have a shortsighted view of discipline. With … >>>

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Changing Others Or Oursevles

On May 31, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

This is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise. One evening while traveling along the Eastern seaboard, the captain saw a light in front of them and thought they were going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.”

A message came back, “We cannot move.”

A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not move, we will collide.”

Another message came back. “Sorry, we will and cannot move.”

A last message was sent. “We are the mighty … >>>

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Use Contingencies, not Consequences, to Discipline

On May 30, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Although consequences can be either positive or negative, when parents refer to “consequences” for discipline purposes, these are often in terms of threats or punishments that are imposed. Using an imposed consequence to discipline only works when a young person finds value in the relationship or when the person sees value in what he is being asked to do. Otherwise, people perceive an imposed consequence in negative terms because of the inference, “Do this—or else!” It threatens pain or discomfort should the young person fail to comply with the demand.

Such is the case when the adult says, “If you continue to do that, then this is what is going to happen to you.” Additionally, telling a youngster, “You … >>>

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Parents, Grandparents, and Discipline

On May 29, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting, Responsibility  

Many reports have been in the news recently about adults having such poor self-discipline and impulse control that, when at a public sports event, they have cursed at and attacked the coach—and even the umpire. You may enjoy this commentary on the subject.

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? Do you know what a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”

The little boy nodded “Yes.”

The coach continued, “I’m sure you know that when … >>>

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Discipline and Motivation

On May 28, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Parenting  

I spent the majority of Memorial Day at the neighborhood pool with my family. One family there consisted of a father, a young three-year-old boy, and the grandmother. The boy vehemently did not want to go into the water. Every time his father tried to get him in the pool, the boy shrieked and cried.

Frustrated, the father picked the boy up, forcibly put him in the water, and said, “You’re going in the pool whether you like it or not.” The boy cried and ran out of the water.

The father tried to calm down and bribe the boy, “Look, we’re here for you. So if you get in the pool, we’ll go out for a treat afterwards.” The … >>>

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Ben Carson, Discipline, and His Mother’s Influence

On May 27, 2013   /   Effectiveness, Responsibility  

Ben Carson is an American neurosurgeon and the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital. He is also a professor of neurosurgery, oncology, plastic surgery, and pediatrics, and is the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University.  Among other surgical innovations, he did pioneering work on the successful separation of conjoined twins joined at the head.

In 2008, Dr. Carson was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States, by President George W. Bush.

As a youngster, Ben struggled academically throughout elementary school and emotionally with his temper. He was constantly in trouble.

What turned this avid television-watching youngster around? The answer: discipline and reflection leading to motivation.

First, his mother reduced … >>>

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Self-Discipline is the Best Discipline

On May 24, 2013   /   Discipline, Responsibility  

By using rewards and imposed punishments as discipline strategies, we give children the easy way out—at the expense of their development and maturation. Rather than empowering them with responsibility and the gift of self-discipline, they quickly learn that temporary compliance will get them off the hook, either in the form of accepting a loss of privileges or writing apology notes that will right all wrongs. Many children would rather take the pain of imposed punishment than take the time to make difficult decisions and exert self-control.

When we use rewards and imposed punishments as motivational strategies, we are teaching kids to make their decisions based on someone else’s reaction. We reinforce the practice of people making their decisions based on … >>>

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Are You a Goat or a Tiger?

On May 23, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

Consider the Asian fable about the little tiger orphaned immediately after birth, raised by a friendly herd of goats. The little tiger played with the goat kids, drank milk from the nanny goat, and slept secure in the goat’s cave. Quite naturally, the little fellow came to think of himself as a goat. He did his best to discipline himself and even bleat like a goat. He tried to cultivate a taste for grass and paper.

One day a huge Bengal tiger came bounding into the clearing where the little tiger was playing with the goats. As the tiger roared, the goats ran for cover. The little tiger was the only “goat” who didn’t race away. Instead, he felt strangely … >>>

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Why Programs Can’t Fix Discipline Problems

On May 22, 2013   /   Discipline, Effectiveness  

Every few years a new program aimed at improving behavior and learning while reducing discipline problems is introduced and becomes the silver bullet for “fixing” schools. For example, at one time open classrooms were the magic cure-all. Next, large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the “fix” for high schools. Then “Teaching by Objectives” was the rage. Where are these programs now?

A current fashion is Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support (PBIS or PBS), based on the old Skinnerian erroneous premise that rewarding desired behavior externally is the most effective way to reinforce the behavior and cure discipline issues. PBIS is an outgrowth of working with students who have special needs and where something tangible … >>>

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Using a Mental Foxhole for Self-Discipline

On May 21, 2013   /   Effectiveness  

During the last days of World War II someone commented to President Harry Truman that he appeared to bear up under the stress and strain of the presidency better than any previous president, that the job did not appear to have aged him or sap his vitality, and that this was remarkable—especially in view of the many problems he faced as a wartime president.

His response was, “I have a foxhole in my mind.” President Truman mentioned that he was able to go inside his own imagination to escape stress and to relax.

In essence, the president created a “theatre in his mind” where he went when he wanted to leave … >>>

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The Best Discipline for Older Youth

On May 20, 2013   /   Discipline, Parenting  

When it comes to discipline approaches for older youth, many parents are unsure what to do. If they’ve relied on rewards, punishments, and telling (the things I don’t recommend), they quickly learn that these discipline approaches are ineffective and don’t promote responsibility. So what’s the best way to discipline a teenager?

Realize that by the time children are 13 to 14 years old, you should be through telling them what to do. Of course, youth still need guidance, but it should be accomplished by persuasion—not coercion. Teenagers want to cut the umbilical cord, but at the same time they still want security. This is a challenge for both the teenager and the parent.

Implementing the three practices of positivity, … >>>

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