Our faculty is “on board” and we have purchased your book for nearly all of them. I also have joined the DisciplineWithoutStress Mailring and found it a wonderful resource as well. Some teachers are experiencing a loss of comfort level when first starting. Any suggestions? RESPONSE: Anything new is different and has an effect on one’s feeling and comfort. Most adults naturally prefer something with which they are comfortable rather than doing something in a different way. Anything new to adults feels odd at first—until new neural connections become well established. People who use the approach of being positive (instead of being negative negative), offering choices (instead of attempting to dominate), and asking reflective questions (rather than telling) soon discover
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Have a discussion and perhaps a writing exercise on the following comment by the poet Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” More information on this topic is available at http://marvinmarshall.com.
READ MORE >>> →People don't buy from someone they don't like—at least not in the long run. In a sense, leaders, teachers, and parents all market. Leaders market vision and empowerment, teachers market information, and parents market their role-modeling. Every so often, it pays to reflect on whether you are marketing yourself as you desire. More information on this topic is available at http://marvinmarshall.com.
READ MORE >>> →This post was prompted by a message from Leo, a teacher in China. In an attempt to spread Discipline Without Stress and share success, Leo requested that we post a comment on his blog (weblog). He wrote, “I would like to share my blog. It is a very new and raw site, mostly about Discipline Without Stress experience here in China. I also have some pics of my classroom and my students there. If you are interested in how I use Discipline Without Stress in my 90-students classroom, check it out. “I would really appreciate it if you could leave a comment there. I need your encouragements and believe it is one of best ways to let more people in
READ MORE >>> →The following is from a mailring post at the mailring by Kerry Weisner of British Columbia who partners as a primary teacher and also teaches at-risk high school students. Although the post is in reference to Kerry’s primary classroom, THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE MESSAGE IS APPLICABLE AT ALL GRADE LEVELS AND TO YOUTH OF ALL AGES. (The post is slightly edited for conciseness.) ———- “We recently had a problem. A change in the school schedule led to a situation where our students had much less adult supervision at noon hour eating time than had been customary. Many students began to misbehave. We were really angry. Our first reaction was to jump to eliciting consequences. In giving it more thought though,
READ MORE >>> →A student teacher at Humboldt State University in Northern California asked me at a conference to sign her book and to please include "WWMMD." I obliged and then asked her what "WWMMD" meant. She told me that whenever her college instructor—Mary Lynn Bryan, a National Board Certified Teacher— gives a scenario about a school situation, she has the students respond by first asking themselves ,"WWMMD?" Translation: What Would Marvin Marshall Do? I was rather taken aback. After reflecting on the possible efficacy of the phrase, I thought to ask our daughter about it. She is a social worker who counsels teenagers and is also certified by the William Glasser Institute in Reality Therapy and Choice Theory. I asked, "Hillary, if
READ MORE >>> →I received the following in a recent e-mail: “I heard about your newsletter from a teacher in my district. She began using your system and enthusiastically shared it with everybody she could. I am using it and love the ‘stress free’ aspect of the kids knowing they are responsible for their choices—rather than me!” Thanks, Janet Gibney Summit, New Jersey More testimonials are available at http://marvinmarshall.com.
READ MORE >>> →QUESTION: What sort of consequence would a student with level “A” behavior receive? I’ve been down the rewards and punishment route but as we know, it is not effective. I repeat instructions until the student complies or a more serious consequence seems inevitable. It is very important that the child know that insubordination will not be tolerated. RESPONSE: The answer to this is in a prime difference between Discipline Without Stress and other approaches. Whether the consequence is referred to as logical or natural, as long as it is IMPOSED it will prompt a negative feeling and, therefore, one of resistance. Rather than imposing a consequence, ELICIT it. The conversation goes something like, “This behavior is on a level that
READ MORE >>> →In the 1990’s, the Juran Institute produced a video series on the subject of quality. One of them describes a problem with the Jefferson Memorial: the granite was crumbling. What was frustrating to the national park officials was that none of the other memorials were having this same problem with their granite. So the question was “Why?” Question: Why is the granite crumbling on the Jefferson Memorial? Answer: It is hosed off more than the other memorials. Question: Why is the Jefferson Memorial hosed off more than the other D.C. memorials? Answer: The Jefferson Memorial has more bird dung. Question: Why does the Jefferson Memorial have more bird dung than the other memorials? Answer: It has more birds. Question: Why
READ MORE >>> →I purchased a mobile phone that has a place for an opening message. I inserted, “smile.” Now each time I open my cell phone, I see that message. A smile is a small gesture with a powerful impact. In American culture, we’ve come to expect people to smile when we meet them. The late pianist/comedian Victor Borge put it another way when he described a smile as “the shortest distance between two people.” Greeting someone with a warm smile is the best way to introduce yourself, and it sets the stage beautifully for any discussion that follows. Check your smile in the mirror. As you step toward it—before you see yourself—smile. Then look at yourself. Is it really a happy
READ MORE >>> →One of the fundamental truths I remember from my graduate studies in economics is the concept of opportunity costs. This means there is a cost to everything—be it in monetary terms, in time, in relationships—really in anything. The Nobel Laureate, Milton Freedman, summarized economics with the same idea: “There is no such thing as a free lunch.” Here is a challenge. For the next week, ask yourself the following question before taking any action: “WHAT PRICE WILL I BE PAYING?” Situations can include: Going to bed late Going to bed early Arising late Arising early Watching TV Reading a book Eating that second piece of pie Not tempting the taste by not eating the first piece Demanding something Asking for
READ MORE >>> →An 80-year-old woman was unable to find a cab to take her home. She walked into a pizza parlor and said, “I’d like to order a pepperoni pizza delivered…and I’d like to go with it.” People say about the aging process that it critical to retain our humor as we grow older. The reason is that, as we grow, our character traits become more ingrained. In fact, they become even more pronounced. A sweet person becomes sweeter. A disagreeable person becomes a real crank in old age. Therefore, the attitudes and traits we are planting now will take root and become rigid habits later in life. So it’s important to make a commitment to live a daily life of good
READ MORE >>> →Recently during my flight to present “How to Deal with Difficult Students,” an airline attendant asked me if my name was Marvin Marshall. Since I was not wearing a name tag, I inquired of Janet (not her real name) how she knew who I was. She whispered to me that she is leaving the airline industry to enter teaching. She said that she is reading my book for the SECOND time before lending the book to her sister who is having a challenging time with her two children. I inquired how she found out about the book. She said that one of her professors at the university she is attending mentioned that the book was one of his favorites. She
READ MORE >>> →Jim Collins' book, "GOOD TO GREAT: WHY SOME COMPANIES MAKE THE LEAP AND OTHERS DON'T," is a very popular book on leadership. I heard him interviewed, and I quote his final thought regarding leadership as applied to schools. "You can take away blackboards, you can take away the computers, you can take away the administration, and you can take away the building. You can take away everything. It all happens in that magical intersection of a wonderful teacher and a student. And when you get that happening SYSTEMATICALLY, that is ultimately what really turns the wheel." With this in mind, I share a letter I received: ———– Dear Dr. Marshall: This letter is a follow-up to your presentation for our
READ MORE >>> →The following is from a post on the mailring: “I am always working on thinking about, ‘What can I do to change a procedure to make it work better, and what did I do/not do that led to things not running smoothly? “Monday my principal stopped me in the hall on my way out the door and said, ‘I never see your kids.’ “At first I didn’t know what he meant. Then he said, ‘I never see any of your kids in my office. I just want to know what you do, and what your philosophy is because I know you have to be doing something different.’ (He knows I definitely didn’t get the ‘easy class,’ either!) “I was so
READ MORE >>> →Many articles are being written about the high school drop out rate. Recently one appeared about the drop out rate in the Los Angeles City high schools. I am somewhat familiar with the high school scene in Los Angeles having taught at two of them (one in an African-American neighborhood and the other in a Latino neighborhood)—as well as having served in the district as a high school demonstration teacher, department chair, instructional coordinator, counselor, and athletic director—plus having used nine of their high schools for my dissertation. Two parts from the article give an indication of the philosophy of the high school reported on—and neither is unique to Los Angeles. The first: "Seniors looked for their names posted on
READ MORE >>> →Using the word, “not,”rather than the word, “no,” such as “Not now” or “Not this time” prompts fewer negative feelings than the hearing the absoluteness of “No!” I received the following e-mail, which reminded me how creative and independent even very young people can be. “You reminded my of a time when my son, Adam, was two. Every thing was No, No, No! My husband had just had it with him and said, ‘Adam, don’t you say No to me again; I’ve had enough, young man.’ Adam looked at him, full of steam and said, ‘NO’! “I couldn’t help but start laughing. You are right. ‘Not’ doesn’t have the same effect as ‘No.’” Thanks for bringing that back to mind.
READ MORE >>> →Remove barriers to achieve goals—rather than pressure people to achieve them. When leaders are not happy with people who report to them, there is a tendency to add pressure. Instead of adding pressure, a more successful approach is to ask what are the barriers that are keeping people from doing their best. We may not be able to remove government and other imposed barriers. However, we can inquire what is within our control that may be hampering others from doing their best. Leaders, teachers, and parents can use the same approach with young people by asking, "What can I can do to remove barriers preventing you from doing your best? More information on this topic is available at http://marvinmarshall.com.
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