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Make Goodness Your Priority

On December 13, 2012 / Parenting

If you were to ask your child, “What do you think I, as your parent, hold as the most important for you to be: (1) successful, (2) good, (3) happy, or (4) smart,” how do you think he or she would reply?

When I ponder this question about my own daughter, my first answer is that I’d like her to be successful. But I would also want her to be happy, as well as smart. However, I consider myself a successful parent because, above all else, she is a good person. She holds the values that are most important to me: being a person who is kind, considerate of others, and able to differentiate between good and evil.

I … >>>

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Tone of Voice and Effectiveness

On December 12, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

When asking reflective questions, be sure you don’t shout them. The adage, “What you are doing speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you are saying” rings true here. Your tone of voice communicates almost as much as the words. It reminds me of the following poem:

It’s not only what you say

But the manner in which you say it.

It’s not only the language you use

But the tone in which you convey it.

“Come here!” I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

“Come here,” I gently said. He looked and smiled

And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

But the tone can pierce like a dart.

Words may

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 10

On December 11, 2012 / Learning

Finland is more advanced than most other countries because they teach skills necessary for the 21^st century.

There’s little doubt that society and commerce have changed. The jobs suitable for the industrial age are fast disappearing. Low-level routine jobs are being taken over by machines and other countries due to their lower labor costs.

We have entered a new age due to technology and globalization, and as such, our society needs to develop a mentality for creating jobs—not just finding and “doing” a job. This means that education needs to adjust if our young people are going to have successful and meaningful lives after they leave the basic education years.

Finland is in the forefront of this adjustment because … >>>

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Consistency and Fairness

On December 10, 2012 / Discipline, Effectiveness

When we are consistent in imposing the same consequence on every student, are we being fair or unfair?

Although consistency is important, imposing the same consequence on all students is the least fair approach. When a consequence is imposed—be it called logical or natural—people are deprived of ownership in the decision. And ownership is a requirement for responsibility.

A more effective and fairer approach is to elicit a consequence or a procedure that will help students redirect impulses so they become more responsible. This is easily accomplished by asking students if they would rather be treated as individuals or as a group. They will have a preference to be treated as individuals and have ownership in … >>>

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Coercion Is Not Always Recognizable

On December 6, 2012 / Effectiveness, Relationships

Coercion isn’t always recognizable.

The other night my wife was viewing the first ten minutes of a movie on TV. She was so enthralled with it that she pressed the “record” button on the DVR and then stopped viewing the program. She wanted to share the movie with me and said that she was saving it until a time when we could watch it together.

When that time came around, her enthusiasm pitched even higher. However, as she turned on the recording and the synopsis of the movie aired, I quickly realized that I had no interest in the show. My wife was so surprised and disappointed that she reiterated her desire to share it and the fact that she … >>>

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Habits of Effective Parents

On December 5, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

1. Use procedures rather than rules.

Highly-effective parents use procedures and do not rely on rules. Rules are necessary in games. However, in interactions, rules result in adversarial relationships because rules require enforcement. Rules place the parent in the position of an enforcer, a cop—rather than that of a teacher or mentor. Enforcing rules often results in power struggles that rarely result in win-win situations or in good relationships. Instead, rules often result in reluctance, resistance, and resentment. While rules are “left-hemisphere” oriented, and they work with people who are orderly and structured, they do not work well with “right-hemisphere” dominant children who tend to act who randomly and spontaneously. Even when these children know the rules, their lack of … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 9

On December 4, 2012 / Learning

The teaching profession in Finland is very competitive. Only one of every 10 applicants is accepted into a teacher preparation program. In fact, it is harder to get into a university to become a teacher than it is to get into a university to become a lawyer or medical doctor.

The target of the teacher preparation program is to have the teacher do more than just teach subject matter. The Finnish people believe that teaching is about helping children to see for themselves what the meaning of life is. Teachers learn and think along these lines so that both the talented and weaker learners are equally acknowledged.

Teacher education is divided into five general categories: preschool teaching, general classroom… >>>

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Focus on Continuous Improvement

On December 3, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Seeing the positive in situations and experiences becomes easier if the focus is on continuous improvement. Success isn’t always about winning; it’s often about learning, growing, and improving. Although there is a natural tendency to compare ourselves with others, the more this type of thinking is redirected, the more successful we will feel. While having role models is wise, trying to compete with them is not.

We should measure progress by improvement in ourselves, rather than in comparison to others. When pleased with our efforts—especially when we see improvement—we invest more effort. Improvement comes through self-evaluation, practice, feedback, and more evaluation. The better the quality of our work, the more we are pleased and the more … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 8

On November 29, 2012 / Learning

People in Finland believe that human interaction is the most important aspect of learning; therefore, face-to-face communications are more important than relying on technical devices. This is an exceptional perspective compared to other countries, especially the U.S., and may be one reason that Finnish schools have a more relaxed atmosphere in their classrooms than is found in many other countries; yet, their schools achieve great results.

In an elementary school I visited, for example, more than half of the students were immigrants from such countries as Somalia, Iraq, Russia, Bangladesh, Estonia, and Ethiopia. Even with such a diverse group, the teachers’ focus is on supporting and guiding students. This is in contrast to the more common approaches of comparing and … >>>

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Problems with Imposed Punishments

On November 28, 2012 / Discipline, Effectiveness, Parenting

There have been many news stories lately about parents using shame and humiliation as discipline measures for their children. From forcing their child to stand on a busy street corner holding a sign that details their offenses to posting embarrassing photos and videos of the youth online, these parents believe this sort of public humiliation is a viable way to discipline children.

Humiliation and shame are never good ways to discipline. Not only do they negatively influence a child’s self-esteem, but they are also just new forms of imposed punishments. And as outlined in Parenting Without Stress and Discipline Without Stress, the effect of any imposed punishment is only temporary. Fear and force produce only short-run changes.

Once an … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 7

On November 27, 2012 / Learning

Finland’s culture of trust enables the schools to have almost complete autonomy, and the system relies on the proficiency of teachers in their efforts to meet educational objectives. While the Finnish National Board of Education determines the national core curriculum, specific school guidelines are established by the local educational agency and are largely school-centered.

Everything from annual plans, budget, and the recruitment of teachers to decisions on group forming, daily work, and other practices are all made at the local school to be sensitive to local jurisdictions. In fact, central approval for textbook and other materials was abolished in 1993. The system is characterized by pedagogical autonomy of teachers, even to the point of voluntary participation in national development programs.… >>>

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Make Positivity Your Habit

On November 26, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

Making positivity a practice both in your self-talk and in your communications with others begins with awareness. Listen to yourself. Become aware of the number of times you say something negatively that could be phrased positively. Continually ask yourself before speaking, “How can I say this so it will be perceived in a positive way?”

Using positive phrases can turn what would have been a negative into a positive. The result is dramatic. The more you practice phrasing communications in the positive, the sooner it will become a new habit. A simple approach is to focus on what you want your children to do rather than on what you don’t want them to do. Eliminate disempowering, negative words such as … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 6

On November 22, 2012 / Learning

Childhood education and care begins in Finland at a very young age.

Assessments start when kids are infants and, if necessary, are given remediation assistance until the age of seven (7), when they enter school.

From the age of eight months, all children have access to free full day care. Children can attend various centers, smaller family day care groups, or at private homes—all of which charge fees related to income of the family. The cost of day care is at most a few hundred dollars a month.

Although preschool is optional, most parents choose to send their children there because many parents work outside the home.

Finland believes that it is the child’s right to have day care and … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 5

On November 20, 2012 / Learning

In Finland, special needs education is provided primarily within mainstream education. Children of all levels study together in the same classroom. The Finnish education system uses this approach to make sure that “no student is left behind.”

How is this effective? Finland’s teacher education program includes an extensive course on how to recognize different needs in different pupils. They stress that teachers are always teaching individuals, not a group, because each learner is different.

As such, teachers create individualized study plans tailored for each child. The aim is to have each child receive the right amount of challenge as well as a sense of learning and achievement. When the exercises are appropriate for the students’ skill levels, even … >>>

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Controlling the Conversation

On November 19, 2012 / Effectiveness, Parenting

When you enter a store and the salesperson asks the common greeting, “How are you today?” do you ignore the person—or is there a natural tendency to give a response? During a conversation where you are explaining something and your friend suddenly asks you a question, do you continue talking and ignore the question or do you respond to it? Notice that in each of these scenarios, there is a natural tendency to respond to a question. And herein lies the most important and effective key to remember if you want to reduce your stress and promote responsible behavior: The person who asks the question controls the conversation.

A national magazine ran a cover article about frustrated parents who were … >>>

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Avoid Criticism: Use Feedback

On November 16, 2012 / Parenting

Criticize, and you will often get resistance and hard feelings. This is the case when you are criticizing something over which the youngster feels little control. Encouraging in a supportive way is much more effective.

Criticizing is almost always interpreted as, “What you are doing isn’t good enough.” Such comments stimulate negative feelings. Instead, encourage young people by communicating a higher expectation. For example, if your child is slow to get going in the morning, try this approach: “Yesterday, it took 10 minutes to come to breakfast after I called you. I know you can do better than that. Let’s see if today you can come to breakfast in 8 minutes.” Using this approach, watch your child rise to the … >>>

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Learning and Discipline in Finland – 4

On November 15, 2012 / Learning

Comparison of Education in Finland vs. Other Educational Approaches

FINLAND

Flexibiliity and diversity

School-based curriculum and development
networking through steering by students
information and support

Broad Knowledge

Focus on broad learning; equal value to
all aspects of individual’s growth in
personality, moral, creativity,
knowledge, and skills

Trust through Professionalism

Culture of trust that values teachers’
and principals’ professionalism in
judging what is best for students and in
reporting on progress in their learning

OTHERS

Standardization

Standards for schools, teachers, and
students to improve the quality
of outcomes

Literacy and Numeracy

Basic knowledge and skills in
reading, writing, mathematics, and
science are prime targets of
educational reform

Consequential Accountability

The school performance is closely
tied to “inspection” using narrow
metrics

… >>> READ MORE >>> →

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