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Questions to Ask about Using Rewards

On March 19, 2013 / Discipline, Learning

Bob Sullivan of Woodbury Connecticut poses some interesting questions for teachers who plan on giving rewards as bribes to influence behavior.

1. When you use reward, who does all the work? (The teacher or the student?)

2. What rewards will appeal to my students?

3. Can I assume every one of my students will be satisfied with my choice of rewards?

4. Where would I buy them and how much will they cost ?

5. Since rewards are more effective if they are given immediately, how will I handle presenting the rewards?

6. If the target (incentive) is too difficult for some students and they just give up, how will I handle this?

7. If some don’t achieve the objectives … >>>

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Telling and Lecturing are Ineffective Discipline Techniques

On March 18, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Parenting

Telling and lecturing as discipline are generally ineffective with young people who are trying to assert their independence. Besides, when young people become adolescents, they become “experts” in everything. Just try telling a teenager something and see how far you get. This phenomenon is captured in a quotation attributed to Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years.

You can visualize the scene. You are talking to your teenage son and attempting to inform him of the disadvantages of what he wants to do. You make your … >>>

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Help Children Avoid the Victim Trap

On March 15, 2013 / Parenting, Responsibility

Although there are things in life that are out of our control, it is how we perceive them that is critical. This understanding is not new; it’s just not common. Centuries ago, the Greek philosopher Epictetus (55-135) proposed that we are disturbed not by events but by the views we take of them. In other words, it is not the event itself that is the problem; it is our perception of the event that creates our suffering. Is it a problem or a challenge? “Victimhood thinking” is a perception and the opposite of choice-response thinking.

Besides creating unhappiness, victimhood thinking is also counterproductive to developing responsibility. A cartoon shows a young boy explaining his report card to his parents, as … >>>

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The Alexander Technique

On March 14, 2013 / Effectiveness

I had previously referred to the Alexander Technique, and have since been asked to explain more about it.

The Alexander Technique (named after its creator Frederick Matthias Alexander) is a psychophysical re-education of the body and the brain. What we think affects the body; similarly, the body affects the brain. Alexander taught that a person has to control thinking in order for the body to act at its optimum. In essence, the technique has to do with the development of conscious learning to affect the body.

Alexander started his movement because he felt that what he was doing with his body was incorrect. By studying his posture and movement before speaking, he discovered that his sense or feeling was … >>>

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Reasons to Rethink Your Discipline Approach

On March 13, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness

There are many reasons for not imposing punishment as discipline to promote responsibility with young people. Among them are: (1) a young person is not an adult with just a younger body, (2) hurting a child in order to instruct or harming a young person in order to teach is contrary to all we know about the brain and learning, (3) an imposed punishment satisfies the punisher more than it changes the behavior of the person being punished, (4) an imposed punishment promotes adversarial relationships and resistance, and perhaps most important, (5) imposing a punishment is not nearly as effective as eliciting a consequence or a procedure to change behavior.

In almost all cases, rewards and punishments need to be … >>>

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Young People and the Japanese Carp

On March 12, 2013 / Learning, Parenting

The Japanese carp fish, also known as koi, has seemingly unlimited growth potential. If you put a koi in a small fish bowl, it will grow to only two or three inches long. In an average aquarium it will reach six to ten inches. In a pond, it can grow to be a foot and a half. And if the koi is placed in a lake, where it can really stretch out, it can grow up to three feet long. The size of the fish is proportional to the size of its home.

It works this way with young people, too. They grow according to how we treat them—not physically, of course, but intellectually, psychologically, and emotionally. Traditional discipline approaches … >>>

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Develop a Listening Attitude

On March 11, 2013 / Parenting, Relationships

If you want to increase your effectiveness with others, you need to develop a “listening attitude.” In fact, your listening attitude is more important than anything you say in response to someone. Your attitude of respect and understanding is more important than your ability to formulate brilliant responses, as the following slightly abridged thought by Ralph Roughton, M.D., illustrates:

When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Make Clean Up Time Fun

On March 8, 2013 / Parenting

Anyone with young children knows that they love to take all their toys out when they play. Of course, someone has to clean up the toys, and that’s when the stress begins. While children do enjoy taking the toys off the shelves and out of toy boxes, they often have to be asked (multiple times) to clean up after themselves. After a few ignored requests, it’s common for parents to get frustrated and resort to ineffective discipline techniques, such as offering a reward for cleaning up, threatening punishment if the room remains messy, or nagging and lecturing until the task is done.

A better approach, and the one promoted in Parenting Without Stress, is to make a game out … >>>

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Sibling Rivalry

On March 7, 2013 / Parenting

Sibling rivalry is so old a situation that it is one of the first stories related in Genesis, the first book of the Bible. Cain and Able were the two sons of Adam and Eve. In the story, Cain is a crop farmer and his younger brother, Abel, is a shepherd. According to the narrative, Cain, out of jealousy, eventually killed Abel.

On a lighter note, one of my favorite cartoons shows two very elderly men, one pushing another in a wheelchair. The men are arguing about which parent loved him more.

In a matter of speaking, all children have different parents because they see their parents through their own experiences, thoughts, and feelings. The conversation usually revolves around each … >>>

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Teachers Matter Learning Articles to Share

On March 5, 2013 / Learning

A collection of my articles on LEARNING has recently been published in TEACHERS MATTER by Karen Boyes of New Zealand.

Feel free to download, print, and share the publication.

Articles include:

Counterproductive Approaches
Elicit, Rather than Impose
Five Practices of Superior Teachers
The Brain, Sleep, and Learning
The Brain and Exercise
Explaining Internal vs. External Motivation
Competition and Learning
Joy in Learning
Defining Success
Understanding Counterwill
Reducing Stress
Classroom Management and Visualization
A Better Approach than Relying on Rules
Language, the Brain, and Behavior
Discipline Is a Liberating Word
Immaculate Perception
See It and Learn It

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Why Rewards Don’t Change Behavior

On March 4, 2013 / Discipline, Effectiveness

Rewarding young people for expected standards of behavior is counterproductive for promoting responsibility. Yet so many parents and teachers use rewards. Let’s explore some of the reasons.

Rewards offer a seductively quick and easy way to create obedience. Asking a child to do something in order to gain a reward is an effective way to manipulate behavior in the short term. For example, promising, “If you sit here quietly for Mommy, in just a little while I’ll buy you some ice cream,” often produces the desired result. When the child suddenly chooses to behave, rewards can seem very effective. Candy, games, and movies can all be used to manipulate young people toward good behavior. But consider how long the effect … >>>

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Everything Has a Price

On February 28, 2013 / Effectiveness

Everything has a price. Are you willing to pay it?

At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, one of the world’s great technology universities, new students are asked to choose two from the following: friends, grades, or sleep.

The point, of course, is that one cannot have all three.

The concept that “everything has a price” is similar to “opportunity costs” that economists refer to. For example, if you watch a television program, rather than read a book, you have lost the time that could have been devoted to reading. The opportunity cost was in losing reading time. That would have been the price you spent for watching television.

The principle is simple—yet it can be life-changing. Simply ask yourself, “What … >>>

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Striving for Perfection Hinders Learning

On February 27, 2013 / Learning

Striving for perfection, rather than for continual improvement, leaves children and students reluctant to admit mistakes or apologize when in the wrong.

Believe it or not, but a common manifestation of perfectionism is that students stop learning; they simply give up. Perfectionism becomes so tyrannical that students develop anxiety attacks. This leads to the thinking pattern that they cannot perform or engage in the activity because they will not be good enough. The next stage is total paralysis.

Adults should foster failure as feedback. Failing is a natural outcome of trying, and it is a great teacher. That is, it can be if the choice is to learn from it rather than be crushed by it. The adult’s message … >>>

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The Hype of Self-Esteem

On February 26, 2013 / Learning

I am not a fan of the self-esteem movement because I have always thought that a person’s self-esteem comes from his or her own self-talk. This self-talk emanates primarily from a person’s nature and experiences, rather than from some external agent(s).

The “Scientific American Mind”—volume 16, number 4—contains an interesting article entitled, “Exploding the Self-Esteem Myth,” with the subtitle: “Boosting People’s Sense of Self-Worth Has Become a National Preoccupation. Yet Surprisingly, Research Shows that Such Efforts Do Little to Improve Academic Performance or Prevent Troublesome Behavior.”

One study cited eludes to responsibility as a prime factor in self-esteem: “…students who take responsibility for their grades not only get better grades but they also learn that they, personally, can control … >>>

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A Poem about Responsibility

On February 25, 2013 / Responsibility

While doing some internet research about discipline and responsibility, I came across the following poem. The author is listed as Anonymous. If you know who the author is, please let me know so I can give the poet proper attribution. Enjoy!

Responsibility Poem

I am responsible

for all that I do,

from turning in work

to making friends too.

I choose if my room

will be messy or clean,

I make the choice

to be kind or mean.

It is up to me

just how much I will learn,

the grades that I get

will be grades that I earn.

I make the choice

to be happy or sad,

to have a good day

or have one that is bad.

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

Sometimes Coaching is the Best Discipline

On February 22, 2013 / Discipline, Responsibility

At some point we all have to deal with a difficult child. But before you engage in discipline, realize that often kids would rather be bad than stupid. In fact, a reason they misbehave is they don’t want to be failures. The Raise Responsibility System is the foundation for handling irresponsible behavior. However, sometimes you have to do a little bit more to help a youngster become more responsible.

In these instances, rather than look to the coercive discipline methods of punishments, rewards, or lectures, try to engage in coaching.

Here’s how it works: Think of young people as lacking skills, rather than as being non-compliant. Few children are maliciously non-compliant. We teach young people how to swing a baseball … >>>

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Discipline and Intrinsic Motivation

On February 21, 2013 / Discipline

Intrinsic motivation and having someone else discipline you is an oxymoron, as in “cruel kindness.” One invalidates the other.

By definition, “INTRINSIC MOTIVATION” infers something you WANT or LIKE to do. Would you WANT to have someone else punish you?

I promote using “INTERNAL”—rather than “INTRINSIC”—motivation (although technically all motivation is internal) because taking responsibility and being considerate of others is not something that is “natural.” These characteristics need to be taught. Saying, “Thank you” and “Please” are not inborn communications civilities. If you are a parent you know this by the number of times it is necessary to remind young people of this social nicety.

Motivation prompts our behavior. We are motivated to get out of bed in the … >>>

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Key Problems with Using Imposed Punishments as Discipline

On February 20, 2013 / Discipline, Parenting, Responsibility

A common myth is that using imposed punishments as discipline is necessary to change young people’s behavior. In reality, disciplining by imposing a punishment comes out of the adult’s desire to control. When the desire is to raise responsible citizens, teaching and guidance prevail.

Despite succeeding in stopping irresponsible behavior in some cases, imposed punishments are ineffective with far too many young people as a disciplinary method. Imposed punishments also fail to help children make lasting changes in their behavior.

The problems with using imposed punishments as discipline are that they:

Are temporary
Are adult-dependent rather than self-dependent
Are inconsistently applied
Are based on avoidance
Lose their effectiveness over time
Do nothing to help a young person learn to modify

… >>> READ MORE >>> →