Relationship stress is a common problem. The relationship can be between two adults, two children, and even between an adult and a child. The quickest and best way to ease relationship stress is NOT to try to change the other person. Instead, change something about yourself first.
If you are convinced that another person is wrong and they are the source of the stress, there is always the chance it could just be a case of “mistaken certainty.” Or, perhaps, the two of you just have significantly different belief systems. Or, perhaps, it could be the case that “I know you believe you think you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
We’ve all witnessed what we considered was an inappropriate action on the part of others and asked ourselves, “Why did they do that?” “What is wrong with them?” One possible answer is that they thought that their action was totally appropriate. Another possible answer is that you may be the one who does not understand.
Change Yourself First
The fact is that you will rarely, if ever, resolve relationship stress by trying to make the other person see that you are right and he or she is wrong. On the other hand, you have probably never heard someone say, “I’m having a problem with what you are doing and I think I have to change what I do or we’ll never solve the problem.”
Yet, that is the secret for improving relationships and reducing stress. Just keep it a secret. It’s not necessary to say it out loud. BUT IT IS ESSENTIAL TO THINK IT.
In any relationship, rather than attempting to correct or control the other person, simply ask yourself, “What can I do to improve the situation?” The result will be an option you will think of that—by YOUR changing—will be so much more effective in influencing the other to change than any attempt at control.
Tip: Communicating to understand, rather than to judge, may be the most effective approach for reducing relationship stress..
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