Although discipline is often referred to as punishment, this is only one of many interpretations of the word. In fact, Dr. Lee Salk, the author of eight books on family relationships and a former popular commentator on social change, domestic strife, and changing family patterns, stated in Familyhood: Nurturing the Values that Matter (p.47), “What discipline is not is punishment.” He continued, “Discipline isn’t a dirty word. Far from it! Discipline is the one thing that separates us from chaos and anarchy. It’s the precursor to good behavior, and it never comes from bad behavior. People who associate discipline with punishment have a shortsighted view of discipline. With discipline, punishment is unnecessary.” Richard E. Clark, Chair of the Division of Educational
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This is an old story about the U.S.S. Enterprise. One evening while traveling along the Eastern seaboard, the captain saw a light in front of them and thought they were going to collide with the other ship. So the Enterprise sent a signal for the other ship to travel in a different direction. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise and you are on our course. Please go south.” A message came back, “We cannot move.” A second message was sent. “We are the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not move, we will collide.” Another message came back. “Sorry, we will and cannot move.” A last message was sent. “We are the mighty U.S.S. Enterprise. If you do not change course, we
READ MORE >>> →Although consequences can be either positive or negative, when parents refer to “consequences” for discipline purposes, these are often in terms of threats or punishments that are imposed. Using an imposed consequence to discipline only works when a young person finds value in the relationship or when the person sees value in what he is being asked to do. Otherwise, people perceive an imposed consequence in negative terms because of the inference, “Do this—or else!” It threatens pain or discomfort should the young person fail to comply with the demand. Such is the case when the adult says, “If you continue to do that, then this is what is going to happen to you.” Additionally, telling a youngster, “You chose
READ MORE >>> →Many reports have been in the news recently about adults having such poor self-discipline and impulse control that, when at a public sports event, they have cursed at and attacked the coach—and even the umpire. You may enjoy this commentary on the subject. At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? Do you know what a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The little boy nodded “Yes.” The coach continued, “I’m sure you know that when an out is called you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack
READ MORE >>> →I spent the majority of Memorial Day at the neighborhood pool with my family. One family there consisted of a father, a young three-year-old boy, and the grandmother. The boy vehemently did not want to go into the water. Every time his father tried to get him in the pool, the boy shrieked and cried. Frustrated, the father picked the boy up, forcibly put him in the water, and said, “You’re going in the pool whether you like it or not.” The boy cried and ran out of the water. The father tried to calm down and bribe the boy, “Look, we’re here for you. So if you get in the pool, we’ll go out for a treat afterwards.” The
READ MORE >>> →Ben Carson is an American neurosurgeon and the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital. He is also a professor of neurosurgery, oncology, plastic surgery, and pediatrics, and is the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University. Among other surgical innovations, he did pioneering work on the successful separation of conjoined twins joined at the head. In 2008, Dr. Carson was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States, by President George W. Bush. As a youngster, Ben struggled academically throughout elementary school and emotionally with his temper. He was constantly in trouble. What turned this avid television-watching youngster around? The answer: discipline and reflection leading to motivation. First, his mother reduced
READ MORE >>> →By using rewards and imposed punishments as discipline strategies, we give children the easy way out—at the expense of their development and maturation. Rather than empowering them with responsibility and the gift of self-discipline, they quickly learn that temporary compliance will get them off the hook, either in the form of accepting a loss of privileges or writing apology notes that will right all wrongs. Many children would rather take the pain of imposed punishment than take the time to make difficult decisions and exert self-control. When we use rewards and imposed punishments as motivational strategies, we are teaching kids to make their decisions based on someone else’s reaction. We reinforce the practice of people making their decisions based on
READ MORE >>> →Consider the Asian fable about the little tiger orphaned immediately after birth, raised by a friendly herd of goats. The little tiger played with the goat kids, drank milk from the nanny goat, and slept secure in the goat’s cave. Quite naturally, the little fellow came to think of himself as a goat. He did his best to discipline himself and even bleat like a goat. He tried to cultivate a taste for grass and paper. One day a huge Bengal tiger came bounding into the clearing where the little tiger was playing with the goats. As the tiger roared, the goats ran for cover. The little tiger was the only “goat” who didn’t race away. Instead, he felt strangely
READ MORE >>> →Every few years a new program aimed at improving behavior and learning while reducing discipline problems is introduced and becomes the silver bullet for “fixing” schools. For example, at one time open classrooms were the magic cure-all. Next, large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the “fix” for high schools. Then “Teaching by Objectives” was the rage. Where are these programs now? A current fashion is Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support (PBIS or PBS), based on the old Skinnerian erroneous premise that rewarding desired behavior externally is the most effective way to reinforce the behavior and cure discipline issues. PBIS is an outgrowth of working with students who have special needs and where something tangible is used
READ MORE >>> →During the last days of World War II someone commented to President Harry Truman that he appeared to bear up under the stress and strain of the presidency better than any previous president, that the job did not appear to have aged him or sap his vitality, and that this was remarkable—especially in view of the many problems he faced as a wartime president. His response was, “I have a foxhole in my mind.” President Truman mentioned that he was able to go inside his own imagination to escape stress and to relax. In essence, the president created a “theatre in his mind” where he went when he wanted to leave the many problems and challenges he inevitably encountered. Anyone
READ MORE >>> →When it comes to discipline approaches for older youth, many parents are unsure what to do. If they’ve relied on rewards, punishments, and telling (the things I don’t recommend), they quickly learn that these discipline approaches are ineffective and don’t promote responsibility. So what’s the best way to discipline a teenager? Realize that by the time children are 13 to 14 years old, you should be through telling them what to do. Of course, youth still need guidance, but it should be accomplished by persuasion—not coercion. Teenagers want to cut the umbilical cord, but at the same time they still want security. This is a challenge for both the teenager and the parent. Implementing the three practices of positivity, choice,
READ MORE >>> →How you structure an activity or arrange the environment can significantly reduce discipline problems with children. In the elementary grades, this pertains to both indoor and outdoor activities. For example, establishing a “getting drinks” routine after vigorous playground activities is an example of an outdoor procedure. Children whose last names are in the first half of the alphabet will use the fountain by the restrooms. Those in the last half will walk to another designated drinking fountain. The person behind the drinker will slowly count to ten and then tap the drinker softly on the shoulder. Before initiating the procedure, have students experience it. Line up everyone for a dry run. Another routine to curb discipline issues is to have
READ MORE >>> →On May 15, 2013, the Los Angeles Unified School District decided to ban school suspensions as a measure of discipline for defiant students. The school board directed school officials to use alternative discipline approaches instead. Offenses such as repeatedly tapping feet on the floor, refusing to remove a hat, refusing to wear the school uniform, and refusing to turn off a cell phone are classified as discipline acts of “willful defiance” and would no longer be grounds for suspending students. The new discipline policy would make Los Angeles the first district in California to ban suspensions for willful defiance. Activities such as these account for 48% of 710,000 discipline suspensions issued in California in 2011-12. The argument for the new
READ MORE >>> →The parent is the first teacher—and the most influential. In fact, you cannot help but teach because you are always modeling, whether you like it or not. And children are perceptive. They pick up everything you model, not just the good. Consider this example: Every morning a father drove his three-year-old daughter to preschool. One day, the father was away at a conference and the mother drove the girl. The youngster, sitting next to her mother, could hardly see over the dashboard and asked, “Mommy, where are all of the bastards today?” The mother replied, “I don’t know, honey. I guess they’re only out when your father drives.” Every second of every day you are modeling something to children. What
READ MORE >>> →This past Sunday, my daughter came over to celebrate Mother’s Day. During the visit, which was filled with food and joy, I reflected on my own mother’s influence on me—with a little help from Dan Poynter. I OWE MY MOTHER: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!” 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.“Because I said so, that’s why.” 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.“If
READ MORE >>> →Instead of relying on rules, consider using the term “responsibilities.” This is much more than a mere word choice. In contrast to “rules,” “responsibilities” empower and elevate. They are stated in positive terms, whereas rules are often stated in negative terms. When communications are in positive terms, there is a natural tendency for you to help rather than to punish. So, rather than using the term “rules,” consider using a term that describes what you want to encourage. For example, you probably have some rules in your home that state: House Rules No hitting. Don’t make a mess. Don’t blame others for my mistakes. Stay out of my brother’s room. Don’t be late. All of these statements are meant to
READ MORE >>> →Promoting Responsibility & Learning – Volume 13 Number 5
#3 Be the asker
# 5 A story about urning external motivation to internal motivation
#7 PbIS and DWS
Learning and relationships are inseparable. How we feel affects and even directs how we behave and learn. As you have heard time and time again—with a great deal of truth—students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. With people, trust also carries with it an implicit message that the other person has your own best interests in mind. That is why we can accept criticism and even anger from those whom we trust. We know, deep down, that they really mean to help us. Trust is an interesting quality because, once it is lost, it is hard to recapture. Many a relationship gasped its last breath on the
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